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It sounded like such a flimsy reason, since we were all in the local hospital after a near-death situation. The reality slammed into me, reinforcing what a complete idiot I was to think Jason could have handled what he was going through alone. I’d made a decision in the moment, knowing the risks and landed us right in “worst case scenario” territory.
“I didn’t plan to use, but you-”
“Don’t!” Drew snapped, his eyes igniting with fire – and not the good kind. “Don’t you dare blame me for this!”
“I wasn’t going to. But yeah, having you remind me what a fuck up I am didn’t make my day any easier. I’m saying Ellie believed me because I told her the truth at the time.”
“You both should have known better! You should have admitted you needed help, and Ellie should have come to me if you were too stubborn to do it yourself!”
“Stop!” I shouted. “Both of you stop!”
I couldn’t take another round of them tearing strips off each other. Not when my heart was already cracking apart in my chest. Drew’s refusal to look at me was torture. I needed him to acknowledge me, to hear me, to understand I didn’t make my decision lightly. It hurt, and I hated it but at the time, it seemed like the best thing to do.
He was right there. My man. Then tears prickled my eyes because maybe he wasn’t mine anymore. The lips I’d kissed, the hands that knew every curve of my body, the soft stomach I’d snuggled into, and the warmth of him when he pressed up against me. I was losing it all.
“Drew. I didn’t... I didn’t-”
“I don’t want to hear it, Ellie. You made your choice. Looks like I was right all along.”
Some kind of spasm erupted in my chest as he walked away, and I wanted to scream. At the pain. The unfairness of his last words. Because, dammit, hadn’t I showed him he was everything? Hadn’t I laid everything out there, and been patient while he tried to work through his own feelings? I’d listened without judging, my heart aching anytime he was in pain, and he was tossing it all aside.
My mistake wasn’t small, I understood that. It symbolised every fear he had that somewhere deep inside, Jason was who I really wanted. That Jason and I would always have memories he wasn’t a part of. But it was a mistake, one I’d do everything to fix if he’d only listen.
“Ellie. If you’ve got a chance to make this right, it’s now. Before he overthinks it and turns it into something way more meaningful than it is.”
I whipped my head around to look at him, and on seeing the sparkle of tears in his eyes, my own spilled. I covered my eyes with my forearm, as if the action would block everything out.
It still hurt just the same.
“Ellie, come on,” Jason urged. “Go now. I know I acted like a dick about it yesterday, but this, you and Drew, it’s right.”
“He isn’t going to get over this.”
“He won’t get over it if you don’t try.”
I threw my head back, wishing I knew the magic words to make Drew hear me. Instead, frustration filled me because the right words didn’t exist. Jason was right, though. If I didn’t try to fight for him, for us, he’d keep on thinking he was right. The part of his head that couldn’t let go of anything, ever, would get the best of him.
Charging out of Jason’s room, I hoped Drew hadn’t gotten too far. My legs felt like noodles, unstable and barely able to carry my weight as I hurried down the corridors, twisting my neck left and right, blindly searching for him through blurry eyes.
There.
The back view of him disappeared into the cafeteria, and I picked up my speed, hoping my legs would hold out a little longer.
I didn’t want a showdown in a public place; I’d been a victim of camera-happy observers more than enough times over the past couple of weeks. Thankfully, there weren’t too many people in the canteen besides a few exhausted-looking visitors, and a couple of nurses grabbing coffee.
“Drew,” I said, gasping for breath.
I didn’t dare touch him, even though every part of me screamed out to circle my arms around him in the hope it would ease his pain a little.
When he turned to me, I was looking at the Drew from a few weeks ago. The one who could shut off his emotions at the snap of his fingers, and not only deny any feelings for me, but stare at me as if I was a stranger.
I blinked, trying to get rid of the tears. “Drew, I’m so sorry. Please, can we talk?”
“I’ve already heard everything I need to. You lied to me. You covered for Jason, and he nearly died.”
It really was that simple for him. He could pick and choose which parts he wanted to listen to, neatly lock them away in compartments in his brain to stew over later. Okay, when it came down to it, that was the truth. I didn’t need any reminders of how stupid I was, because he was right. I should never have kept the truth from him. But my reasons? They weren’t selfish. I didn’t do it for me, or for Jason, but for the brothers. To stop them ruining all they’d worked for.
I wanted to say it out loud, but I couldn’t get more than a squeak to leave my lips.
