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Glancing up at the clock, I realize that Spencer should be home from work. He spent four years of college dominating the football team, but when it came to signing a contract afterward, the luck just wasn’t there. That was a major downfall for him, but nobody can deny that what he’d achieved in his short football career was incredible. Not many others could say that they’ve done what he’s done.
That was only five months ago and I’d dare say the pain from that is still living strong within him.
And now this…
Great! Another reason that points out how much of a bitch I am. I should get the words ‘Pathetic bitch’ tattooed across my forehead so people know to keep away.
I scoop the ring up off the counter and close the lid. If I don’t do this now, then I may never do it. Spencer is the kind of guy who likes to worry. If something was said or done, he likes it resolved so I don’t doubt that over the past two weeks he’s been concerned about me. He always has been, even during that year before we actually got together.
Things really suck on my end, but I need to show him that I’m doing ok and that I don’t hold it against him, otherwise he’s never going to let it go. He’s constantly going to worry about me, despite the fact that he shouldn’t. I don’t deserve his concern.
I drop the ring into my handbag and double check my reflection in the mirror. There have been way too many times that I’ve caught my reflection over the last two weeks only to find mascara smudged all over my face. If I’m going to show Spencer that I’m doing ok and tell him that he made the right decision, then I need to act the part.
He doesn’t need to know that I’ve been a mess. No one does, though there is one person who will know even if I don’t say a word. He just…he always knows.
After getting myself cleaned up and out the door, I pull up in front of Spencer’s home and look up at it. Spencer and I shared a lot of memories here, even though he bought the place when he probably shouldn’t have.
He bought it with the inheritance that he’d received from his grandmother who had passed when he was twenty-one, right before he proposed for the second time. He had this big vision of us living here and starting a family together which was his big dream. But he dropped this news on me only six months after I purchased my dream apartment and at that time, I felt as though he wasn’t listening to anything that I wanted. Actually, I don’t think he ever did.
It was always about the big dream of getting married and having a family, but not once did I say that’s what I wanted. In fact, I went out of my way to make sure he understood that, but the proposals kept coming with the assumption that I just wasn’t ready.
He needs to find a girl who’s willing to fall at his feet and give him the world he wants.
Don’t get me wrong, marriage and babies have always been the dream for me, but I just couldn’t see it happening with him. I don’t know. Maybe there’s someone out there somewhere who’s going to fall at my feet and make my heart explode with love…or maybe I should start buying cats.
I grab my handbag and get out of my car before taking my sweet time walking to the door. Do I knock or just walk straight in like I used to?
Shit. Why do I feel so nervous?
I let out a shaky breath and pull on my big girl panties. It’s just Spencer.
I knock on the door and stand there awkwardly, just now realizing that I have no idea what I’m going to say to him. I start to search every deep corner of my brain for the right thing, but nothing comes up and before I know it, it’s too late.
The door swings open and Spencer stands before me with a welcoming smile that quickly drops into a frown marred with concern. “Um…hi,” I say like a dork, giving him a stupid as fuck little wave.
He stands there gaping at me for a moment and it’s clear he doesn’t know what to say either when a softness creeps into his features and he reaches out for me. “Come here,” he murmurs, pulling me into his arms and crushing me into his chest.
My arms instinctively fly up around him and I find comfort in his familiarity. “I’m sorry,” I tell him as I try to hold back tears. “I just…”
“It’s ok. You don’t need to say anything.”
We stand in each other’s arms for a short moment as we each find ourselves and it’s not long before I hear the sound of the door closing behind me and find myself in the middle of the small living room.
