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It would be another raid, another reason to go off and fight. There was always another raid, another war, another knife in the dark. Gunnar frowned. "Go to bed, Deirdre. We'll talk about this later."
He closed the door behind him, leaving her to fume. She was thinking that he had dismissed the question entirely. That he was treating her as if she had no right. How wrong she was.
The men had already pulled up anchor, and now they lowered the sail. Ulf was behind the rudder, waiting for the speed to pick up. If anyone could navigate them back quickly, Gunnar thought, it would be him. They were lucky in that, at least.
As the men tied off the main sail, and speed picked up, Gunnar settled onto the floor, his back pressed against Deirdre's door. If things didn't go well, then what could they hope for? A life of fighting the English, seeing her on the off-season just long enough for Torstein to find another Jarl to fight back in Denmark?
No, that wasn't the life he wanted. Not any more. It wasn't what he envisioned when he closed my eyes. He didn't want that for himself, and he didn't want it for her.
The decision danced at the edge of his mind. He knew already what the right answer was, he knew. But it was too late. They were already on the way. Had been for an hour or more. Deirdre had stopped moving around the cabin, probably fallen into a restless sleep at some point.
No, they weren't too far out. They could get back, he realized. It wouldn't be too hard at all. He'd given them just the tools they needed. He stood up and turned, tried the door. He hadn't expected it to be locked.
If he pounded, then he would draw too much attention. They needed to stay quiet. Everyone was tired, and they would let it happen if he were quiet. But if he were to make noise, then he would need to explain himself. He'd need to justify leaving them to go back. He couldn't do that, not right now. Right now he just knew what he wanted, and that was all he could justify.
In the morning they could make their own justifications. They could find whatever explanation they wanted, as long as he was gone. He tried the door again. Knocked on the door as hard as he dared, and hoped that Deirdre would hear.
"What do you want?" The response was immediate. So she hadn't slept after all.
"Open the door, Deirdre."
"I'm staying in my room until we arrive."
"We're not going to arrive."
That got her to move, he thought. It made him smile. He heard the lock coming undone, but still she didn't open the door. He turned the handle and slipped inside.
The room was lit with an oil-lamp that halfway-illuminated it. Anyone who wanted to could see them through the port-holes, but with luck they wouldn't have much trouble with that. Still, someone walking by drew his attention. Just a movement outside, nobody watching.
"We're going to stay. That's what you wanted, right?"
She pursed her lips together. As if that weren't the answer she wanted.
"You're right. If I go back, I can't promise that it'll be any different than you think. If we stay… maybe things will be different. We'll take the rowboat. It's only a little way off the coast now. A couple hours rowing. We could be back on land by breakfast."
She didn't look pleased, but she nodded. "Then let's get going."
"Go grab the row rope, bring the boat in close. If Ulf asks what you're doing, tell him I told you to."
Deirdre nodded. He had to lower the rope ladder, to help her down to it. The noise of the wooden rungs slapping the side of the boat seemed magnified by the nighttime stillness. But as he stood back up, preparing to meet Deirdre, he heard her voice call out.
"It's gone!"
She shouldn't have yelled, but if there was any reason to then that was a good one. He ran to the aft railing. It wasn't attached. He scanned the horizon. It couldn't have slipped the knot. He repeated it to himself. Couldn't have. He had tied it properly. Then he saw it. No more than four hundred yards. Someone was at the oars, but it was too dark to make out their face.
They needed that boat. The waves were high, and the swim might not be all that safe. He looked from the boat to Deirdre's face, and then back at the boat.
He was over the rail and into the water before she could stop him.
Thirty-Nine
The splash below sent a deep shock through her. Sitting in a boat wasn't so bad. She could just be careful. She could try not to rock it too much. A boat this big, it just rocked gently. She could just stay a step or two back from the edge. But the idea of swimming? Out there?
She swallowed hard. Ulf was already there, his arm starting to hold her back as he called something out behind her. He looked behind, and she could see no one was coming fast enough. He looked at her, then moved over to the rudder controls. She wasn't going to have another chance to go. She sucked in a deep breath and fought down the urge to scream
as she jumped.
The fall seemed to take forever, and she was thankful for that. Because the minute that they hit water, she was going to have to swim, and that wasn't going to happen. She was lucky if she managed not to sink like a stone straight to the bottom of the sea. They'd never find any part of her.
