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“I'm not using it against you, I'm just asking you if that's really what you want to do. I can't believe you're going to throw your life here away because a few people said crappy things about you. They say things about me all the time and I haven't run away yet.”
“That's because most of the things they say about you are true. What does it matter to you anyway? I thought you'd be glad to be rid of me so you can move on to your next conquest.”
Again, that unreadable look crossed his face but his jaw clenched in anger.
“You're right. You shouldn't be too difficult to replace. There are a million pretty girls out there who could easily fill your shoes.”
His words cut through me like a knife, though I wasn't about to let it show. He was never going to have the satisfaction of knowing how much he'd got to me.
“I'm sure there are,” I said, keeping my voice even. “And I'm sure you'll have a great time getting to know them. After all, that's what you're all about isn't it? The thrill of the chase?”
“That's right,” he said. “No point in letting things get boring.”
His eyes stared right at me as he used the word “boring” and the knife twisted a little further. I was more angry at myself than him though. I had handed him the power to hurt me when I told him about my past. I’d been stupid enough to think he would understand, and maybe even care. Instead, I’d given him another way to break my heart.
Without waiting for McCoy to say anything else, I stalked along the corridor, and back to my office.
****
How I managed to stop myself from bursting into tears during the afternoon, I had no idea. The numbness returned, and I immersed myself in it, blocking Radleigh out of my head. I couldn't believe the way he’d reacted to the news of me leaving, and his confirmation that I was nothing more than another notch on his bedpost was more than I could stand.
Freya put my emotional mood down to the stress I’d been dealing with. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her the truth. In order to cheer me up, she decided to hold a mini party for me at our apartment that night. What I really wanted to do was drown in my own depression but she was too good a friend to let me do that.
There was one more thing I had to do before I attempted to pretend to enjoy myself. I had to call home.
It took me a full hour to prepare myself to pick up the phone. I had no idea how to break the news to my parents, and my reluctance to do so wasn't helped by the knowledge that I just didn't want to go back. My mum was, predictably, ecstatic when I told her. She said she knew I’d “come to my senses” eventually. As much as I loved her, I hated that turn of phrase. It made me feel like a failure.
I didn’t have too much time to wallow in my sadness. I took a quick shower and changed my clothes, ready for my friends to attempt to break me out of my funk.
Will, Jesse, Bree and Miguel showed up at seven, bringing with them a feast of Chinese food, just because they knew it was my favourite. It was a strange mix of people. Will, who still hadn’t quite got over the fact that I slept with Radleigh, Jesse, who was still nursing a broken heart, Miguel, the man whose heart I’d stomped on, and Bree, who … well she barely noticed anything had changed. Collectively though, they were still my friends and it was hard to be unhappy when they were being so supportive.
“I think,” Bree announced, when we were all stuffed with food and sprawled all over the living room, “that I should be allowed to drink wine tonight.”
“And why do you think that?” Will asked from his spot on the sofa. “You are underage, little lady!”
“Because,” she went on, “Leah won’t be here for my big 21st birthday party, and that means she won’t see me the first time I get drunk!”
I’d forgotten about Bree’s party. The invites hadn’t gone out yet because it wasn’t until the end of the year but she hadn’t wasted any time making sure everyone saved the date.
Giggles echoed around the room. “I appreciate you thinking of me but I’m not sure if I want to see you getting pissed and embarrassing yourself in the name of celebration!”
“Bree embarrasses herself even without alcohol,” Jesse teased, sitting up straighter. “But she has a point. Leah won’t be here for my 21st either so I think I should have a beer … you know … because I don’t want her to miss out.”
“Ha! Your 21st is years away kiddo,” I laughed. “No beer for you! Anyway, it’s not like either of you have never had alcohol before!”
Jesse and Bree both faked an identical look of mock horror, causing everyone to burst out laughing again.
“She’s right,” Freya said, looking at Bree. “We were there the night you demanded to try vodka after our first, and last, Zumba class.”
“Oh my God!” Bree squealed. “I thought I was going to die from the dizziness!”
“Well you’re not meant to neck the whole glass when you’re not used to it.”
“You could have told me!”
“You didn’t give us the chance!”
“Okay,” Miguel said, grinning. “Bree has earned a glass of w
