AllFreeNovel
Share Us
He sighed. "I'm sorry. I've wanted to call you for weeks, but I didn't know what to say, and as it turns out, I still don't. I just... I needed to hear your voice."
At his words, my insides began to untie themselves from the knots they were in, but at the same time, I couldn't afford to let my guard down. Talking to him was one thing, but getting close to him again? That was different.
Oh God. What if he wants to ask me for advice about his girlfriend?
"What's going on, Brayden?"
"I broke up with Rachel a few weeks ago."
"Oh."
I couldn't tell him I was sorry. That wasn't to say I was happy to hear he might be in any kind of pain. I didn't want that for him. But he didn't sound like he was heartbroken. He just sounded... awkward.
"Charley, I've really screwed up. And I've been screwing up for months. Since I met Rachel, really."
I tucked my legs underneath me and shuffled back into the corner, picking up a pillow to hold on to. I wasn't sure where this conversation was going to go, and I needed something to grip, just in case it got uncomfortable.
"What do you mean?" I asked quietly.
"I thought I liked her. I mean, I did like her. She's a nice girl, but... I... I couldn't stop thinking about you."
My breath caught in my throat, and I was glad because I didn't want to speak. I needed to hear what he had to say.
"I had a good time with her. She was fun, and she was perfectly nice, but... sometimes, when we were doing something totally mundane, like sitting in a coffee shop, I'd find myself imagining how it would be different if I was with you. Christmas was weird. I was supposed to be out on Christmas Eve with you. I was supposed to be exchanging gifts with you on Christmas Day, and maybe going for a walk on Boxing Day before going into a pub for a quick drink. And New Year's Eve? Charley... I know you saw that photo. I know you did. I was fucking slaughtered, and I didn't realise I'd been tagged in it until the middle of the next day when I woke up. I saw your photos in New York, and it looked amazing. You looked so happy, and I just thought... I thought you were done with me, and I wouldn't blame you if you were because I messed up."
I could barely breathe. His words... knowing he'd felt the way I felt... it made me feel better and worse at the same time. Better to know it wasn't just me, and that the things he'd said had meant something, but worse because I didn't want to think of him feeling as low as I did. Although, probably not that low. At least he was getting laid.
"Why did you do it?" I asked quietly. "Why, when I was so close to coming home?"
"I put so much thought into being with you. I was thinking about you all the time. But I was afraid you didn’t really want to come back. You already had that job offer and..."
"I was going to turn it down. I told you I would."
"But you're still there. You didn't turn it down. And maybe you didn't because you needed a safety net."
I wanted to blast him because his words didn't feel fair, but they were. I hadn't turned down the job right away, and part of that was because I was a little afraid too. Of all the things that could go wrong. But if he hadn't met Rachel, I would have gone home. I wouldn't have backed out because of fear.
"I had a safety net, but I wouldn't have used it if you hadn't forced me to. I was coming home."
There was a long, excruciating pause. “Charley, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you, and I know I did. I know I have no right to ask you if we can start again but... can we?"
I wasn’t sure how to answer. What did that even mean? Starting from where? From now, like nothing ever happened, or from the day we promised each other nothing, potentially leading us right back to where we’d ended up?
I pulled my phone from my ear to switch to speakerphone and jumped when I saw he was trying to connect to my camera.
I needed that. I needed to see him, so I pressed the button.
His beautiful face filled the screen, but he looked different. His eyes, usually sparkling the brightest blue were dull and tired. Dejected.
Unshed tears made my eyes itch. I hadn’t seen him in so long. Hadn’t even heard his voice in months, and there he was. Right there. Showing me the truth about how bad he felt. It was radiating from him so strongly – the hope and the regret – that I could feel it even from so far away.
“Brayden,” I whispered, my voice shaky.
“Charley, please,” he said, blinking as if to keep tears from falling. His voice was thick with emotion. “I really… there aren’t enough words to explain to you how much I wish I hadn’t made you doubt the way I feel about you. I should never have said that we shouldn’t promise each other anything because I want to promise you everything. I did that night, and I still do now. I want that skate in the park we talked about. I want movie nights together, eating takeaways and laughing about stupid stuff the way we always do when we speak on the phone. I want a life with you in it. I want you.”
A warm tear dripped down my cheek, dropping onto my hand. I never thought I would get a moment like this with him. I thought we were done. Or at least, I thought he was done with me. My feelings for him had never left. Even if him seeing someone else had shattered me, there was no denying the truth in what he was saying now.
"I love you, Brayden. I am so in love with you that sometimes I can't sit still. It's like the feeling of loving you is alive inside my veins. God, sometimes I feel like I could explode. Even now. After everything."
