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Even if, in the end, wanting to be better wasn’t enough.
I'm so happy you followed your cousin that night. I'm so happy you got my bike helmet stuck on your head and dropped your phone into the fucking toilet to avoid talking to me.
Because it led me to you.
To us.
I love you, Kingston.
Always.
I'm so sorry it couldn't be me.
31
Leaving You
“So, that’s it?” Standing in the doorway, I carefully eye the heartbreaking scene in front of me. Haze, shoving clothes into the suitcase on his bed. The shirt he’s holding slips out of his hand when he sees me. He clearly wasn’t expecting me. But what exactly did he expect? He’s not the only one with an opinion on this. If this is really the end, if he’s really giving up on us, I have things to say, too.
The second I finished his letter, I got up, got dressed, and stormed out of my house, no second thought. I knew I had to see him, give him a piece of my mind before he vanished from my life forever. I took a lucky guess and headed straight for Vic’s place. I didn’t let myself break down on the way over. Didn’t shed one tear. Why? Because I wasn’t sad.
I was furious.
And I knew I had to hold on to this anger as tightly as I could. Next will be the ugly crying phase, and I don’t know how long I have. Some might say I’m only trying to have the last word here, and… to that I say, damn right, I do. There’s no way he gets to leave with all that power. He’s always the one fucking it all up. After all the sacrifices I’ve made for him. No fucking way he gets to think he left poor heartbroken Winter behind.
The door was unlocked, and Vic’s truck wasn’t out front. I’m glad I have him alone for this.
“A letter?” I hold up the envelope in my hand, and his eyes follow the movement. “I don’t even deserve better than a letter?” My voice flickers.
Shit, what happened to all that anger?
“Winter, I—”
“Don’t. You already said what you had to say. It’s my turn.” I fuel my courage with a deep breath.
He presses his lips into a line.
“You were right,” I tell him.
Silence.
“You are an asshole.”
He chews on the inside of his cheek and looks down.
“And a mess. And oh so fucking damaged. But you know what else you are?” I unfold the sheet of paper in my hand and reread his goodbye. “A coward.”
Don’t cry.
Don’t cry.
Five more minutes.
“And you want to know what the worst part is?” My eyes dart to his. “I would’ve accepted all of it if it meant I got to be with you.”
“Winter, I—”
“Haze, please. Just… Let me say it.”
