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He pulled her to him, crushed her against him, taking a sharp breath. “Me, too. Rachel, that was the moment for me, too. When you were standing there looking at me, so awkward and obviously attracted.”
“Hey.”
“It’s true. You were. But it’s okay, because that was the moment. When I knew that I needed you. I didn’t know then that I needed you forever. I thought an hour. A night. I didn’t know how much it would change me. But it did. And then you kept changing me these last few months. Even when you weren’t there. Even when all that was left of you was how much I missed you.”
“Why did it take you so long?” she asked. “Why did it take this long for you to know you loved me?”
“It was the one thing I’d never had before. I loved my mother, Rachel, but I didn’t know what it was like to have her love me back. Not really. I didn’t understand love as a living thing. As something that could give. She took. I gave. And in the end I was left devastated because...she ended herself rather than be with me, Rachel.”
“Alex...it wasn’t you. She had so many problems, honey, but they weren’t you.”
“I know,” he said. “I do now.”
“I’m glad. I’m so glad.”
“Ajax helped me with that. He...he made me see. I hated him for what he had, without trying to find out why he’d been able to get it. Love. And when he told me that...it all made sense. Love is different than I thought. The love I feel for you has demanded that I change, that I give, that I sacrifice. And it makes me burn. Makes me want. Makes me hurt. Makes me so happy I... It’s happiness like I never thought I could have. I had no idea what to call it, no idea what to do with it. It’s love. And it’s the most terrifying, wonderful thing I’ve ever felt before. And if you feel the same for me, if you want to do this—for the rest of our lives, knowing who I am, where I’ve been—then I can only be grateful. I can only try and become the man I think you deserve.”
“Just be the man you are, Alex. That’s the beginning and end of all I want from you. Because it’s the freedom you gave to me. And it might seem like a small thing but...Alex, don’t you see that you set me free? I feel like I was trapped in someone else’s body, desperately trying to live up to an ideal I didn’t even want to be and afraid I was failing miserably at it. You are... You are amazing. What you’ve given me is amazing. There is no better man to me than the man who simply wants me. As I am.”
“I am that man,” he said, kissing her cheek. “That I promise you. I want all that you are. All that you will be. We’ll both keep changing, but we’ll change together. Whatever life has in store for us, I think we can meet the challenge head on, as long as we’re together.”
“I think so, too.”
“So, when are we getting married?”
“Not for at least six months,” she said.
“What?”
“I need time to plan it. I love you and this is for life. And you love me. This is a real wedding. Also, I don’t dig the pregnant bride look, I’ve decided.”
“You’re going to make me wait, Rachel?”
She smiled, her heart swelling. “For some things, Alex. Not for others.”
* * *
A long time later they lay in her bed, limbs tangled, breathing hard. She was tracing his biceps with her fingertips, a smile on his lips. Yes, she loved this man, more than anything. Their start had been rocky at best, but they had forever ahead of them.
“You know, if we can make it through all of this, I think we can make it through anything,” she said.
“I agree.”
“Just as long as we’re honest, from now on.”
“In the interest of honesty then,” he said, “may I say, I think your breasts have gotten larger. I like it.”
“Wow. Romantic.”
“Maybe not. But honest.”
“Appreciated.”
Suddenly, she flashed back to that evening they’d eaten pizza in a fancy hotel in Cannes. When he’d talked about happy endings. “You got your happy ending,” she whispered.
He kissed her on the cheek and she could have sworn he left a teardrop behind. “It’s not over yet.”
“No,” she said, snuggling closer. “It’s not. And thank God for that.”
“Yes. I get a whole lifetime with you. With ups and downs, with every emotion. But it will be with you.”
She kissed his forearm and held his arms more tightly to her. “That’s much better than any old happy ending.”
He sighed, and she could hear the smile in his voice. “I agree, agape. I agree.”
