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“You met her,” I finished for him.
“No. I mean… I did, but it wasn’t like I planned it. She planned it. She just… she said she wanted to talk about Jayden and what would happen if… if I am his father.”
I shook my head. “I don’t care that you saw her. I care that you didn’t tell her you could discuss those things if and when they became necessary. But mostly I care that you didn’t tell me. Just like you didn’t tell me she was here. And that she claimed you fathered her child.”
The reminder that it was no longer just a claim made my stomach lurch and I paused at the ache in my heart.
“I was with her for less than fifteen minutes,” he said. “I didn’t think it mattered.”
Except the expression on his face, the guilt, the fact he wouldn’t look me in the eye told me otherwise.
“What part of us telling each other everything have you forgotten?” I asked, quietly. “You said you wouldn’t keep anything from me again, and yet, here we are. You knew how I would feel about it.” I stood up. “You know how I feel about this whole thing, and by not telling me, you’re giving her the power to tear us apart.” I walked towards him and reached up to place my hands on his shoulders. “Why? Why didn’t you tell me?”
He looked up at me slowly. “Because I didn’t want to deal with this. Because I didn’t want you to get upset over something that wasn’t important.”
My hands dropped to my sides and I shook my head as I turned away from him. “You don’t get it, do you? You still don’t understand.” I paused. “Or maybe you do. Maybe you understand but you’re lying to yourself.”
That part deep inside me that feared Jen, feared what she could do to our relationship, ripped its way out of my body, making every fibre of me hurt. I wanted to be strong. I wanted to be okay with all this and take it in my stride but I couldn’t silence the fear that somewhere, buried beneath his protests about how much he hated her, he still felt something. Something that might only strengthen now they shared a son.
But you share a daughter. You’re getting married.
Yet true as that was, it didn’t settle the doubts.
“This is why, Leah.” I turned to look at him as he continued. “You think I still care about her. I can see it every time you look at me. Every time you’ve looked at me since she’s been back. I thought if I told you I saw her, it would only make you believe it more.”
“You lying is what makes me believe it, Radleigh. If you came to me and said you’d seen her, she wouldn’t have been able to throw it into the conversation. You know what she’s like. You know how much she loves trouble. Yet you still gave her the opportunity to create more.”
Silence hung in the air between us, both of us staring, waiting for the other to speak. Eventually, without taking my eyes away from his, I said, “I need some space. I think we need some space. I… I’m gonna check in to a hotel for a couple of days.”
Radleigh’s brow furrowed. “What? Why?” He took a few steps towards me. “Leah, come on. I don’t want this.” He shook his head, running his hands through his hair. “I don’t want any of this.”
“You think I do? You think I want to deal with all the changes that are going to happen? We’re talking about adding an extra person to our family, trying to figure out how we do that, and trying to figure out how we keep Jen from ripping us apart.”
“You think leaving is going to help us? How is that going to help us figure anything out?”
“I’m not leaving, baby,” I said, more softly. “I just need a couple of days.”
“I need you.” Radleigh took my hand. “I just found out I have another kid. You’re just gonna leave me here to process that?”
“I’m still here for you. But, Radleigh, I can’t just shrug off the fact that you’ve kept things from me. I can’t pretend I’m okay with that. I love you but… I can’t be near you right now.”
I pulled my hand away from his and turned to leave the room.
“No,” he said, and I stopped. “If you want some space, I’ll go stay with Mom and Dad. Everything you need for Jessica is here. It makes more sense for me to go. But I will be back. In a few days, I’ll be back. And then we’re gonna work this out.”
**
Radleigh packed a bag and left the house within an hour. His departure was… uneventful. We did kiss goodbye, and we both said ‘I love you’ but there was nothing dramatic. No fight. And I was relieved. Did I really want to be apart from him? Not at all. But I did need the space. We both did. He might have thought lying to me was harmless but the truth was… how could it be? His reasons made sense to him, and to a degree, I understood, but when it came down to it, regardless of how he thought I’d have reacted, he still should have told me. He should have taken the risk of me flipping out over giving her the chance to spring it on me.
As I sat at the kitchen table with a glass of red wine, I sighed to myself. The house seemed empty without Radleigh. Jessica was asleep, and just me alone… I felt a little lost. Lost and deflated. Maybe this was a snapshot. A preview of what my life might become. Deep down, I knew he would be back. That was the only thing that kept me from letting the tears fall, but the realisation that Jen clearly still had some kind of hold over him… that was a truth I couldn’t ignore.
The doorbell rang, and with another sigh, I decided to ignore it. It couldn’t be Jen this time – not unless she’d been standing outside for an hour. Deranged as she was, I didn’t think even she was that crazy. Nope. Had to be one of my friends, and I wasn’t in the mood for sharing what had happened just yet. I wanted to wallow with my glass of wine. Maybe two.
My phone buzzed beside me and I picked it up, rolling my eyes when I saw the message.
Leah, let me in.
Bryce. Well, that told me he hadn’t just dropped by to see Radleigh. If he had and there was no answer, he’d have left. Radleigh must have told him.
