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And besides, he said, he didn’t even know where the Coopers lived. It probably would be too hard to find, so there was no point in looking. Maybe we could find it on Google?
Turns out his address is unlisted. Darn.
So we bought a Transformers backpack instead. The Kid told me I was going to get made fun of. I told him I was going to be the coolest guy in college. He said that apparently the definition of “cool” had changed in the years since I’d last been in school. I told him that rhymed. Otter told us both to knock it off because he was getting a headache. The Kid said, “That’s what she said,” which of course led us on the tangent to verify if he knew what that meant. It turns out he did not, and we were forced to explain what it meant. He had laughed his little head off when he understood and that put the fear of God in me, wondering if we should have kept our mouths shut.
Way too many scenarios ran through my head of what I had just armed the Kid with. For example (as read from an inevitable court transcript): Judge Waldorf: “And you have all the petition paperwork in line?”
Attorney Erica Sharp: “Yes, Judge. Everything should be there as you requested.”
Judge Waldorf: “It appears it is. Well, let’s not make this harder than it already is.”
Tyson McKenna: “That’s what she said, Judge.”
Judge Waldorf: “What? Custody denied! Send Derrick McKenna to the gas chamber!”
Derrick McKenna: “No! I don’t want to die! I have so much to live for!”
Tyson McKenna: “He wouldn’t even get me an Anderson Cooper backpack!”
Judge Waldorf: “The travesty! And what were his reasons?”
Derrick McKenna: “They don’t exist! I can’t buy things that don’t exist!”
Tyson McKenna: “It wouldn’t have been that hard to make one! Now I have to do it by myself with my own two hands!”
Judge Waldorf: “That’s what she said.”
Attorney Erica Sharp: “Zing!”
Don’t give me that look. You know it could happen. I’m sure people have been sentenced to die for less.
But now I am walking out toward Anna, realizing I am twenty-one years old and wearing a Transformers backpack on my first day of community college. I don’t think it’s that cool anymore, especially when Anna chuckles at me as I sit down next to her.
“Hey,” she says.
“Hey, yourself,” I say back.
“So. Really?” she asks. “Do you take this with you when you go on sleepovers too?”
“Har, har. Don’t be jealous.”
“I don’t think jealous is the right word for what I’m feeling right now.”
“Bloated?”
She slaps me across the arm as she scowls. “Just because you like boys now doesn’t give you the right to be mean to girls.”
“According to you, I’ve always liked boys. This isn’t something new.”
Wow. That’s out before I can stop it.
Who knew you would make things awkward with your ex-girlfriend? it whispers. I’m soooooo surprised! But just think! This could be the first step toward your new relationship with her in which you’ll be BFFs, and you can call her when you want a girls’ night out! You’ll sit around drinking wine coolers and talking about the men in your lives. O…
M… G!
Her eyes widen subtly, and the barest smile forms on her face, and it almost reaches her eyes. She did not expect my boldness, no matter how accidental it was. This would not have happened a month ago. I was so wrapped up in my own deceit that busting down that closet door would have been impossible. I remember that sunny afternoon, lying in Otter’s bed before the shit hit the fan, telling him I wanted to tell his brother about us, about me. Anna would have followed that, I’m sure. And knowing now what I know about the two of them, it would not have been a secret for much longer. But there is a difference between pushing and pulling, and even when everything was out in the open, I was still petrified about what they would think. It’s gotten better, but there’s still a ways to go.
“Not boys,” she says quietly. “Otter. There’s a difference. You probably have never even looked at another man.”
