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“Did you tell Jesse? Does he know about the letter?”
“He doesn’t know. And I didn’t talk to him about you trying to kiss him. I… I was surprised. You ran out so fast. I thought you were embarrassed or something. I was scared if I made a big deal out of it you wouldn’t come over anymore. But then I got Taylor’s letter.”
I raised my head to be met with the same angry gaze. Still there, completely unfaltering. I paused to remind myself she was a kid because her stare totally intimidated me.
“You honestly think that’s who I am? That I’d use you the way she used Jesse?”
“I didn’t think you would, but Taylor sure went to a lot of trouble to tell me everything bad you ever did.”
“And some stuff I never did. God, I can’t believe her.”
I can’t believe she’s dead. I know I should have regretted slapping her but I couldn’t. Even as the thought crossed my mind, it hurt my heart to feel that way. But if her journal taught me anything, it was that she had nothing better to do with her time than make other people miserable. I’d wanted to find a glimpse of a good person within those pages to prove I hadn’t been completely fooled by her. To prove the decent person I’d seen within her was real, not a role she played to get her way. The good person just didn’t exist.
“Which parts are true?” Kayla asked, halting my thoughts.
“I can tell you but first you have to answer something for me. Deal?”
She gave a single nod of her head, and I let out a sigh. Tired, weary, hurt.
“Does anything I did before matter to you? Does it matter as much as why you really came here? To find out if I was using you?”
Nothing changed in Kayla’s expression or posture as if she hadn’t even heard me. She didn’t speak for something like a trillion years. To distract myself, I twirled my wedding ring around on my finger. Of everything I owned, my wedding ring was my most treasured thing. A symbol that someone wanted me around forever and I wanted them right back. Forever. Not until I had a total freak out and attempted to jump on another guy. My wedding vows weren’t just words I got through so I could call Jude my husband, and my ring wasn’t just a pretty accessory that came with the marriage. It all meant something to me. Knowing I’d been so close to throwing it all away scared me more than anything else that had ever happened to me. It was my fault. Taylor hurried the process along but I gave her everything she needed to take me down.
And that’s why Jude wanted you to be sure about the make-up course. Obviously, learning a new skill was never going to ruin my life but I did act too fast sometimes. Fast enough to land myself in trouble.
“I don’t care about what you did before,” Kayla said eventually. “I can’t imagine you ever doing anything bad. You’re too nice. If you did bad things, maybe you did them because you had to, like when homeless people steal food because they’re hungry.”
I didn’t mean to giggle but the way she rambled sounded a lot like me when I tried to puzzle something out.
“I never stole a thing. I did meet Jude when some scary people were trying to make me steal his car but I couldn’t and they attacked me. Jude pretty much saved my life. At the very least, he saved me from getting really, really hurt.”
“What about Jesse? I mean, are you in love with him?”
“No. I’m not. I don’t wanna talk down to you like you won’t understand but it is sort of complicated. Things have been weird between Jude and me, and Jesse took care of me. I did a stupid thing last night, but your brother is pretty awesome and he didn’t let me see it through.”
“What about me? Were you being nice to me because of him?”
Her eyes glistened and I shuffled my chair closer to hers so I could hold her hands.
“Kayla, I fell in love with you way before I thought I had feelings for Jesse. You know that, I know you do. Remember when he was in London, and Freya and I took you ice skating? You were spinning around and doing fancy tricks, and I kept falling down! I thought you were pretty cool back then.”
Kayla’s face broke into a small grin. “You were terrible. And then Will came and tried to sneak up on Freya, and they both fell down because he scared her.”
I’d actually forgotten. I’d seen Freya and Will fall down in a drunken heap several times, but never on ice. I’d never seen them laugh so hard either. The memory made me giggle and I made a note to remind them of it next time I saw them.
Remind Freya. I can only remind Freya.
The ache of losing Will set in again, but I forced it down as Kayla squeezed my hand.
“I liked Will a lot.”
“Everyone did. He was a good guy.”
“I’m sorry, Bree. I’m sorry I let Taylor’s letter ruin everything.”
“It’s okay, sweetheart. Thank you for coming to talk to me instead of believing all the crap she wrote.”
“Thanks for not calling me a brat and telling me to go away.”
