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‘There is only one woman in the room who interests me. And, no, you’re not leaving until we’ve had this out.’ He rested his arm against the wall, trapping her, his eyes stormy. ‘If you’d hung around you would have heard me telling Melissa that I’m not interested. That she’s wasting her time.’
‘It isn’t just Melissa.’ Meg found that her hands were shaking. ‘There will always be another Melissa. That’s the sort of man you are.’
His features hardened. ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘You can’t help it, Dino. You’re super good looking, sexy, rich—basically gorgeous. You only have to smile and women want to rip their clothes off.’ Meg gave a hysterical laugh. ‘There will always be some woman who wants you. Always some woman trying to knock me down to get to you. Maybe you don’t notice Melissa, but sooner or later one of them is going to attract your attention if they try hard enough. And then it’s going to be Georgina all over again.’
There was a long silence. ‘That was her name?’ His voice was harsh. ‘The woman he dumped you for?’
Meg shrugged. ‘That doesn’t matter. What does matter is that the world is full of Georginas. I can’t compete. And, actually, I don’t want to. I don’t want to live my life on a knife edge, wondering whether this is going to be the day you find someone prettier.’
‘Have you any idea how insulting that is?’ He pulled away from her, his expression black. ‘You’re implying that I have no control over my own emotions or behaviour, that I’ll tangle the sheets with every pretty girl who crosses my path. Is that what you think of me? Is that who you think I am?’
‘You’re human. You’re a man, for God’s sake.’
‘Yes, I’m a man. A grown man, not some teenage boy who hasn’t learned control. Damn it, Meg, I can forgive you for thinking I’m ruled by my libido because that’s how it seems whenever I’m with you, but I find it hard to forgive you for thinking I’m so shallow that I’d chase after any woman who throws herself at me. I need more than mindless sex in a relationship. Until you came into my life, I had no trouble at all with the word no. Believe it or not, I’m adult enough to make my own choices. And if a woman comes on to me, it’s still my choice, even if her dress is up round her bottom and her boobs are thrust in my face. For your information, Melissa is the type of woman I avoid. I know her type too well.’
‘But—’
‘No, there are no “buts” on this one Meg.’ His tone was hard. ‘Maybe you’ve spent too much time alone with Jamie. You’re treating me like a child, assuming that every shiny new toy I see in the store I’m going to want to buy.’
Her heart pounded. ‘I’m not treating you like a child.’
‘Then trust me, Meg. Trust me to make my own decisions and exercise control. That’s what being an adult is all about. I know what I want out of life. And it isn’t quick sex with any woman who will put it out there.’ A muscle worked in his jaw. ‘I wait until I see something good, something special, and when I do I’m not afraid to go for it. Unlike you.’
‘I’m not afraid.’
‘Yes, you are. You’re terrified of being hurt again the way Hayden hurt you, and I understand that. But we can’t have a proper relationship if I’m having to look over my shoulder all the time, checking there are no pretty girls in the vicinity in case you’re about to go into meltdown. I can’t live like that. There has to be trust, Meg.’
He didn’t understand. He had absolutely no idea. Meg felt tears prick her eyes. ‘I can’t live like that either. I can’t live my life wondering whether today is going to be the day you tell me I’m not the woman you want to be with. Wondering whether this is going to be the day you walk out and go off with the more glamorous model waiting in the wings. I sometimes wonder if you even realise how sexy you are. You walk into a room and there isn’t a woman who doesn’t look at you! And I don’t think I can stand by and watch a never-ending string of glamorous woman dress up and try and attract you away from me. And maybe that’s defeatist, but it’s the way it is. I don’t want to live my life with a knot of anxiety in my stomach. It isn’t fair on me and it isn’t fair on Jamie. And it isn’t fair on you because I don’t think I can change. And I know this is just me being stupid. I know that. But I can’t change the way I think.’ Her breathing was shallow.
‘You’re right that I’m afraid. I admit it, I’m terrified! Terrified that I’ll put Jamie through what I went through. Terrified that I’ll have to answer another load of questions about why another man left him. I just don’t want to risk that. I can’t.’ She waited for him to give a sympathetic nod or acknowledge in some way that he understood what she was feeling.
Instead, he pulled away from her, his eyes cold. ‘If you think I’d hurt your son, you don’t know me at all.’
‘It isn’t about not knowing you. It’s about reality.’ She struggled to make him understand. ‘Relationships break up every single day.’
‘Not all of them. Have you thought about that, Meg? Some relationships actually work out. The good ones.’
‘But how do you know?’ Her voice was a whisper. ‘If I get this wrong, Jamie gets hurt. I can’t do that to him.’ And she couldn’t do it to herself.
‘So you’ll trust me with your life on the end of a rope, but you won’t trust me with your heart.’ His tone was raw. ‘Is that right?’
Meg stared at him.
She wanted to tell him that she trusted him. But the words
couldn’t break free from the cold ball of terror inside her.
Dino watched her for a long moment. Waited. And then turned and walked away, leaving her standing alone, drowning in a sea of her own fears.
Meg drove home, Jamie asleep in the back of the car.
Twice she had to stop because she was crying so hard and she couldn’t see the road. She’d blown it. She’d totally blown it. Ruined everything.
As she drove through the town on the way to her house, she saw crowds of people pouring out of restaurants and bars after Christmas parties. They wore silly hats and tinsel and clutched presents. They were all laughing and chatting and they seemed so normal. Whereas she—she was so messed up she didn’t have a clue how to fix herself.
Why couldn’t she just have said she trusted him? Even if it all went wrong, could it honestly feel any worse than this?
