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“But what about his kid, Adriana? Do you know what it was like for me to find out from the town skank that his wife was pregnant?” The resentment lingers in my rising tone, my expression hardening at this trip down memory lane. “He promised me they stopped having sex, and then to find out his wife was pregnant… Adriana, you just don’t understand.”
“It wasn’t his baby, Charlie. They never had sex. Samantha lied about everything. When he found out, he went ballistic and took the next flight to Cuba to find you, thinking you left to live with your mom.”
“But I wasn’t there.”
Bringing my shaky hand toward my forehead, the revelation shocks me. So, it wasn’t his baby? I bow my head, questioning my decisions. Was I wrong? But no, I remember he still chose her first. He believed it was his baby, and he chose to honor his marriage over what we had.
I was second best. He had made sure of that.
“I know, but your mom told us you had moved elsewhere and were happy with someone else. She begged us to leave you alone, said you found a great guy and had moved in together. She said you were studying hard, and that if we found you, she thought your life would go backward.” Adriana stops to take a breath, desperate to unleash what she must have been holding in for all this time. “It was my fault as well. I told Lex you deserved the best, and that he needed to let you be.”
All of this is too much to process. My chest caves in, and holding onto the bar, I use it to keep my balance from my shaking legs collapsing beneath me. Beside me, there’s a tray of champagne. I down a glass in one go, ignoring the bubbles tickling my throat. It doesn’t erase the overwhelming feeling of this moment, and without hesitation, I take another repeating my actions.
“Adriana, I don’t know what to say. I went to Connecticut to live with my grandmother. After she died, I just wanted to move on and do her proud, so I went to Yale. There wasn’t another guy. How could there be after him?” I beg the question, but no answer will satisfy me or erase the past. “How could he doubt my love for him? Did he really think I’d move on straight away?”
“Your mom was very convincing. I’m sorry, you’re right, but you really need to talk to Lex.”
“It’s just too much. There’s more to this than—” I stop mid-sentence. Now isn’t the time to get into the painful semantics of it all. I pull a business card out of my purse and hand it to her. “Let’s catch up for lunch soon and talk about this, but for right now, I need time. It’s a lot to take in.”
She kisses me on the cheek, understanding I need my space.
Julian comes over, asking me if I want to dance some more. I gladly welcome the return to reality, reminding Adriana to call me.
As we dance away, Lex does the same a few feet away from me with his date. Every so often, his eyes wander my way, watching me watch him. He leans into the woman’s neck, kissing her gently, closing his eyes as he does so.
My stare is fixated on them as the fury builds inside me. Why is he touching her like that? He slowly opens his eyes, directing them at me again. I can’t bear to watch anymore, it’s all too painful. I need a moment of clarity, so I excuse myself to use the restroom, blaming the champagne I drank earlier.
I exit the ballroom, clutching the bottom of my dress to avoid falling over in my rush. Inside the long corridor, I scan the surroundings looking for the restroom sign. Breathe, only a few more feet. My mind is scattered with thoughts, my stomach crashing with waves of nausea.
What if he had come after me?
Would everything have worked out for us?
My heart is sinking deeper as the thought crosses my mind with too many ‘what if’s’ in a world full of painful memories.
My arm is yanked into a different direction, and without a moment to think, Lex has pulled me through the double doors to an empty conference room. He lets go of my arm, pacing the area between us in frustration. “Do you love him?”
He doesn’t deserve an answer. We are no longer together.
“I see the way you look at him. It is the way you used to look at me.”
“Used to Al… Lex. Y-You walked away, not me,” I stammer.
“I had no choice,” he yells, wild eyes boring into me. “I looked for you. I didn’t give up on us!”
“The moment you chose her, you gave up on us.”
My heart is pumping so hard, remembering the ache which longed for him since the day he left. Once, a heart so full and content had experienced the ultimate break, torn apart, shredded into a million pieces with no remnants left and beyond repair.
His eyes are on fire, burning so bright and torturing me with its violent flames. With a pained stare, I’m unable to turn away until he grabs my face, pressing his lips against mine.
The force is so strong, crippling any emotion but the one which makes me focus on how perfect his lips taste. His tongue entangles with mine, the familiarity clouding any rational thought which wants to push him away.
My hands move toward his chest as I let out a small moan, dragging my lips away to break free as guilt consumes me whole. As if he knows the anguish he’s putting me through, he locks me into an embrace, trapping me as he sucks hard on my lips.
The pain turns me on, traveling to forbidden places which only existed when we were together. From the moment he left, I wondered what it would be like to taste his lips again, and no matter how much I thought about it, the reality is far off.
I missed how he tasted.
