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My breathing slows and my eyes grow heavy as I toe the line of unconsciousness. I’m just about to fall over the edge when I hear the familiar sound of a key sliding into the lock.
I groan to myself. I knew Spencer was coming over, but I’ve never regretted giving him a key so much. All I want is to sleep for the next week or so. Candice can handle the store and everyone else can get lost.
The door creaks open and I hear Spencer’s voice calling out. “Babe? Are you home?” he says moments before the door clicks shut behind him.
“Over here,” I grumble from the couch, not bothering to open my eyes.
Spencer walks across the room and stops before me, looking down at me as a breathy chuckle escapes him. “Shit. you’ve had better days, huh?”
I open one eye and glare up at him. “Really? You want to start this by reminding me how shitty I look?”
“Tully,” he scoffs. “You could be covered head to toe in crap and still look like a radiant fucking beauty queen.”
I groan as I sit myself up on the couch and drop my face into my hands. “You’re such a suck-up.”
Spencer lets out a heavy breath before dropping down onto the couch beside me. He doesn’t touch me and I don’t attempt to reach out to him.
We sit in heavy silence, both with way too much on our minds to know where to even begin. It’s not until Spencer leans forward and rests his elbows upon his knees that he finally says something. “I fucked up. I drank way too much and talked shit.”
I nod, unable to disagree with him. “You did.”
He lets out a sigh, staring at the carpet and refusing to look at me. “It’s just that I saw you breaking over Rivers and it reminded me that no matter what; I’m always going to be second place to him.”
My head whips around to Spencer in shock. “What are you talking about? Why would you say that?”
“Come on, Tully. You know it’s true. It’s always been him when it comes to you. How am I supposed to be with you knowing that just the sight of another man can tear you to shreds?”
I shake my head as tears begin to fill my eyes. “Don’t do this, Spencer. I need you more than you know.”
Regret shines brightly in his eyes as he reaches out and places his hand on my thigh. He gives it a gentle squeeze. “I don’t want to. I love you so goddamn much, but what does that say about me? Am I a fool because I’m holding onto someone who can never fully commit to me because she can’t get over her ex? I’ve loved you with everything I have. I’ve given you everything you could possibly need, but it’s never enough for you. I can’t keep being shut down by you. You’re slowly killing me, Tully.”
I fly into him, climbing up onto his lap and looking into the eyes of the man that has been my rock for the past four years. “Spencer, no. Please don’t. I don’t want him. I want to be with you. I know that you’ve given me the world. This is just one setback. We’ll get through it. I promise you, we will.”
His arms curl around me and he pulls me into his chest, holding me just the way he knows that I need. “I don’t know what to do,” he murmurs. “Rivers sent your whole world spiraling last night and seeing you unable to even function tore me apart. It should be me who has the ability to affect you like that, not him.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, burying my face into his neck and breathing him in as my tears soak into his shirt. “I was just in shock and all the hurt that he caused me since I was eleven years old came back to haunt me, and I just…I couldn’t breathe. It was too much, but I swear, Spence, it’s over. I’m through with him. I don’t want anything to do with Rivers. I want you. I want to make this work.”
Spencer pulls me back to look into my eyes and the hurt on his face is nearly enough to tear me to shreds. I hate that I’ve put it there, but I need him to fight for this. I can’t have my heart broken again, I just can’t. I won’t survive it.
“Please,” I whisper when the silence grows too loud.
He looks absolutely shattered and I see him breaking as dread fills me. His head finally falls and he rests it against mine as he holds me a little tighter. “Ok,” he murmurs making my heart finally stop racing. “But I need you to do one thing for me.”
