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It only made things worse because, ever so slightly rumpled, he looked sexier than ever and she wanted him even more. ‘I think my blood pressure’s just gone up ten points,’ she said.
‘Mine, too.’ He shook his head in apparent exasperation. ‘This is crazy. Apart from the fact that I’m only here for six months and dating colleagues is usually a bad idea, I’m not in a position to offer you anything more than an affair. And that’s…’ He grimaced. ‘Well, it’s not particularly honourable, is it?’
She didn’t quite understand. ‘What’s so dishonourable about seeing each other?’
‘Because,’ he said softly, ‘usually when you’re over thirty, when you start seeing someone you’re thinking about settling down. So a relationship doesn’t mean just having fun—it means getting to know each other, seeing if you suit each other, seeing if you could be happy growing old together.’
‘That makes it sound as if everyone of our age is on the lookout for a life partner,’ Madison said dryly.
‘So are you saying you don’t want to settle down?’
‘No. When I meet the right person then I’ll want to settle down,’ she admitted. ‘I want what my parents have—what Katrina’s parents have, too. A good, strong marriage. A relationship that will last.’ Not like her previous marriage, which had collapsed within six months. She paused. ‘But how do you know when you meet the right person?’
He spread his hands. ‘No idea. But I’m not looking.’
The word ‘dishonourable’ filtered back into her head. ‘You’re already involved elsewhere—your partner’s back in the Midlands or in Greece?’
‘No.’ He frowned. ‘Otherwise I wouldn’t have asked you to come with me on the balloon.’
Divorced, then, she guessed. ‘She hurt you that badly?’ Madison asked. She could sympathise with that—Harry had left her feeling burned and with major trust issues. If Theo had been involved with the female equivalent of Harry, it was hardly surprising that he was equally wary of relationships.
‘It’s nothing to do with an ex.’
She blinked. ‘Perhaps I’m being stupid, here, but if you’re not involved with anyone else, what’s the problem?’
‘I can’t offer you a future, Maddie. I don’t want to get married and have children. So seeing me would stop you meeting someone else, someone who would be able to give you what you want.’
‘And what do you think I want?’
‘You’ve already told me—you want a relationship that lasts. Marriage. And, given the look on your face when I showed you the photographs of my niece and nephew, I’d say you want children as well.’
‘It’s pretty hard not to get broody, working where we do and getting to cuddle newborn babies every single day,’ she pointed out.
‘I’m not broody,’ he said softly. ‘I’m perfectly happy just to be an uncle.’
Considering the expression on his own face when he’d talked about his family and the way he was on the ward, always cuddling newborns…‘That doesn’t quite stack up.’ The words were out before she could stop them.
‘What do you mean?’ He was very, very still.
They’d opened up this far to each other, she thought, so she might as well be honest with him. ‘You’re clearly proud of your family and you spend your working life with pregnant women and newborns. So it’d be logical for someone in your position to like babies and want your own family.’
‘I do like babies—other people’s babies. I just don’t want my own.’ His voice was flat. As if an old, old pain had crushed it.
So it was more than just a messy divorce, then. And the sudden bleakness in her eyes made her guess exactly what had happened. He and his partner had lost a baby, and the relationship hadn’t survived the pain. ‘I’m sorry, Theo. I had no idea that…’ There wasn’t a tactful way to say it, and she didn’t want to make things worse for him. ‘That you’d gone through something painful.’ She rested her hand lightly on his arm, wanting to comfort him. ‘I really didn’t mean to hurt you.’
‘I know. And it’s not your fault. It’s not something I talk about, so you weren’t to know.’ He looked rueful. ‘But it’s the kind of thing you can’t talk about. Not without hurting other people. And my family’s had enough heartache. I can’t…’
Discuss it with them. She filled in the words automatically, and her heart ached for him. ‘How about friends?’ she asked.
