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Radleigh’s hand moved slowly up my arm then burrowed into my hair, winding strands gently around his fingers. “Me too.”
There really was a lot to discuss. Things we should have tried to figure out before James came back and we had another attempt at working out what was best for Jayden. But I needed the silence.
We both needed it. The blur of the last twenty-four hours had my head spinning, and I wanted it to stop. To do that thing everyone always tells you to do. To take a moment to appreciate everything I had. It wasn’t like I ever took Radleigh for granted, but coming so close to losing him had made me realise a few things. First and foremost, how much I loved him. It’s one thing knowing you love someone, but in that haze of time when you don’t know if you’ll ever see them again, nothing makes sense anymore. The clocks stop, your heart ceases beating, and the fear? God. Nothing in the world could have prepared me. He meant everything to me.
Everything.
If things had been different, if he had left me for Jen, I wouldn’t have coped. No matter how strong I thought I was, Radleigh was so much a part of me that seeing him with someone else would have broken me. But never seeing him again at all?
I didn’t understand how Freya survived Will’s death. At the time, I’d clung to Radleigh, so damn grateful to have him in my life, and wondering what I’d have done without him. But I could never have imagined the agonising ache that had gripped my heart when I tried to picture a life that didn’t have him in it.
The other thing that had become clear was how lucky I was to have my family. I thought about how Bree had been dealt a crappy hand as far as families went, and I knew I hadn’t always appreciated mine, especially when I was younger. After telling my mum what had happened, she offered to fly over. Of course, I told her she didn’t need to, but the fact that she’d been willing to leave her cosy life in Cornwall to help me out meant a lot. She’d never been to L.A before. Never been farther than Spain a couple of times. Honestly, I knew she’d hate Los Angeles. Tourist attractions aside, she’d find it noisy and impersonal, but it was nice to know she would have pushed herself outside of her comfort zone for me. We’d had more than our fair share of differences over the years, and we weren’t as close as I’d always wanted us to be, but I knew she’d do anything for me, and I for her. This only proved it.
With Radleigh’s arms around me, even though so many things were still wrong, those things didn’t matter. They were temporarily pushed aside while I focused on the only thing that did matter. Him.
Us.
Chapter Eleven – You Were A Virgin When We Met, Right?
Another morning. Another dash across town to see my daughter after yet another night at Mitch and Deanna’s before heading back to the hospital to see Radleigh so we could spend a few hours trying to figure out what would be best for Jayden.
Tired as I’d been, I’d had a hard time sleeping. The combination of missing having Radleigh beside me, guilt over leaving Jessica with Mitch and Deanna again, worrying over what we would do about Jayden and the general stress of an upcoming wedding put me on edge. We needed to get the Jayden situation sorted out immediately for everyone’s sake – but especially for Jayden.
It was a little after noon when I arrived at the hospital, and I was amused to find James in the waiting room with Jayden, pacing as if he really didn’t want to see Radleigh again. It must have been difficult for him, but he had to know the night before could have gone a lot worse. The Radleigh he knew before probably wouldn’t have even offered to have a discussion with him. He’d have just pulled out the “dad” card and sent him on his way.
James looked a lot less dishevelled than he had the night before. His hair was a little tidier, and he wore dark jeans and a sky blue shirt – unrumpled this time. Jayden sat on a chair next to the coffee machine, his little legs not quite reaching the floor, the toes of his red trainers a fraction from the ground.
“Hi,” I said, halting James’s steps, and Jayden looked up at me.
He gave me a guilty smile. “Busted.”
I chuckled. “How long have you been out here?”
“About five minutes. I’m going in, I just needed a second.”
“I understand.” I turned to Jayden and smiled softly. “Hey, Jayden. How are you doing, buddy?”
“I’m good.” His expression didn’t match his words. The happy little boy I’d first met had gone, and a serious, confused one had taken his place. I wanted to scoop him up in my arms and hug him, but I wasn’t sure I knew him well enough for that.
Turning my attention back to James, I said, “You want me to go in first?”
“I know I’m being I’m being a total wimp, but… yes please.”
“It’s fine.” I smiled. “I’ll come get you in a few.”
“Thanks.” As I walked towards the door, James said, “Leah?” I turned to him and waited for him to speak. “I know I don’t really know you, but you’ve been great the last couple of days. I thought maybe you’d… I don’t know. Radleigh tends to attract the kind of women who hang on his every word and never dare to challenge him. But you’re not like that. You’ve been fair to both of us while we’ve been trying to figure everything out. I just want you to know I’m grateful for that.”
“Well,” I began, “I don’t know you too well, either. But I understand how hard this must be for you. I want what’s best for everyone, and especially for Jayden. Radleigh learned long ago that I won’t always agree with him, and I’ll make my feelings known.”
“You’re good together. He’s always needed someone who isn’t a pushover. You guys look really happy, and as much as he and I have our differences, I’m happy for you both.”
Smiling again, I said, “Thank you.”
He nodded, and I turned again and went into Radleigh’s room. Radleigh was sitting up a little more than he had been the previous times I’d seen him, and he held a cup of coffee in his hands as he stared boredly at the door. As I entered, he smiled and the boredness faded away.
“Morning,” I said, taking my place on the bed beside him and dropping a soft kiss on his lips. “How are you feeling?”
“Like I want to get the hell out of here.” He rested his hand on my cheek. “But I’m okay.”
