AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I’m sorry. I can’t.”
“You need me, too.”
He didn’t argue.
Sean sat back and sighed. “I won’t leave you, Max. I promise.”
Pain streaked through Max’s chest. Yes, you will. You just don’t know it yet. And Max refused to dig his own goddamn grave. “I know you mean that, and part of me wishes I could hold you to it. But to humor you in this, Sean? That’d be wasting your time. You need to find someone who can give you what you need.”
Sean wilted and looked away. Hugged his knees up to his chest. “Okay... I understand... Kinda wish I still didn’t, but I do.” He closed his eyes, brows pinching, and slowly shook his head. “I don’t want to be your mistake, Max. Please don’t think of me as a mistake.”
“Never.” Max all but fucking choked on that lump.
“Okay,” Sean mumbled, nodding. “Okay.”
* *
Sean pulled up to Max’s house and put his Beetle in park, but didn’t bother turning off the engine. This drop off would be quick.
Quick and really painful.
Because the talk he’d hoped would finally bring him and Max together pretty much solidified the opposite. In a bittersweet kind of way, he supposed. No anger or hurt feelings. Everything out in the open. Max had apologized and finally leveled with him. Something that Sean could tell had been hard as shit. The apologizing, yeah—Max probably never did that shit—but especially the spilling of his guts. God, it’d been palpable, how much it pained him to say the words. Agonizing, even, which was understandable. To lose the love of one’s life? Sean couldn’t even imagine. And didn’t want to.
What Max went through had been horrible. Sean didn’t blame him for wanting to bury it. Actually felt bad for making him dredge it up. Which was why Sean didn’t push for more details about the incident. How Kevin died. If Max had been there. How he’d dealt with the grief. Not that Sean didn’t want to ask. He’d wanted to bigtime. More details would’ve definitely helped fill in the gaps. But ultimately, they weren’t really necessary to understand. Would’ve caused way more pain than it was worth.
Because Sean did understand now why Max struggled with relationships. With connection. Emotional bonds of any sort. And that he did so on a magnitude that Sean had no idea how to navigate. How to handle without causing more harm than good.
In truth, it was probably an impossible feat. Meaning the ball was in Max’s court. If things were to ever transpire between them, Max would have to willingly decide to give Sean a chance.
Something that didn’t feel very likely to happen.
Sean sighed and stared out his windshield, not wanting to say goodbye. God only knew if he’d ever see Max again. They didn’t talk on the way back about any plans to reconnect. Hell, they didn’t talk on the way back at all. Sean had sensed that Max needed it. Needed the quiet. And was honestly hoping that in his musings, Max would change his mind.
No such luck, though. Not that Sean was really surprised.
His heart thumped dejectedly as “Cocoon” played on the radio, Jack Johnson’s soft croons only adding to his sadness. God, his chest hurt so fucking bad. If only things could just be like they were before, when Sean was in it for the joy ride and nothing else. Who knew, though. Maybe it could be. Mind over matter, right? And then he wouldn’t lose Max after all. Not entirely. Fuck it. At this point, what’d he have to lose?
Sean looked at Max and smiled. “So… Can I still be your sub?”
Max blinked from his reverie. Frowned at Sean. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah. We could go back to how we were before. In the beginning. No expectations. Just fun.”
Max eyed him incredulously, but there was something else in his gaze. Wistfulness, maybe, that Sean’s suggestion was somehow possible? Moments ticked by.
Finally, he shook his head. “I dunno, Sean. That doesn’t seem like a very good idea.”
“Would you think about it at least?”
Max looked away. “Maybe.”
Which probably meant no.
“Okay.” Sean nodded.
“But just so you know, I’ve got a lot on my plate so it might be a while. End of the year stuff, and that art show.”
“That’s fine. I understand. I’ve got finals coming up, too. Will be off the grid studying a ton anyway.”
Max nodded once. “Good. I’ll touch base when shit calms down.”
His tone sounded off. Sean eyed him skeptically. Would Max really get back to him, or was he just fucking saying that?
Max looked at him. Their eyes locked. And for a while, that’s how they stayed. Like they used to in the beginning. Before things got complicated. God, Sean missed that. Did Max miss that, too?
Max frowned and touched Sean’s cheek. “Take care of yourself, cat.”
Sean forced a little smile. “Yeah… You, too.”
