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“You really think we can sort everything out with one conversation? Radleigh, we're talking about me uprooting my whole life. Again.”
His arms dropped from around my waist and he turned away from me. It was only then that I realised we were quite a few feet higher in the air than we had been. We’d been so engrossed in each other that the view over London was the last thing on our minds. With a sharp intake of breath, I instinctively reached out to him, just for something to hold on to. He shrugged me off, and I was torn between trying to keep control of my fears and trying to have the serious discussion with him.
I leaned back against the edge of the capsule in order to keep my balance while I got used to the fact that we’d moved, and took a couple of deep breaths.
We weren't anywhere near full height yet and I was already having a panic attack. My palms were sweating, and my legs began to shake.
This was not supposed to happen. I was not meant to be arguing with Radleigh, but telling him how deathly afraid I am of heights and letting him calm me down.
“Well,” I said, trying to keep a quiver out of my voice, “I guess this proves my point. We've not even been together for twenty four hours and we're already fighting.”
He turned his head to look at me. “You're the one being unreasonable.”
“I’ve got no intention of standing here and begging you to hear what I'm saying,” I told him. “So if you're done discussing this, I'll go back to quietly freaking out.”
I closed my eyes for a second, in an attempt to steady myself a little, then wiped my perspiring palms on my jeans, silently telling myself that everything was okay. I squeezed my eyes closed again, willing myself to realise that my fear was irrational. I was perfectly safe.
I had two options. I could suffer silently, or ask Radleigh for help.
“Radleigh, could you … I need you to hold my hand.”
Once, a long time ago, I would never have asked and even if I had, I wouldn't have believed he'd be there for me. Even in the middle of our disagreement things had changed enough for me to know that when I reached out for him, he would be there.
His hand closed over mine and he carefully drew me to him. I could tell he was still pissed off from the way he held me, but he was holding me.
That had to mean something, right?
“Have you ever been in a relationship with someone you loved so much you felt like you couldn't breathe without them?” I asked, my voice now trembling almost as much as my legs.
“Not yet,” he answered dryly.
“The last time I loved someone that way, I got screwed over. I've never been that girl. The girl who means everything to someone.”
There was a long, excruciating silence, then Radleigh said, “You are that girl. You'd think I'd get sick of you, always arguing with me, telling me you're not interested, challenging me. I can't get away with anything with you. I’m not tired of you yet and I don't see that happening.”
That was so much what I needed to hear, I let myself sag against him, holding him tightly.
I knew what I wanted. I’d always known. Cornwall was my home only by chance. L.A was where I belonged. Even when I left everyone and everything behind, I knew. But I’d needed time to heal. Time to be with my family, to gather up the bits of me that were broken. Radleigh was offering me the final piece. The piece that would cover up the last gaping hole inside me and I wanted to take it.
God, I really wanted to take it.
Take it. It’s all yours. Those doubts in your head … they’re nothing but excuses. He’s made all the moves to show you he loves you. Now you need to do the same. Be honest. But don’t let him go.
Taking a deep breath, I said, “I want to be with you. In L.A. But I need a little time.”
Radleigh kissed the top of my head. “I didn’t expect you to fly back with me right away.”
“I’ll need to get my stuff packed up again, and search for a job.”
“You don't need a job,” he said. “You can-”
“What?” I interrupted. “Stay at home and clean your enormous house?”
“What makes you think my house is enormous?”
I looked up at him. “Radleigh McCoy, don't you dare try and tell me that size isn't important to you.”
“Okay, so it's huge,” he admitted with a grin. “You don't have to clean it though. I have a housekeeper.”
