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“I’m sorry.”
“I know you are and I’m not mad,” she sighs desperately. “I just worry about you. I think you’re lonely and you work too hard. Mike would have been perfect for you and he was really looking forward to double date with me but with Jon tonight, I just know this is going to crush him.”
When I think about Robyn and Jon it makes my stomach clench. They’ve only been together for six months but it just works. It’s so obvious that they’re meant to be… that’s what I want. It’s what I want so badly that it hurts, but who would put up with someone who is never around? The only person I can think of who might want to be with me is Grant, because he understands, he’s always at work too. We could make up for lost time by seeing one another at work… but he has a girlfriend and it’s never going to happen. At this rate, I might die alone. Especially if Robyn is right and it won’t get better once I’m a partner. Maybe I will still be as busy. Who knows? Not me, not anymore.
“I’m sorry. Maybe we can do it again sometime…”
“Katy, I don’t mean to be horrible, but this is the third time you’ve stood Mike up. I think he’ll only have so much patience, you know?”
I huff, knowing that she’s right. Mike could be the perfect man for me and I’m constantly letting him down and ruining things before they can even become anything. But I can’t send Mr. Thomas away now. Not so close to the partner meeting. Unfortunately, I have to choose work over love once more. Story of my damn life. I just really hope it isn’t always this way.
“I’m sorry, Robyn. And I’m sorry to Mike too.”
“I know you are. Just… make sure this all makes you happy, okay? I’ll speak to you soon.”
Once I hang up the phone, I stare at the screen for a moment, wondering why Robyn’s words have made me feel so weird inside. Of course, work makes me happy, that’s why I spend so much time at it, that’s why it’s all I care about. I went to college to study law for a reason, it called to me and I’ve always known that it’s what I want. Sure, it isn’t quite what I dreamed but it can’t be that way right away. Everyone has to go through the hard bits before their dreams fully come true. That’s common knowledge. If it comes easy then there isn’t any point to it. Is there?
So why do I feel right now like it doesn’t make me happy? Why do I feel like I can’t breathe? Like my lungs have collapsed and my heart is racing far too quickly? Why does it feel like the walls are closing in on me and that I might be trapped at any given moment? I could panic, if I wanted to, but I’m doing everything that I can to ensure that doesn’t happen. I can’t panic right now, not when I have so much I need to do. I have to get the coffees, I have to get back to Mr. Thomas, I need to explain to him the same thing over and over again until I’m just about ready to tear my own hair out…
“Katy?” Grant’s chocolaty smooth voice runs right through me, making me jump and snap my eyes up to see him. I feel like I’ve gone crazy and I’m scared he might see that. “Are you okay?”
“Oh… yeah, of course.” I try to act blasé but I don’t know whether or not I pull it off. From the look on his face I don’t. “Just erm… on the phone, cancelling plans you know how it is.” I let out a laugh, but it’s too weak to really pass off. “Same old, same old.”
“Yeah well…” Grant hands me the two coffee drinks that I made earlier, snapping me back into action. “That’s what you get for being one of the best legal minds in the country.”
“What… what do you mean by that?” I can barely stand to look at him because he dazzles me so much. “Best legal mind?”
“Well you are, aren’t you? One of the best I mean. I was just saying to Tatiana…” I have to really struggle not to shudder at the mere mention of her name. “That I have some real tough competition in you. I wouldn’t be surprised if you beat me to the partner position at all.”
I smile weakly at him, soaking the compliment up like a sponge. The thing is, I am an amazing lawyer, that’s the reason I’m being considered for partner so soon. That’s why I work my ass off all the time. There are reasons that this is worth it.
“Thank you, Grant, that’s… nice of you. Of course, I’m not really your competition, but still. Thank you.”
“Oh, you are. But I don’t have time to stand around flattering you all day long. Or all night long, what time is it again?” I laugh at his pitiful joke. “I best get b
ack, and judging by the temperature of those drinks you had too. I’ll see you later, I’m sure.”
“Yep. See ya.”
When he gives me a warm grin I feel some of my confidence return. I’ll prove Robyn wrong, she won’t be able to get rid of me once I’m a partner. It’ll all be just fine. I clutch the drinks tighter and I walk with a bounce in my step back to Mr. Thomas. Yes, I’m still annoyed that I’ll have to spend most of the time explaining things to him again, but it’s all just small cogs towards my end goal. That shining star, the title partner.
“Right, Mr. Thomas,” I declare with a grin. Going out for a coffee was definitely a good idea. I have a new spark again. I can face him with a genuine interest. “What do you need help with?”
Chapter Three – Evan
Just as I finally give up and I start gathering up my things to go home, hours after I probably could have left, the phone at my desk rings out. Ally has already left, she’s almost always out the door at five o clock on the dot, so it’s up to me to decide whether or not it’s a call I want to take. The answering machine is on, I could just take a message in the morning, but there’s something inside of me itching, unable to just let it go. Screw it, I need to know who it is.
“Hello, Evan DeBroils speaking.” I’m almost panting with desperation. “How may I help you?”
“Evan, it’s Barry.” My heart sinks as I hear my accountant’s firm tone. “I’ve been trying to reach you for days. You’ve been very difficult to speak to.”
I gulp noisily. I can’t tell him that I informed Ally that she needed to field all his calls and make excuses for why I can’t speak to him because I don’t want to face the impending truth. I know it won’t make any difference, I’m sure things will happen regardless, but by burying my head in the sand I thought I would buy myself some more time. Now, I’m stuck facing it.
I should have let it go to voice mail, I think sadly. What an idiot.
“Oh, Barry. Sorry, you know Ally. Sometimes she doesn’t realize when people are making essential calls…” Maybe I should feel guilty for sullying Ally’s name, but I don’t.
“Right, well. I do need to speak to you. Is now a good time?”
