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What was he saying?
‘I don’t understand...’
‘No, I know you don’t, but it’s time you did. It’s time I told you the truth.’ Mark gave a long sigh and walked across the deck, the breeze touching his dark hair. ‘Do you remember the conversation we had when I told you that I was in love with someone?’
Remember? She’d thought of very little else since.
‘Of course.’ She waited expectantly but he seemed to be struggling to find the right words. ‘And I’m waiting for you to tell me about it. You’re the one who’s always saying that we don’t have secrets.’
‘Oh, I but I do have a secret, Holly.’ He gave a wry smile that was loaded with self-mockery. ‘I have a massive secret. But you haven’t wanted to share it with me.’
Holly felt a flash of guilt. It was true. She hadn’t wanted to hear about the woman he loved.
She lifted her chin and met his eyes bravely. ‘I’ve already said that I’m sorry about that. I want to share it now. I want you to tell me about the woman you’re in love with.’
There was a long silence as he stared down at her, a muscle flickering in his hard jaw.
‘Do you? Well, maybe I should do just that. As you’re leaving and our friendship appears to be in tatters, I’ve got nothing to lose, have I?’
‘Nothing.’ She nodded agreement and swallowed hard. ‘So, go on, then. From the beginning.’
‘From the beginning?’ Mark took a deep breath and moved away from her, leaning on the balcony and staring out across the estuary, his expression unreadable. ‘The beginning was a long time ago.’
She felt a twist of jealousy that he’d been in love with someone for a long time and she’d never even guessed. ‘How long?’
There was a long pause. ‘I first met her when I was four and she was two.’
Holly froze and the blood thundered in her ears. What was he saying?
‘We played together constantly. She was like my shadow.’ Mark kept his gaze on the estuary, only his vice-like grip on the balcony betraying how tense he was. ‘And it didn’t matter what I did, she still loved me. I put sand down her nappy, a snake round her neck, and I even cut off her pigtail to try out my new Swiss army knife. But none of that seemed to make a difference. As we grew up we just became closer. I didn’t realise that I loved her then, but I knew that what we had was special.’
Her mouth dried and her voice was little more than a croak. ‘Mark?’
‘We had the best friendship that two people could possibly have,’ he said softly, finally turning to face her. ‘Over the years I had numerous other relationships—tried really hard to find that special someone—but I never succeeded and I couldn’t work out why. Until the first time I kissed her. And then I realised that the reason I’d never found the right woman was because I was looking in the wrong place. The right woman had been under my nose for most of my life—I just hadn’t noticed her before.’
Her breathing was ragged. ‘I thought you kissed me because Caroline was watching—because you were trying to prove to her that we were together.’
‘I did,’ he muttered softly, the expression in his dark eyes revealing his feelings even more clearly than his words had. ‘That was exactly why I kissed you the first time. But I kissed you twice that evening, Holly, and the second time was because I couldn’t stop myself. Not because we had an audience. And the time after that. And after that...’
She felt hot and cold together and her knees started to tremble. ‘Mark...’
‘And I blew it.’ He walked across to her and cupped her face in his hands, his face showing signs of tiredness and strain as he stared down at her. ‘I ruined our friendship Holly, not you. The moment I kissed you, I wanted more. Suddenly our friendship wasn’t enough—I wanted you as my lover. As my partner in life. But that wasn’t what you wanted. You wanted to maintain what we had at all costs and I tried to respect that, but I failed dismally.’
Her heart started to thump erratically. ‘I was so sure you only kissed me because of Caroline.’
‘As I said, just the once. Just that first time.’ He shook his head with a wry smile. ‘I saw Greg remove her some time during that first kiss. But I found I didn’t want to stop kissing you.’ He lifted a hand and cupped her cheek gently. ‘I realised that I was in love with you and probably had been for ever. If you’d been anyone else I would have just dived right in and had my wicked way with you straight away, but I couldn’t do that because it was you.’
She couldn’t believe she was hearing this. ‘Wh-what was different about me?’
‘Our friendship.’ He gave a wry smile. ‘I was playing for high stakes. You were my best friend. If I’d told you how I felt and you didn’t feel the same way, I might have ruined the best friendship I’d ever had. You kept telling me that you were immune, remember?’
She still couldn’t allow herself to believe what she was hearing. ‘You—you wanted to kiss me? Really?’
‘Holly,’ he murmured softly, ‘I was desperate to kiss you.’
‘Oh.’ She blushed frantically and bit her lip. ‘But you never seemed very affected when we kissed. You didn’t look affected.’
He gave a wry smile. ‘Maybe you weren’t looking in the right place—believe me, I felt a lot.’
