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At long last, he knew what he wanted—to be partners in a real family full of unconditional love and passion, not just co-parents who shared a child. Marriage might seem old-fashioned, but it was what he craved. With Lyssa and their child.
Lyssa hadn’t let him say it, putting her finger to his lips to stop the words on the brink of spilling out of him.
She’d claimed to be too tired to discuss any details or options about the future. But was that really why she’d shut him down?
Could she guess there was still a part of him that couldn’t quite see himself in a “happy family” picture, no matter how hard he tried? A part of him that didn’t know if he could ever be good enough for her? A part of him that feared he’d eventually let her down the way his father had let them all down so badly in the end?
Cal had never doubted himself when it came to business. But when it came to forever love? He’d never believed real, lasting love was something he could have. Not when he’d seen firsthand just how destructive it could be.
All his life, Cal had run from emotion, finding it so much easier, so much safer, to throw himself into studying, then into work. But now that he and Lyssa were going to have a baby together, he couldn’t run anymore. Hell, he didn’t want to run from her, not ever again.
But how could he clean up the long-buried scars and emotions from his past when everyone he needed to confront was gone?
And did any of that even matter if Lyssa no longer trusted him enough to let him back in?
She shifted and made a sound that jerked his attention from his ruminations. Thinking she looked a little pale, he asked, “Are you feeling all right?”
She nodded, but even though she was one of the most honest people he’d ever met, he didn’t believe her. “Do you have morning sickness?”
She shook her head. “Fortunately, I haven’t had any morning sickness at all.”
“Then is something else wrong?”
He held his breath as he waited for her answer, knowing he was likely the problem that had drained the color from her face.
“I meant it when I said I’m happy about the baby,” she began. “I don’t know any better way to describe it than to say that it’s like having this little light inside me.”
“I love that,” he said, swearing he could actually see her light, centered right around her heart. And in his heart, as well.
“I love it too,” she continued. “But at the same time, getting pregnant means my whole life has changed, just like that.” She snapped her fingers. “Take my work at the foundation, for example—”
He interrupted before she could say anything more. “How is getting pregnant or having a baby going to impact your work at the foundation? You’ll take maternity leave, sure, but I hope you aren’t thinking about leaving. Neither Gideon, nor I, want you to go anywhere. And I can guarantee Dane and Mr. Westerbourne wouldn’t want that either.”
“I appreciate your saying that, Cal, but can’t you see this changes everything between us? Look at how weird things got—” He heard what she wasn’t saying: Look how weird you got. “—after we had sex. If it was awkward working together after that, I can’t even begin to imagine how strange it will be when I’m in the next office growing bigger every day.”
It won’t be weird if we get married. If we wake up together, spend all day together building something great at the foundation, then fall asleep wrapped in each other’s arms. If we build a family together, full of laughter and joy, it won’t be weird, it will be perfect.
The words were on the tip of his tongue. But it was far too soon. Blurting out a marriage proposal in the skies over Texas wouldn’t do a damn thing to convince her to give him another chance.
Whatever Cal wanted, he always got, even if it meant tackling difficult, complex problems and putting in exhausting hours of work to get to his desired outcome. Only, Lyssa wasn’t a project at work. She wasn’t a building to construct. She wasn’t a profit to be made. She was a flesh-and-blood woman. And she deserved more from him than he’d ever given anyone or anything.
Somehow, some way, he needed to prove he was worthy of her. Worthy of her trust. Worthy of being with her forever. And if he could do that, then surely the scars from his past wouldn’t matter anymore.
Realizing she was waiting for his response, he said emphatically, “We won’t let it be weird. I know I said it yesterday, but I’ll say it a thousand times until you believe me—I’m sorry I acted the way I did after we were together on the plane and then again on the island. I knew better than to run.” He tapped his temple to show what an idiot he’d been. “Especially when none of it did a damn thing to get you out of my mind.”
