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“It’s my address too and you promised not to abuse it.”
“Yes, I know,” he sighed. He hadn’t known they lived together until that morning when Chantara talked about Callie not coming out of her room. He quickly put the pieces together. “I wasn’t trying to abuse it. If you don’t hear anything else, I need you to believe that I really wanted to help her. I still do. I- I am just at a loss here. I was not unkind yesterday, whatever you think. I read all these articles about grief and moving on in the past few days and I was just- just trying to- to help.” He knew it was lame. How many times he said help, but he didn’t know how else to put it.
“So even if she didn’t want to see you again and she doesn’t want anything more to do with you, you were just trying to be there for her?”
“I told you that before too.”
“I didn’t exactly believe you, but I’ve seen the way she looks at you and I’ve heard what she isn’t saying when she talks about you. Callie likes you. And she doesn’t just like anyone. She hasn’t been interested in a single person since Ben. She’s been closed off and shut down when it comes to guys or dating or any of that. I was really surprised when she started talking about you, even after the Christmas party. I was shocked when she said that she-”
“Yes…” Matt cut her off, afraid that the walls of his office really weren’t thick enough for her to mention that. “I know. I- I really don’t know what to do. I wasn’t trying to hurt her. Then or now. I know you don’t believe that. She probably doesn’t believe it. I was- I wasn’t trying to use her. I wasn’t trying to make her into a conquest. I knew it was wrong because we worked together. I should have figured out a different way, but she was… I don’t even know.” He gave his head a shake. “She’s- well, she’s just- she’s not like anyone I ever met.”
Chantara’s eyes narrowed further. Her lips parted in surprise. “Oh my god,” she breathed. “You’re really into her, aren’t you? And you have no idea what to do with that?”
“I-”
“No, don’t answer that. Callie is- well, she can be difficult. She’s my best friend, but she hasn’t had an easy past couple of years and that whole thing with the miscarriage and her family, she was young. Really young to have to go through that. I think it’s harder for her to let go of it and truly just be happy because she learned at such a young age how not to be. She’s carried all that guilt with her for her entire teenage and adult years.”
“I told her yesterday, that it was okay for her to give herself permission to be happy. I said that moving on doesn’t mean that she had to forget, but she deserves something more. And I told her that not everyone was like Ben. Because there are good people out there. Even if it’s not me, she deserves to be happy.” It would kill him if she was happy with someone else, but he wanted to see her smile. Those smiles of hers were too rare, too few and far between, but when they happened, they were dazzling.
“That’s what you said yesterday?”
“Yes. I only spoke with her for a few minutes. Seriously. I just wanted to-”
“I know. To help.”
To his surprise, he felt his face heat up. “Yes,” he said lamely. “I didn’t realize I was going to upset her so much. She was very defensive. She clearly didn’t think I was there to help at all.”
“Or maybe she thought you were a fine one to preach at her.”
“I wasn’t preaching- but- but maybe you’re right. I could see now how she would think that. I didn’t even think once that I was going there to try and be better than her or tell her that I had all the answers. I don’t think I gave off that vibe.”
“Yeah, well, you might not have, but Callie, when she gets in a mood- I shouldn’t say that. It’s not fair for me. I had a good family. I grew up and I was fairly happy for a teenager. I met Callie in college. It was hard to get to know her, but then she decided to let me in, and we’ve been friends for years. I know her well enough to say that she does have some dark times and when she gets into that, no matter what you say or do, she might take it the wrong way. It’s not because of you. It’s because of where she goes, in her head, or worse, into her heart.”
