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He carried me outside, placing me back on my feet in front the pub’s doors. The cold hit me immediately. My internal organs were on pause, waiting for Drew to speak. He stood in front of me, not touching me, just watching me with awe.
“I can’t believe you did that for me. You… you were going to sing your song.”
I nodded, my body relaxing a little. “I practised. A lot. I’m sorry I couldn’t do it, Drew. I … it felt wrong, like I was using the words you wrote to make you feel guilty or something, and-”
Drew’s mouth closed over mine, putting a stop to my panicked rambling. His kiss was life being breathed back into me. Everything inside me that had been dead and listless began to stir and awaken.
“Ells, it was an amazing thing for you to attempt.” He rested one hand on my hip while the other gently played with the ends of my hair. “I’m sorry I made you think you had to do something so big to get me to listen.” He shook his head, his eyes glistening again. “I wanted to talk to you every day. Every time I saw you, I felt like my guts were being ripped out all over again, not because of what you did, but because I left you. In the hospital, I left you there, begging me to listen. I walked away. I didn’t think… I thought you’d never forgive me for leaving you there.”
The memory of the most painful moment of my life forced more tears to spill; when he prised my fingers from his arm and turned his back on me.
“I didn’t blame you for reacting the way you did. I lied to you. I confirmed every fear you had about me and Jason, but it wasn’t because I-”
“I know, Ells.” Drew rested his forehead against mine. “I get that it wasn’t about you having a thing for him. And I didn’t want to stop you being close to him, I just wanted to feel as though I meant more, and I should have already known. I did mean more.”
“You do.” I stepped forward to close the gap between us. A happy sigh escaped my lips as I nestled into his chest, snuggling into his warmth.
“How did you find out about your song, Ells?”
“How do you think?”
Drew held me tighter, slipping both arms around me. “Jason.”
“Yes. Jason.”
“He did this for us.”
“Yup. He never does anything on a small scale.”
“For sure.” I looked up, and saw Drew staring thoughtfully over my shoulder. “Things with me and Jason aren’t much better, Ellie. But we’re trying. I’m trying.” He paused then fixed his gaze on me. “I don’t ever want to make you think I’m not listening or that you can’t be around for Jason without me flipping out. He needs you too. More than you know. I don’t want to get in the way of your friendship with him. What you said in there made me feel like an arse for not seeing things clearly before now. For not understanding what you told me every day we were together.” Drew paused again. “I can’t promise to always do everything right, but I promise to try. I need to be with you, Ells. I love you.”
The words I’d missed so much danced through my brain, and I let them hang in the air between us. I’d thought I would never hear them again.
“I don’t need you to do everything right. I need you to be you. That’s all I ever wanted.”
All I’ll ever want.
I reached up on my tiptoes and wound my arms around his neck. “I love you too.”
When Drew’s lips found mine, I knew we were going to be okay. His arms were my home, his body was my shelter, and his kiss re-lit a spark in me that had never fully fizzled out, not even when we were apart.
Maybe nobody ever knows for sure how life will turn out, but in that moment, I knew I was where I’d always wanted to be. The little girl on the lonely step, holding on to the little boy who didn’t know who he was yet.
