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Drew started to walk away, and I reached out with trembling hands to pull him back, my fingers closing around his wrist. His gaze focused on the point where I touched him, but he didn’t pull away. He didn’t move at all.
“Please, don’t do this. Don?
??t shut me out. I need you to listen to me.”
“I needed you to tell me the truth but you didn’t!”
“I tried to tell you last night.”
“Last night was too late!” he snapped, and I started to feel the now familiar sensation of people turning to stare. His voice lowered. “Let go of me.”
I shook my head, staring up at him, willing him to look at me. My breath came out in small, ragged gasps as I fought to keep from breaking down. I was losing him, but if I kept my hand on his wrist, he was still there, still mine. He had to tell me it was okay.
Had to.
The man I’d waited so long for couldn’t leave me this way. Hanging on, needing to hear him say he understood.
“Ellie.”
One word. That was all it took to break my heart. His eyes locked onto mine.
“You need to go now.”
“No.” I gripped his arm tighter, desperately shaking my head. “Drew.”
“Ellie, stop.”
His hand covered mine, and for a second, he gently squeezed. It was only for a moment, but it filled me with warmth, like always.
Don’t move. Please. Let me have this moment to fool myself we’re going to be okay. Please.
His eyes closed, then prised my fingers from him. “I’ll see you around.”
As he walked away, he heaved a sigh and quickly brushed his hand across his face while I stood, frozen.
I was aware of the people around me, whispering, watching and that was enough to make me will my feet to move, even though all I wanted was to stay close to Drew. Walking out meant admitting it was over. I knew it was over, but I wasn’t ready to leave him behind.
See you around. Like we were friends. Less than friends. Just two people who grew up beside each other, but hadn’t shared anything. Not secrets, not worries, not even a damn cup of sugar.
And certainly not love.
My knees buckled, but I made myself walk faster through the corridors with my head down. The press were still outside the hospital entrance, but I pushed through them, hardly feeling or hearing them this time, and ran to my car, locking myself inside.
Silence surrounded me, heavy and oppressive. Pressing my forehead against the steering wheel, huge, body-wracking sobs spilled out of me, emptying me from the inside, making me hollow.
I wandered into my flat in an exhausted daze. I’d walked out of the hospital more than an hour ago, but after stopping to let my tears out, then calming myself down enough to drive, plus the travel time... it seemed like ages ago since I left.
Right away, I wanted to run straight back out of the apartment.
Drew’s bag from our trip to London waited in the hallway; the front pocket slightly open, the flap hanging down like a tongue poking out, mocking me. I threw my keys down on the table beside the door and went to the kitchen, giving the bag a swift kick as I walked by. It fell with a satisfying thud. I then took a bottle of water from the fridge, downing it before grabbing another and carrying it to my room.
The smell of Drew hit me immediately. The scent of his shower gel, his clothes, and... him clung to my bedroom.
With the little energy I had left, I crawled onto the bed, clinging to the t-shirt he’d left behind as if it was a security blanket, except secure was the last thing I felt.
I reached out and pulled my duvet around my shivering body, hiding myself away from everything. Everything but Drew’s T-shirt which I clutched to my chest as if it was him. I closed my eyes. Pictured him beside me. Imagined his warm arms enveloping me, maybe brushing my hair off my face and placing a gentle kiss on my forehead. Telling me to have sweet dreams. And I’d tuck my head under his chin, pull him closer, and wrap my arms around his back.
His shirt was a lousy substitute, but it was all I had.
