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“Please,” he mouthed again.
I nodded and moved from the bed to the chair beside the bed, my pulse racing at the enormity of what I was about to witness. I wasn’t sure how much more my heart could handle before it combusted from the sheer joy of the last couple of hours.
“Okay, you can open your eyes,” Radleigh said.
As Leah’s eyelids fluttered open, her gaze landed on the small velvet box in Radleigh’s hand. Her eyes widened as she looked from the box to Radleigh.
He smiled. “I’ve been waiting for the right moment to do this for a while. I didn’t know it would be today, but the second the nurses handed our baby to you, I wished more than anything I’d carried this with me everywhere.” He flipped the lid of the box, revealing an understated but beautiful diamond engagement ring. Leah’s whole body began to tremble as Radleigh shuffled off the bed and got down on one knee. “That day in London, when I begged you to give us a chance, I didn’t expect things to move so fast but when you told me you were pregnant I knew I wanted you and our baby more than I’ve ever wanted anything.” He glanced at Jessica, smiling, before looking back up at Leah. “I love you both so much.” Radleigh paused and drew in a deep breath. “Leah Walker, will you marry me?”
Leah nodded, barely managing to squeak out a “Yes” before the tears fell again. Radleigh stood up and carefully placed the ring on her finger then kissed her softly. Leah snuggled into him, blissfully happy and I stood up, hoping to sneak away without breaking their moment.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Leah asked.
“Dammit! I was trying to be subtle!”
“I let you stay for a reason,” Radleigh said, laughing. “You don’t have to go.”
He didn’t need to explain his reasons; I knew. He understood my friendship with Leah, knew how much a part of each other’s lives we were and that the significant moments would always be shared. He was grateful I’d been there for Leah, and although I wouldn’t have minded leaving during the proposal, I loved that he didn’t mind me being there.
“Congratulations,” I said, grinning as I hugged them both, being very careful not to squish Jessica in the process. “But seriously, you three need some time alone, and we all need some rest. Let’s crash for a while, and I’ll be back to see you later.”
After a long goodbye filled with more congratulatory hugs and kisses, I made my way to the parking lot. Tired as I was, I couldn’t contemplate driving my car; it was way too dangerous. Instead, I called a cab, and I finally crawled into bed at seven-thirty a.m; exhausted and happier than I’d been in a very long time.
Chapter 14 – Something Unexpected
I didn’t sleep for as long as I’d hoped. Five hours later I was awake again, and my body cried out for sustenance. I hadn’t eaten anything more than a protein bar in almost twenty-four hours, so I poured myself a small bowl of cereal to graze on while I made blueberry pancakes; my favourite weekend treat.
My head and my heart were still full to the brim with excitement for Leah and Radleigh. As I ate my breakfast on the balcony, I let my mind replay the day before. Two major events had occurred, but from and around them, many other things had happened too. I’d met Isabelle who had taught me some things about myself I’d tried to hide from. I’d taken care of someone who was having a baby, and spent many hours doing nothing but talking to Leah; a luxury we hadn’t had time for in a while. I’d cemented a friendship with Radleigh that was based on more than me just being Leah’s friend.
Most importantly, I’d gained a little clarity.
Huge, life-changing events put things into perspective. They can also throw everything out of focus just as easily; something I was all-too familiar with. The twists and turns throughout the year so far had left my head spinning more times than I could count, but I finally felt like the spinning had stopped, or at least slowed down to a bearable pace.
Jessica Willa McCoy. That little girl didn’t even know how much love she was going to get. She would have been special to me no matter what, but Leah and Radleigh’s touching gesture made her more so. Will would always be in my life in one way or another; that was a given. But trying to stay physically close to him was an unhealthy habit I should have dropped a while ago. Now his memory would live on beyond those who knew him, to another generation. I couldn’t wait to tell Jessica all about Will, and maybe show her the photo album
my friends had made for me.
The photo album.
I still hadn’t looked at it. Miguel and I had meant to and then…
I carried my plate of pancakes inside and set it down on the coffee table then sat down on the floor and pulled the book of memories out.
I smoothed my hand over the front cover before opening it up, determined to get past the first page this time. It was easier now; I was ready. Each page turn took me back to a different time and place. An early newspaper photo of the Westberg coaches shortly after I’d joined the team showed Will and I standing beside each other before our friendship had really taken hold. Another photo from training showed me squirting a bottle of water over him and him staring up at me in horror because it wasn’t the end of the day yet, and how could he possibly work in wet clothes? That memory was one of many from before Will learned to lighten up. Later photos showed us sightseeing in different cities, and the one of Will on a night out after someone had placed a blonde wig on his head made me laugh out loud. There were tears in my eyes as I turned the pages and I still felt the usual ache inside me when I thought of him, but now I could laugh as I remembered the good times.
The shift in my feelings had happened slowly and then all at once. Small parts of myself had been pieced back together, and while I had a long way to go, every day was easier.
I’d made a decision the night before. A decision that would change everything, and would maybe make my teammates see me as a completely different person. I was a different person; you can’t lose someone who meant the world to you and not change. But the difference wasn’t the one they thought. I hadn’t become heartless, and I wasn’t confused anymore. My heart continued to hurt every day, making its presence known, but it had healed a little. Enough to allow me to feel its beat and not hate myself for experiencing emotion again.
There were three things on my to-do-list that day, and two of them had to wait for several hours which meant the hardest of all tasks had been bumped to the top.
I stared at Will’s photo album, my eyes still on the last photo, of us together in London. The night he told me he loved me for the first time. I ran my fingers across his cheek.
“I need to do this now.”
I picked up my empty plate and put it in the kitchen sink before showering and dressing. Then I remembered I’d left my car at the hospital. Visiting the hospital was one of the things I had on my list of things to do, but I didn’t want to disturb Leah and Radleigh just yet. Getting a cab there and not seeing them was hard but there was a much more pressing issue I had to deal with.
As I sat down beside Will’s grave the way I’d done so many times before, I let out a sigh. Everything was so different since the last time I went there, and a small knot formed in my stomach because I knew this was the last time I’d do this. Of course, I’d still visit his grave, but it was the last time I’d visit with the sole intention of telling him the things I needed to say. The things I wanted him to hear.
