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“Yes, right, if she has a letter then we might know what we need to do next.”
We pound down the stairs together in silence. I’m sure that Jones is wondering as much about the woman who puts up with me as the evidence and to be honest I can’t blame him. I wonder why Cici sticks with me too. I haven’t been the best in the world. She’s wonderful, and once this is done I’m going to do whatever I can to make her the happiest woman alive. I want to love her, to marry her, to be with her, and I might actually be willing to change for her, and I never thought that I’d be ready to do that for anyone.
Chapter Twenty Five – Cici
If it wasn’t for the sporadic text messages from Michelle, reassuring me that at least Jordan is okay, I would be a mess. There’s been some kind of accident blocking off the highway for ages now and it’s killing me. It’s like the universe is stacked against me, preventing me getting to the man that I love. Or maybe it’s Kingpin. Maybe he orchestrated this so I can’t find Will. He seems clever enough to pull everything off so why not this?
“Damn it,” I mutter as we move forwards slowly once more. “Damn it to hell.”
I also have another fear, but I’m trying not to let it in. I have this terrible scary thought that I’m going to eventually go past the car crash that’s caused all this carnage and see that it’s Will inside of it. the threat is real, the warning is true, and maybe he’s acted on it already. Maybe Will is already gone.
I don’t know what I’ll do if Will isn’t here anymore. Things might not be perfect right now, but that doesn’t mean I want to lose him. I don’t even really want to break up with him, never mind have him die. I don’t want Jordan to grow up without a father in his life, that’ll suck. I’m sure I’ll be able to parent him alone, but I don’t want to. Jordan deserves the chance to get to know his father, I don’t want a criminal to wreck this.
Who is this criminal anyway? I don’t know the underground, I have no idea who any criminals are in this town, but I can’t stop my mind from ticking over just in case. What if it’s someone I know? Plenty of kid have come through my school, some of them a little on the naughtier side. What if this Kingpin is one of their fathers? Maybe I’ve sat across from him at a parent teacher evening and stared him in the eyes. Maybe he knows me.
Finally, the traffic starts moving. It isn’t at the fastest pace but it’s better than being dead still. It’s weird because as I continue to drive it doesn’t seem like anything has really caused the jam, but I don’t want to read too much into that. Will is already – potentially justifiably – paranoid. We don’t need two of us like this. It hardly matters that there aren’t any signs of an accident, it isn’t something to worry about. It’s… fine.
I’ll see him in a moment, I convince myself in an attempt to calm myself down. Once I know that Will is okay it’ll be fine. I’ll see him and we can work on this together. We can solve this. I don’t know what use I’ll be, but by now I don’t care what I do. I’ll do anything to help Will, to save Jordan, to protect my family.
It isn’t too much longer until I pull up in the car park of the police station and I stare at the building. From the outside, it’s a plain white innocuous looking building, but on the inside lies my answers. I’m too scared to face it. I sit where I am for a couple of seconds breathing in and out in a frantic manner. I know that I need to go but I feel frozen to the spot. What if I go in and I learn that he’s gone? I would love to picture an amazing reunion where we run into one another’s arms, but this situation isn’t like that. It’s going to be hard.
Eventually, I push myself out of the car and I force my wooden legs to walk towards the building. My knees practically knock together as I go, but I don’t stop. With my cell phone tightly clasped between my fingers, just in case Michelle needs me for anything, I walk. I keep my eyes fixed firmly forwards and I go.
Bang!
The shocking noise seems to come from nowhere and it nearly knocks me to my feet. I jump up, then duck down as I hear what I’m pretty sure is a gunshot. This is it, he’s finally come for me. Maybe this was Kingpin’s plan all along. Get me all freaked out so I come to check on Will, leaving me out in the open for him to shoot me. I don’t doubt that he’d be brazen enough to do it in public as well. I’m pretty sure that he doesn’t care. The cops obviously can’t catch him because he’s outwitted them, so it hardly matters.
But as my eyes flicker everywhere it quickly becomes clear that he actually isn’t coming for me. I don’t think anyone is. As an old banger of a car drives past me I start to feel foolish. Maybe it was that, backfiring.
So much for not becoming paranoid, I curse myself as I stand and dust myself down. What an idiot.
I get to the door of the police station and I push it open quickly. I don’t want to allow self doubt to creep in any longer, I fear I might talk myself out of it if I do. Just as it flies open, my cell phone bleeps with a message, again making me jump like an idiot. Eyes turn to look at me, I’m sure people think I’m a skittish freak, but I can’t do anything about that now. I fix my eyes to the screen and stare at the message in front of me.
‘Everything is okay. Jordan is fine. Michelle x’
Hmm, that’s a bit formal for her. Usually she sends lots of kisses and smiley faces and her other messages have included something about how cute Jordan is, but I know first hand how challenging it is taking care of a baby. Maybe she’s getting stressed now so I need to pick up the pace. I need to get back to my son.
“Can I help you?” the friendly looking receptionist asks me with a giant smile.
“I need to speak to Will,” I gasp back. “Is he here? I don’t know where he is and I’m worried.”
“Hmm, I see. Do you mean Detective Yoker? How do you know him may I ask?”
This angers me. We’ve been together for over a year now, we have a child together. It shouldn’t be so secretive, it needn’t be so fucking hard for me to get any information about him. But I won’t cry again, not a chance!
“I’m his girlfriend.” I jut my chin out to feign confidence. “And I have something I’m sure he wants to see.”
The receptionist doesn’t look impressed. “Can I ask what it is, please? Only, I don’t want to trouble Detective Yoker since he’s in the middle of a very important investigation and he’s asked not to be disturbed.”
My shoulders sag with relief. “So, he’s here? He’s really here? Oh, thank God.” I clutch my hand to my chest and smile. Then God he isn’t dead, I really couldn’t have handled that. In this building, he’s surrounded by plenty of other officers so I’m sure that he’ll be okay. “I have a letter that’s evidence on that case…”
“You can hand that in to me. I shall pass it forwards to him.”
I clutch the envelope protectively to my chest. I’m not giving this to anyone e
lse. Will is the only person I can trust with it and I want to hand it directly to him. “No. I want to see him. Can you contact him, please?”
The smile remains on her face, but the receptionist is pissed off. I can see it dancing in her eyes. She wants me to back down, I can see that she wants to keep this stand off up until I cave, but I refuse. Me and Will have been through so much, especially in the past couple of days, and I need to see his face. I want to silently communicate with him that the fight we shared doesn’t mean anything. Right now, we all simply need to be safe.
