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“You did have that, didn’t you? I mean, before Zoe passed away. I’m sure you loved her just as fiercely as your dad loved your mom.”
He makes a non-committal noise in his throat and takes a few seconds before answering me.
“I loved her, yeah. But I loved her in a young love kind of way. We were high school sweethearts and grew up together and as we grew, we adjusted our lives to fit each other. But fierce love? That all-consuming, can’t-sleep-without-them, fall-in-love-every-day love?” He pauses, causing me to look up at his face and there’s no denying what I’m seeing written all over him. “I’ve only ever felt that love with one woman and I’m looking right at her.” My breath hitches and just as I’m about to tell him that I love him too, someone clears their throat behind me and it’s then that I realize Ford has let me go and taken a step back, effectively putting some distance between us, and he’s looking over my shoulder like he’s seeing a ghost.
“Crawford. It’s good to see you.” Says the voice behind me and I turn around to find an older gentleman and woman standing there. The man steps forward to shake Ford's hand.
“Hey, yeah. Same to you,” Ford says, approaching the woman to give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. She’s staring at me peculiarly.
“Introduce us to your friend, Crawford.” She says, patting him on the shoulder. I glance at Ford who suddenly looks nervous. He runs his hand through his hair and shoots me a look. A look that says I’m not going to love what he has to say. He clears his throat.
“James and Nancy, this is my neighbor, Alexis. Lex, this is James and Nancy. Zoe’s dad and mom.” Click. The last piece of the puzzle slides into place. His in-laws. His deceased wife's parents. And it’s then that I realize he introduced me as his neighbor. Not his girlfriend. Not even his friend. His neighbor. I narrow my eyes at him, waiting to see if he’s going to change his answer. He glances between them and me, looking like he wants to throw up. A nervous laugh bubbles out of me. Not wanting to be rude, I reach out and shake both of their hands.
“Mr. and Mrs. Anderson, so nice to meet you. I’ve heard amazing things about your daughter, not only from Crawford but from the kids as well. I am truly sorry for your loss.” I can feel my eyes welling with tears, but I manage to keep my composure. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to check out and head home. I’m suddenly not feeling well.” I glance at Ford and give him his out, the one I think he wanted all along. He obviously wasn’t ready to love someone other than his wife and his children. And I was a fool to think he could love me fully and completely.
“Crawford, I assume you can find a ride home? I’ll leave your groceries on your porch.” And with that, I spin around to leave, wondering how I went from dancing with the man of my dreams to leaving the store heartbroken and disgusted. I refuse to be someone's dirty secret.
Ford
“Shit. I fucked that up.”
“Uh yeah ya did,” Nancy says, glaring at me. I didn’t realize I spoke out loud. “Crawford James I cannot believe you. You just made that poor girl feel like she wasn’t important. That she wasn’t special to you.” She goes on, shaking her head and going to stand next
to James. He wraps his arm around her waist and pulls her against him.
“You love that girl, Ford?” James asks me.
“Of course I do,” I answer immediately, feeling frustrated and defensive.
“Oh Ford, then why did you introduce her as your neighbor?” Nancy asks, looking at me like I’m an idiot.
“Fuck. I’m so stupid,” I gasp out, feeling like I’m going to throw up. “Excuse me.”
By the time I make it to the front of the store, she’s nowhere to be found. Shit.
???
I throw the truck into park, snag the keys from the ignition, and hop out. Crossing my yard to get to Lexis’, I pocket my keys as I bound up the few steps to her front door and rap my knuckles against the wood. Shuffling from foot to foot, I wait for her to answer. I know she’s still upset with me about that shit from yesterday but I’m here and ready to grovel at her feet. Alexis is it for me. Game over. I’m ass-over-feet in love with her and I’m ready to shout it from the rooftops.
I try the knob, but it’s locked. Weird. I knock again. “Lex, baby,” I plead as I drop my forehead against the door, “open up so we can talk. I know you’re upset, but I really need to see you right now. Everything I said came out all wrong yesterday.”
I hear a quiet thunk from the other side of the door and then Lex’s voice.
“Ford,” she rasps out, clearing her throat. “N-now isn’t really a good time. You need to l-leave.” She finishes the last part on a whisper, but the door is so thin I can still make out what she’s saying.
I stumble back a step, her words a metaphorical knife to my heart.
“Leave?” I question. She was fucking insane if she thought I was leaving without seeing she was okay for myself. I wanted to, no I needed to, see her face, touch her skin, feel her heartbeat against my hand. I just needed to hold her. For her to know how sorry I truly was. For her to know just how badly I wanted to be with her.
“Yes. You need to leave. Now.” She says, firmer this time, like she’s not breaking my heart with her request.
“Are you serious with this shit right now? Open the goddamn door Alexis or I’m kicking it in.” I scrub my hand down my face, realizing how bad that sounded. “Shit, I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that sweetheart. I just…. if you don’t want to see me right now, and I get that I really do, I just need to see your face. I need to know you’re okay.”
There’s a long pause and just when I think she really isn’t going to let me in, I hear the deadbolt flip on the other side of the door. I take a step back and the door creaks open, barely allowing enough space for me to see her face. Her porcelain cheeks are tear stained and her eyes are red and swollen.
“I meant what I said, Ford. You should go. I c-can’t do this with you anymore. I’m done.” She chokes the last part out on a sob, her delicate hand coming up to cover her mouth. I can feel the panic starting to rise in my chest, suffocating me, as I reach out to drag my knuckles down her soft skin. Her eyes flutter shut and I feel her lean into my hand. She realizes what she’s done and stumbles back a step, still not letting me in the house.
“What’s happening here, Lex? We were fine before yesterday. And I know I fucked up, Jesus I KNOW, okay? And I’m so fucking sorry. I’ve never been so sorry before in my entire life.” I could feel moisture beginning to gather behind my eyes and fuck I haven’t cried since Zoe died. “I didn’t mean what I said. I don’t ever want to forget what I had with Zoe, but I swear, I want to move on with you. I want to hear you laughing in my kitchen while you make cookies with our kids, because that’s what Zane and Aria are, they’re our kids now. They love you so much. I...we….we love you so much. I want to fall asleep tangled up in bed with you, I wanna wake up every morning beside you.” and fuck if the tears aren’t streaming down both of our faces right now but I just don’t give a fuck. I will gladly rip my bleeding heart out and give it to her. She’s had it all this time anyways.
