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“I hope you believe me when I say that hearing you’re pregnant with my child—with our child—is the best news I’ve ever been given.”
Warmth filled her at his solemn, heartfelt words. “I really want this baby too.”
For a moment, she thought he’d kiss her. And in that singular moment, she desperately wanted him to. Until she remembered that his kisses always led to his disappearance—and to her playing the brokenhearted fool yet again.
Though it turned out they were both thrilled about the baby—thank God for that, given that it was a done deal—it only made things between them more complicated. It wasn’t just about easy one-night stands anymore. It wasn’t about simply having fun and ignoring the future. Neither of them could just up and disappear now. And she certainly wasn’t about to let herself fall in love with him again. Not only would it make him uncomfortable, but she wasn’t even the slightest bit interested in a lifetime of hiding secret, unrequited feelings for him while co-parenting their child. The truth was she could never trust him again with her heart.
“Lyssa, I know I’ve given you so many mixed signals. But you’re pregnant, and I really think we should—”
She put her fingertip to his lips, a touch so instantly electric that she yanked her hand back as though he’d burned her. “Please, don’t say anything else.”
Now that she’d finally told him, she felt drained in the aftermath of her worries about his reaction, topped by her shock at how he’d actually responded. And though she didn’t know exactly what he’d been about to say, she was in no way up to hearing it now.
“I think that’s enough big news and decisions for one day. I, for one, am totally spent. So why don’t we take tonight off to enjoy Clyde’s hospitality and grounds and then reconvene on the subject tomorrow when we’re both feeling fresh? We can start figuring everything out then.”
He lifted her hands to his lips and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. In a very soft voice full of wonder, he whispered, “Thank you for giving me the chance to be a father.”
Chapter Fifteen
After spending the night at Clyde Westerbourne’s estate, Cal and Lyssa left early the next morning to fly back to the Bay Area.
As they settled into the soft leather seats on his plane, Cal could hardly believe he was going to be a father. He wanted to hand out cigars to the pilots, old-school style. Boy or girl? Was it too early to tell? He’d have to read everything ever written about pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting. The more he knew, surely, the better everything would go.
At the same time, he felt deeply unsettled about the state of affairs between Lyssa and himself. They’d slept in separate rooms, but not because Cal didn’t still desperately want her. If anything, he wanted her even more now.
But Lyssa was clearly still reeling from learning she was pregnant and then steeling herself to break the news to him. He wasn’t sure she even wanted to be with him, now or ever. And why would she, when he’d acted like such a tool after the two times they’d been together?
Yesterday in the garden, overcome with joy about the baby, he’d been so close to giving in to the instinctive urge to kiss her. But she’d pulled away before he could, and he’d seen something new—and horribly heart-wrenching—in her eyes.
A wall.
A tall, thick wall she’d built to keep him out.
She’d always been so open, throwing herself into his arms without giving a thought to protecting her heart. Even after London, even after he’d done everything he could to outrun his desire for her, she’d still been so trusting.
But when he’d hopped on that helicopter from Catalina Island and flown away?
She’d obviously learned she couldn’t trust him not to hurt her. And she’d raised her walls instinctively.
Even as he’d boarded that helicopter, hadn’t he known he was making the biggest mistake of his life? No matter how many times he tried to tell himself it was just sex, his gut knew it wasn’t. That it never had been.
No matter how fast or far he ran or flew, she remained in his every thought. He’d been going through the motions, barely able to pay attention in meetings or sleep at night without visions of Lyssa dancing in his head. She’d penetrated deep into his heart where no one had ever managed to reach him. She’d smiled and laughed and charmed her way in before he’d even realized what was happening.
But had he—stupidly—burned all of the bridges that led to Lyssa’s heart?
Had his chance for a real family, for real happiness with Lyssa, been right there in his grasp? Only to slip away because he hadn’t understood just how precious it really was?
