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You didn’t need to be a genius at reading adult body language to realise that Lucy had been horrified by Sam’s comments. What had scared her the most? he wondered. The fact that Sam wanted her to marry again, or the fact that Sam wanted her to marry him?
If he hadn’t been so worried about Lucy, he would have smiled. He’d been on the receiving end of plenty of match-making in his time, but never from a six-year-old boy.
But he was worried about Lucy. Especially worried about the amount that Sam said she cried.
It must have been incredibly hard for her, trying to hide her own emotions from Sam. The thought of her crying on her own in the bedroom at night made his insides twist into knots.
He glanced at his watch and saw that it was ten o’clock. Sam would be asleep by now. And what would Lucy be doing?
Crying again?
Swearing softly, he stood up, picked up his keys and quietly let himself out of his apartment. He’d just check that she was all right, he told himself, otherwise he wouldn’t be able to sleep.
Lucy took a long time to answer the door, and he was just about to give up, assuming that she’d gone to bed, when the door opened slowly and she stood there wearing a white fluffy dressing-gown, her hair damp and loose around her narrow shoulders.
He could see in an instant that he’d been right. Her pale face wore the evidence of recent tears, and he realised that there was no way he could go back to bed and leave her like that.
‘Did you want something?’ Her voice sounded slightly hoarse—another indication that she’d been crying.
‘I wanted to check on you,’ he said quietly, stepping forward into the flat even though he hadn’t been invited. ‘That was a very heavy chat we had over the pizza.’
‘Yes.’ She closed the door, tied her dressing-gown cord tighter and gave him a formal smile. All the closeness they’d achieved over the past few weeks seemed to have gone. ‘I apologise for that. Please, don’t let Sam’s comments panic you. He’s obviously just desperate for male company. I hadn’t realised how desperate.’
She was obviously still feeling awkward about what Sam had said.
‘He didn’t panic me,’ Joel said slowly, ‘but he obviously upset you.’
‘Well, it’s not every day your six-year-old son proposes to a man for you.’ Her brave attempt at a joke made his heart ache.
‘Is that why you’re so upset? Because you were embarrassed by what he said to me?’
She was silent for a long time. ‘Partly,’ she admitted finally. ‘I suppose I was most upset that he’s so desperate for a father. I thought I was doing so well, especially since we moved here. I thought I was giving him everything other families had. Clearly I was wrong.’
Joel frowned. ‘Don’t be so hard on yourself.’
‘Why?’ Her expression was bleak. ‘I’ve obviously done a lousy job of hiding how upset I’ve been. The poor child will probably be scarred for ever by hearing me cry in my bedroom.’
‘That’s nonsense,’ Joel said softly. ‘Children are stronger than that.’
‘I thought that coming to Cornwall would be a fresh start.’
‘And have you cried in your bedroom since you arrived?’
She looked at him and shook her head. ‘No.’
‘Until tonight, you mean,’ he pointed out with a wry smile.
‘I feel like a really bad mother.’ Her eyes filled and he ignored all the alarm bells sounding in his head and pulled her into his arms, folding her against his chest. He felt her feeble resistance but there was no way he was letting her go.
‘You’re a great mother Lucy,’ he said gruffly, gritting his teeth as he felt her sob into his chest. Damn. He hated to see her cry. His arms tightened around her body. ‘Do you really miss Sam’s father that much?’
‘No.’ She shook her head and pulled away from him, wiping her eyes on her sleeve like a child. ‘I thought I did. But I think what I really missed was the safeness of it all, you know? Being with someone who’s always known you gives life a predictability. When that went I felt like a ship without a rudder. For ages I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to cope on my own. But I have, of course. And as for the way I feel about Tim—well, I suppose part of me can’t forgive him for what he did to Sam.’
‘Has he never been in touch with him?’
Lucy shook her head, her expression bleak. ‘Not once. He said that it wouldn’t be fair on Sam but I think that’s nonsense. He just didn’t want a child any more.’
‘We’ve never talked much about Tim,’ Joel said softly. ‘Had you known him long before you married him?’
