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I raised my eyebrows. “Well, tell me what you’re thinking and we’ll take it from there.”
“I want to keep him,” James said, pushing a hand through his hair. He too looked tired and worn down from it all. “I know I have no legal right to do so. And I’ve always known he isn’t mine. But I’ve raised him as my own since the day he was born. Until a few weeks ago, he thought I was his father, and he still calls me daddy. He’s grown up knowing me, and then there’s Harley. The boys are so close. The idea of splitting them up…” he trailed off and shook his head, lowering his gaze to the floor.
“I want him too,” Radleigh said. “I understand how you feel. And thank you for everything you’ve done for him, because who the hell knows how he would be if Jen was the only influence on his life. But I didn’t know he was mine. If I had, I’d have fought for the right to see him and then I wouldn’t be a stranger to him. I’ve been lucky enough to spend some time with him, and he knows me now. Not the way he knows you, but he does know I’m his dad. He has grandparents here, and a little sister. I think he should be with me and Leah.”
James glanced up at him again. “Everything he knows is in New York.”
“Everything? From what he’s told me, he’s never had much of a childhood. Not many friends, doesn’t go to a school.”
“I gave him a childhood, Radleigh. Everything Jen didn’t do for him, I did. I took him to the park and taught him to play soccer. I took him to football games, and watched movies with him. He has grandparents in New York too. My parents. I was there when he took his first steps. Said his first word.” He shook his head. “The truth is, I know I can’t win here. Jayden is your son, and if you want him, there’s nothing I can do. I just need you to be real sure this is what you want. He’s been through enough. I don’t want his life screwed up anymore.”
The love James had for Jayden was almost tangible. I could almost taste it on my tongue because it flooded from him in waves. He loved that little boy with all his heart, and as much as I understood Radleigh’s position, and wanted Jayden to live with us, my heart ached for James. He’d lost his wife, and was about to lose the child he’d always called his son.
And I was supposed to help make this decision somehow?
“So far,” I began, “you guys seem to be handling this pretty well. This doesn’t need to get ugly. All we need to do is work out what’s best for Jayden, and if we can do that without having to get lawyers too involved, all the better.”
“What do you think is best?” Radleigh asked.
For a moment, I stayed silent, trying to figure out my answer. I wished it was as easy as being able to choose one over the other, but it wasn’t. Both Radleigh and James had Jayden’s best interests in mind, and they both had valid points about where he’d be better off.
“This might sound crazy,” I said. “But… why don’t you ask him what he wants? I know he’s only five, and maybe he’ll just pick whoever buys him the most toys and sweets, but he’s very bright for his age. Something tells me he’ll know what he wants.”
“But… what if he chooses James?” Radleigh asked. “How would that even work?”
“I guess we would have some kind of custody agreement drawn up that states that he lives with me during school time and with you during the holidays… maybe?” James suggested. “I don’t want to keep you away from him, Radleigh. You can visit whenever you want, or I can bring him here.”
“What if he chooses Radleigh?” I asked. “If Jayden lived here with us, what would make it easier for you? What would you want in terms of seeing him?”
Beside me, I felt Radleigh tense and I knew what he was thinking. Even though he understood James’s feelings, I knew a part of him wanted this to be it. If Jayden came to live with us, James would no longer be a part of his life. But cutting him out completely? It just wouldn’t be fair.
James sighed. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m even allowed to ask for if it came to that. Like I said, I have no rights. But he is Harley’s brother, and regardless of anything else, I want them in each other’s lives.”
I nodded. “Of course. But that’s not going to be easy with work for all of us, and school for Jayden. He’s so young. We can’t be dragging him back and forth across the country too often during school time. It’ll be too much for him.”
“I could visit some weekends. We’d have to figure out how often, and maybe I could come and spend some time with him during school holidays too.”
“You know what?” Radleigh said, and I turned to him. “Can we sleep on this? I’m tired, and I’m not sure we’re really getting anywhere right now.”
“Sure.” James stood up as if he was ready to get the hell out of there. “I’ll bring Jayden in tomorrow so you can see him.”
The tension had amped up somewhat during the conversation, and Radleigh was right, if we kept talking, we’d probably have ended up going round in circles. We all needed to get some rest.
“Thanks.” Radleigh gave a small nod. James nodded back in response, and after giving me a small smile, he left the room.
The second he’d gone, Radleigh and I both let out huge sighs, making us both laugh as the tension drifted away.
“Are you okay?” I asked, placing my hand on his cheek as I turned and shuffled closer to him. “You should probably try and get some rest soon.”
Radleigh placed his hand over mine, our fingers entwining. “You should too. You look beat.”
I nodded. “I’m exhausted. But I’m not ready to leave you yet.
Smiling, he said, “Come here, baby.”
I kicked off my shoes then turned and put my feet up on the bed, carefully snuggling against him and resting my arm lightly across his chest as he put his arm around my shoulders. Right away, the tiredness fully kicked in, because lying in his arms was the only thing I’d wanted to do all day. The only thing I wanted to do for the rest of my life.
“I know there’s a lot to talk about,” I said quietly, closing my eyes. “But right now, all I want to do is just be here with you.”
