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He clamps his mouth shut.
“I trusted you. Even after everything you put me through, after you ripped my heart right out of my chest and stepped on it, I would’ve taken you back without question. I was such a fool for you I accepted that you were part of the reason my father a
lmost died and now this?” I can barely breathe. “You abandon me with nothing but a letter? Seriously? I mean, for fuck’s sake, Haze, did you ever love me at all?” I only notice how loud I’m being when I finish speaking.
He frowns. “What? How can you even ask that? Don’t you get it? I’m doing this precisely because I love you. I love you more than anything.”
Not more than your revenge.
Not more than you hate him.
“I know you genuinely believe that. And that’s exactly what makes it so sad. You don’t. This isn’t love. Love isn’t destroying everything you built with someone because you’re afraid. Because you’d rather just ruin everything yourself than risk for life to take it away from you. The way it took your sister… That’s just what you do, Haze. You sabotage your own happiness. You’ll never let yourself be happy. You can’t.” My throat is so sore it hurts. “You don’t know how…”
He doesn’t say a word, but I can tell my speech hurt him. I cross the remaining distance between us and rest a hand on his cheek for the last time. His eyes close at the touch, and my anger is swapped with heart-squeezing sadness.
Defeated, I let myself cry. Really cry. I let the tears cascade down my face uncontrollably. He winces but doesn’t look away. Good. I want him to see what he did to me. What he did to us. So that one day, when he meets another girl—the right girl—he’ll be the man I wanted him to be.
“I love you. So much.” I choke on a sob. “But I’m done chasing you. This is toxic. We’re toxic.”
Saying it out loud feels just as liberating as it feels excruciating. I needed to say this for me. Not for him, not for anyone else: me. I needed to get these words out of my system. So that, one day, down the road, I can get him out, too.
His eyes widen. This isn’t how he expected this moment to go. I bet he thought I’d come bawling my eyes out and beg him to stay. Sorry, not this time.
“You did it, Haze. You finally convinced me. You’re right.”
My hand leaves his cheek.
“I deserve better than you.”
His mouth drops.
No reply, not even a word. He just steps backward like I shot five arrows straight into his heart.
Finally, a tear rolls down his face.
I turn away. Just two more steps before I reach the door. Two more steps before the end. I could never admit it to myself before, but I can now.
Sometimes, things just have to stay broken.
No matter how bad you wish they didn’t.
No matter how far you’d go to fix them.
You can’t give CPR to someone who’d rather drown.
And there comes a moment in life, one inevitable, heartbreaking, soul-crushing moment… where all that’s left to do is drop the pieces on the ground, watch as they shatter one by one, and walk the hell away.
“So, no. You’re not leaving me, Haze. Not this time…”
I open the door and give him one last look over my shoulder.
“This time, I’m leaving you.”
TEN MONTHS LATER…
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