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He stepped inside, not a trace of smugness on his face about getting his way. “What the hell’s going on, Ellie?”
Well, there’s nothing like getting straight to the point. But if that’s the way he wants to play it.
“I’m in love with your brother.”
Jason choked out a bitter, hollow laugh. “In love? With Drew? Come on, Ellie, be serious.”
“I am being serious. I’m in love with him.”
“No.” He shook his head. “If you’re screwing around with Drew, that’s your choice, but don’t try to tell me you two are in love.”
“Since when have I ever screwed around?”
He paused to ponder my question, his eyebrows knitting as if I’d asked him to figure out a tough maths problem. In this case, one and one most definitely equalled two.
“How long has this been going on?”
“About a week,” I replied, sinking onto the bed. The duvet was a crumpled mess from scrambling to get out from underneath it. I longed to throw it over myself, to block out the already awkward conversation with Jason, and hide until the gossip died out.
“Oh please!” Jason spat, pacing the floor. “It doesn’t work that way, you don’t just decide to fall in love with someone and you, Ellie, you don’t fall for people so quickly, especially not people you’ve known your whole life. Not someone like Drew!”
Not someone like Drew. The words echoed in my head, infuriating me. I missed the days when Jason thought his big brother was cool, someone to look up to, instead of… whatever he saw now. Years had passed since then, and the saddest part was, the more respect Jason had lost for Drew, the more respect I gained for him. I got closer, was allowed a little bit further into Drew’s mind with every one of Jason’s screw-ups, and I learned how much more there was to him than the nag Jason always said he’d turned into.
Being with “someone like Drew” made me proud.
“It might not make sense to you. You’ve been too busy promoting lies, getting drunk, and shagging anything th
at moves! In the real world, where the rest of us live, Drew and I make perfect sense.”
Jason flinched as if he’d been slapped. “You lied to me, Ellie.”
The first glimpse of hurt shone through his rage, and my stomach clenched. “Do you think the lies weren’t hard on us? I didn’t enjoy keeping it from you, but we weren’t ready to tell yet. It all happened so fast, and-”
“You didn’t think I had a right to know about it straight away?”
“No more than anyone else.”
There were certain - albeit rare - times when the similarities between the brothers were astonishing. Jason’s face hardened, his eyes shut down.
“When did I stop being important?” he asked, and my insides twisted again, tying themselves into a knot of guilt.
“You didn’t. We-”
“No. When did I stop being important? It used to be me. You used to love me. I loved you too, Ellie. Even if I wasn’t good at showing it.”
His words were unfair. Bringing up long dead feelings to make me feel worse than I already did? I didn’t doubt he loved me. Well, as much as he was capable of when he’d just escaped small town life, and discovered the very definition of sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll. But it wasn’t the same with him. It wasn’t the same as the way I felt for Drew, or the other boyfriends I’d had. We were best friends who might have fallen in mad, crazy love if our circumstances had been different. And if the circumstances had been different, maybe our chemistry would have been different, too.
Put simply, we were never supposed to be together.
“It was a long time ago. We both know those feelings ended way before I finished uni.”
“But I still mattered.” Jason shrugged out of his jacket, throwing it down to punctuate his words. As he did so, something flew across the room and landed right at my feet.
Time slowed.
I reached down to retrieve the item, Jason shouted at me to stop, and when my eyes connected with the mystery object my heart shuddered to a halt.
No. Please, no.
