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“No,” I told him. “We're not going to argue.”
I couldn't be sure, but I'd have said anything to put his mind at rest.
Jamie swivelled his head round to look at Radleigh. “Please don't make Auntie Leah cry. I don't like it when she cries.”
I wasn't sure whether to hug him or throttle him. He'd spoken with such innocence, but strongly implied that I’d been crying a lot, which was true. I just didn't want Radleigh to know.
Radleigh smiled down at Jamie. “I won't make her cry.”
Jamie grinned at him. “Okay.”
He bounded back over to Josh and the others.
Once Radleigh and I were away from prying eyes, in another unfamiliar locker room, I said, “What do you want?”
For a moment he looked as confused as I felt so I sat down on a bench and waited for him to begin. I’d kind of missed the pungent smell of locker rooms. That very distinct aroma of football boots, clean team shirts, sweat and mud was strangely welcoming.
Radleigh’s silence allowed me to take in every detail of him. His dark hair, the tattoos peeking out from the sleeves of his shirt, his strong arms that had held me close then pushed me away.
“I'm glad you're here, Leah.”
His words released me from the bad memories.
“Why?” I asked.
“Why do you think?”
“I have no clue. Maybe you missed having me around to annoy. Maybe you haven't argued with anyone in a while so you thought you'd try me. Or perhaps you want to have another go at humiliating me. Am I close?”
“I missed you,” he said, in a tone I'd never heard from him before.
“Right,” I said. “Sure you did.”
“Don't make this difficult. I'm trying to apologise.”
“Well excuse me if I find that hard to believe,” I said, standing up. “Is it any wonder that I'm suspicious of you? You drag me in here after speaking to me for thirty seconds, and-”
“Shut up!” he shouted. “Just stop talking and listen!”
Taken aback by his outburst, I took a step away from him and sat down again.
While I waited for him to speak, my eyes lingered on his. How could a man who had hurt me so much, who’d embarrassed me and let me down, still be so perfect to me?
“I … I wanted to tell you … I’ve missed you, Leah.”
“Is that all?”
“No. But I wasn't prepared to see you and-”
“Jesus Christ,” I muttered. “The fact that you needed to 'prepare' to talk to me doesn't exactly fill me with confidence.”
“I just don’t want to say the wrong thing. This is important.”
“What's this about, Radleigh?”
“You know what this is about.”
His words were loaded with an unspoken confession. But was it the confession I’d been hoping for, or was this another one of his games where I thought he meant one thing when he really meant something else?
