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Drake’s fingers intertwined with my own, and he pulled me closer. My body reveled in his touch, yet my heart put the brakes on before getting too worked up over it.
We said nothing as we skated around and around. Although, I longed to tell him how much I loved seeing him with Jameson tonight. How much I appreciated him jumping into the dad role. But I couldn’t say any of those things for fear he would think I was trying to trap him in our mundane life. That all I had visions of were wedding bells and the pitter-patter of little feet. So, the silence lingered with each lap around the rink. It felt like such a metaphor for our relationship. We were going through the motions, around and around, but never really getting anywhere.
Each go-round, Drake’s grip tightened as his thumb brushed across my hand. It was as if he knew we were grasping for something that wouldn’t last.
The grasping and silence lingered through the night until we got home. Though we both tried to make Jameson’s bedtime routine as normal and as lighthearted as usual. Fiona added to the fun, as she loved to run alongside Jameson when he slid in his socks. I was grateful we had applied a scratch-resistant coating to the hardwood floors. It was the cutest thing to see Jameson slide, then fall down on purpose so Fiona would jump on him and lick his face. Okay, so the face licking wasn’t all that cute, but Jameson’s giggle was.
Drake and I stood back, watching our son and his dog. Words still escaping us.
I needed Izzy, but she’d been opting out of the bedtime routine, letting Drake do the dad thing. And she wanted to maim Drake, so there was that.
“Hey, buddy.” Drake found some words to say. “Would you go get your pajamas on so I can talk to your mom for a minute?”
Jameson hopped up. “Okay, but don’t forget, I can stay up later because it’s Friday and you said we could watch a movie together.”
“I didn’t forget.” Drake smiled. A smile that was all Jameson’s. I’d never seen such a smile on his face. It said that he was amazed by this creature who bore his genes. It made me wonder if I had a mom smile. A smile that said, You’re all mine, and I love you so much I want to burst.
Meanwhile, I was nervous about what Drake wanted to say to me. He’d held my hand all the way home while he drove, gripping ever tighter, but never saying anything. Yet, I knew it held meaning.
Jameson and Fiona scurried away while Drake and I watched them go.
“He’s full of life, isn’t he?” Drake commented.
“That he is.”
Once they were gone, Drake set his sights on me. He reached for my hand and gathered it between his own. His expression teetered between pensive and adoring. His gentle touch had my heart tingling—the numbness was wearing off. I wasn’t sure I was ready to feel my feelings. I stilled where I stood, knowing if he drew me toward him the dam of feelings might break.
Drake wasn’t having my reluctance and stepped closer, pressing our clasped hands against his ridiculously hard chest. “Charlotte, I know I’ve hurt you, and I’m sorry for that. I wish I could give you exactly what you want right now, but I can’t.”
My traitorous eyes welled with tears. It’s not like I didn’t know how he felt, but there was something about hearing him say it again. It made it all so real. “Thank you for your honesty.” My lower lip trembled, trying to hold it together. “I should go make sure Jameson brushes his teeth.” I pulled my hand out of his grip.
“Charlotte, please hear me out. You’re acting like this is the end of our relationship. That’s the last thing I want.”
“But we want different things.” I wiped the corner of my eye before a tear escaped.
“We want each other—why can’t that be enough for now? You can’t give me time?”
“I didn’t say that. But I’ve already waited a long time for you. How much longer do I need to wait?” I begged to know.
“I’m here now.” He paused. “Actually, I need to talk to you about my schedule.”
That was quite the segue. I wrapped my arms around myself and waited for him to hit me with what I assumed wasn’t going to be the best of news.
“The timing couldn’t be worse, but I need to head back to LA tomorrow.”
“Oh.” I wrapped my arms around myself tighter. Jameson was going to be devastated. Add me to that list, too.
“I’m sure you think I’m running again, but that’s not the case. With the news of Jameson, my PR team is going crazy fielding calls and requests for interviews. They think it’s best if I come home and do a few talk shows. I think it’s best for all of us. As soon as I give the bloodsuckers what they want, you’ll be able to walk Fiona in peace.” He gave me a crooked smile.
