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How he would kiss me passionately, every time, like it was our first kiss.
My head is screaming for him to let me go, but I can’t stop. My body begins to tremble as he stiffens against my stomach. I can’t let it go any further, terrified by how much I want him and how easily my heart has forgotten the pain he caused.
With his palm flat against my chest, I’m scared he can feel how rapidly my heart is beating, but I remind myself that it no longer beats for him.
Julian.
I pull away, out of breath.
“Lex, we can’t. Please, you don’t understand… I can’t go down this path again—”
“I’m sorry I hurt you,” he begs, placing his hands on my neck to try and drag me in, but I step back. “I’d give everything I own to erase it. It’s something I’ll always regret, but I’m standing here now, Charlotte. Please just let me explain everything.”
“That’s the thing, Lex. You just don’t know—”
“What, Charlotte? Talk to me, please!”
I say the words I’ve been wanting to say since I ran into him—I have moved on.
It’s time to accept that.
Walking toward the exit, I touch my lips before grabbing the handle of the door. Closure, it’s time to live my life with a man who loves me.
Now, I have to walk back into the ballroom and face Julian and my friends, pretending nothing’s happened. I give myself a few minutes to calm down, taking deep breaths. A waiter scurries past, and I stop him, begging for a glass of champagne. Taking it kindly, I drink it in one go, discarding the empty glass on a table near the entrance.
“Gorgeous, there you are.” Julian finds me as soon as I walk in. “Listen, something has come up, and I need to cover a story in Chicago first thing in the morning. My flight leaves in an hour. I’m sorry… I have to leave.”
“What? But you can’t leave,” I plead, desperate to spend the night with him. “We had a whole night planned out. You, me… your bat cave.” I need him here, so no other mistakes are made tonight, and more importantly, to protect me from the big bad wolf.
“Charlie… I, um… are you okay?” he questions, placing his hands on my shoulders.
I force a smile and wrap my arms around his waist clearing my throat. “Sorry, I just… call me the second you’re back, okay?”
He pulls me in, kissing me deeply. As I kiss him back, I try to erase the guilt of the last twenty minutes. Trying not to show just how uncomfortable I am.
I can’t help thinking it just isn’t the same as Lex.
>
Don’t do this, Charlie. The comparison game is nothing but a sick mind-fuck, destined to screw you up even more.
We walk back to our table so Julian can say goodbye to everyone, and moments later, he hurries out of the building.
Eric sits beside me, hugging me tightly. “I know you’re upset he has to leave, but I know something that will cheer you up.”
I don’t tell Eric I’m not upset over Julian leaving. I’m still shell-shocked that I had actually kissed the ghost of my past, and how I let that happen—stupid move. I blame the champagne.
“Let’s go to After Dark tonight. Dirty drinks, dirty men, and even dirtier dancing. We need to let loose after this stiff shindig, Charlie.”
“Agreed. But only if we get to do shots,” I tease, knowing Eric doesn’t handle shots very well. Well, that’s an understatement—three shots of tequila sees him dancing on a bar half-naked, five shots sees him head-down, ass-up over the toilet crying to God.
“Aw… shit, Charlie, you know what happens when I do shots. I get so loose,” he whines.
“How is that any different from now?”
He laughs and does that snap-hand gesture he always does. Eric heads off to find Emma, leaving me to stand here by myself.
Why did I let it happen?
