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“Why didn’t he tell me?”
“Because I made him a promise, and in return, he did the same.”
Understanding washes over her features, and the blazing flames in her eyes scorch right to my soul. “You promised to stay away from me… you broke my heart for my dad.”
“I didn’t break your heart for your dad.”
“You did!” she yells, shoving at my shoulders with all her strength. I’m caught off guard, stumbling back enough for her to hop down and shuffle out of my reach. “How dare you? How dare he? I cried for months. My mom thought I needed counseling! They fought at night over me, and I thought it was because I was heartbroken, but now I understand it clearly. My mom was pissed. She wanted me to know so I could love you without the pain. You kept it from me! How could you? Did you think that little of me? The simple, silly, innocent young girl who couldn’t handle the truth?”
She’s pacing the floor, ripping pins out of hair and flinging them around the room, her face blistering. When she pins me with her glare, I struggle to find my breath. Injured anger, disbelief, and pure, unfiltered rage roll off her. She’s looking at me with such betrayal, fear seeps into my bones.
“You didn’t trust me?” Her question spears me, and there’s no turning back now.
“I made a promise to become a better man before I came back for you.”
“A promise to who!”
“To your dad, but mostly to me.”
She looks away, tossing the rest of the pins in her hand to the ground, and stomps out of the kitchen. I blow out a breath and wonder how many times I can fuck up with this woman before she finally kicks my ass out of her life.
I’d give anything to go back thirty minutes ago in the shower and have her in my arms.
“That’s not it!” she screams, flying back in. “You were a better man when you came back for Grandpa’s funeral. You fought wars, saved lives, lived through secret missions. Why’d you leave me then?”
“Because I’d committed to two more years. I had a plan at that point and knew what it required of me.”
“You were deployed two more times! Do you know what that did to me? How I died each time I knew you weren’t on US soil?”
“Harley, come here.” I hold out my arms, and she pierces me with a look so savage my throat burns.
“No! I’m coming near you because I want to slap you until you understand what you’ve done. I was a fucking mess! The rest of high school, my years in college, through my first job… all of it, I tried to move on. I felt pathetic! I thought you didn’t care about me!”
“You’re the only goddamned thing I’ve ever cared about!” I roar back, feeling the helplessness taking over. “I knew the risks and pushed myself to the fucking limits to be a man you could be proud of. You were not and never will be pathetic. I was the pathetic one. The drunk’s son who was destined to end up in jail. I refused to take you to the depths of hell with me.”
I know I’ve hit a nerve when her body deflates and quakes. She’s in my arms in less than a second, and I’m carrying her to the sofa, tucking her to me. A sob escapes, followed by another until she is trembling so hard, I’m scared she’s crying herself into hysteria. Every one of her tears sears into my skin, and self-hatred boils in my blood.
She rambles on, shaking her head against my chest and making no sense. I catch a few words and realize she’s not fighting to escape. Instead, she’s wrapping herself around me tightly as if she wants to fuse directly into my body.
I should have been better prepared for this, knowing she would eventually know the truth. Rich warned me on Monday to be ready because Harley wasn’t likely to let the past go. She’s lived with too many unanswered questions for far too long. The only thing I think to do is keep talking.
“I knew the risk of you moving on, finding a nice guy with a fine pedigree and good family. You’d make the perfect wife and give him beautiful children. I lived with that weighing on my mind every damn day of my life. Then when I came home for the funeral, I was done. The one gift I ever gave myself was kissing you. Then I knew I was fucked. I walked away because it took all my focus to set my plan in action. Coming home to you was my endgame.”
“Years!” she wails, another round of tears soaking my chest. “You left me again for years! Then you moved here for the academy and still shut me out. The last six months have been… I don’t know what was worse. You being active in the Marines with all the possibilities, or knowing you were in the same town and didn’t seem to want me.”
