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I can see an IV drip near him, one that I presume is sticking into me replenishing all the things I lost during my time in Afghanistan. It all fits with what Jordan is telling me but it’s like a dream come true. I don’t want to get my hopes up, I’m so scared of finding myself in that cell once more. I can’t help but fear this is all happening in my head. If this is real I wonder if I’ll ever be able to accept it. Will I spend the rest of my life worried? Will I be eighty years old scared that one day I will wake up and find out that it’s all been a dream?
“Am I dead?” I need to know, it’s much better to be sure. “Did I die? Did they kill me?”
His warm hand circles mine and I can sense a smile on his face. “They didn’t kill you. You aren’t dead.”
A wetness covers my cheeks. If Jordan is telling the truth then I somehow managed to survive that hell. Even though I gave up hope somewhere along the way, I got rescued anyway. I absolutely cannot believe it. Jordan came looking for me, he risked his life even though he hates me, and he got me out of there. It’s everything I was too scared to dream of in the end. All I feared wanting because I knew that it wouldn’t work out for me.
Yet somehow, it has. Somehow it seems like I really am in America, almost back home, alive.
“Did you see the video?” I ask through the tears. “They made me read stuff out after I watched everyone die.”
“I saw it. The first one anyway, but I’ve heard there’s a second one. That must have been horrible.”
“The third one would have been them killing me, so I’m mostly just glad they didn’t get to make that one.”
I try to make a joke but it falls flat because none of this is really that funny. It’s all just awful.
“So, everyone you were with died? We couldn’t find anyone else at the compound but we did look.”
“No.” I shake my head sadly, that horrific moment spinning through my mind again. “You wouldn’t. They weren’t killed then. They were killed in some little shack somewhere else. Oliver wanted us to do a piece on the Taliban while speaking to a member. We thought this guy was an ex member, but I guess not.” I shudder, the idea that we even had to go through that too much to bear. “And they killed everyone but me.” I would wonder ‘why me’ but it wasn’t like my life was spared by them. “It was horrible, I can’t even believe it happened.”
“I will be having words with your boss, don’t you worry about that,” Jordan warns. “What an asshole, sending you off like that right into the heart of danger. Does he even know what he did to you? He will!”
“I’ll be having a word with Oliver myself, don’t you worry about that. I knew it was a bad idea, I just wish that I’d followed my instincts now. None of us would have been put in that situation at all.”
I brace myself for the inevitable ‘I told you so’, which must be coming my way, but somehow, I end up with nothing. I don’t quite know how he manages it but Jordan keeps that one inside. He must be dying to say it, and it isn’t even like I would be able to argue with him. He’s right, he did tell me and I refused to listen. I’m dying to tell him myself that he was correct and I was wrong, but this doesn’t feel like the time for me to say it.
“You look like you need some rest,” Jordan comments instead. His words make me realize just how tired I am. “I’ll go and get a doctor to come and check you over. Why don’t you close your eyes for a while?”
“But… I’ve only just woken up,” I pout. “I want to talk to you some more. I want to find out everything.”
“We have all the time in the world to talk. For now, you just need some rest. You know that.”
Almost as if his words have a magical power over me, I can’t help doing as he commands. My eyes roll back, desperate to close once more despite the fact that they’ve only just opened, and I find myself collapsing back into the dream world. Only this time it can be a much more pleasant place because I know – or at least I hope – that when I wake up I will still be here. I will still be with Jordan and able to be happy once more.
***
The next few weeks are hard. Recovery isn’t easy. My body has a lot to get over and boy does it feel it as I try to get myself back to the place I was in before. But I get through it with the sheer determination that I will not let those men take anything else away from me. They’ve destroyed my life enough. They won’t have more.
Actually, that isn’t the only thing to get me through. I also have the help of Jordan. He’s been incredible, absolutely the best, I don’t know where I would be without him. He helps me when I struggle to walk, he encourages me every time I feel my morale get low, he’s kind to me when I need it the most…
I wouldn’t be anywhere without him. This couldn’t be a more different atmosphere to the one I left. That was during the time we wouldn’t stop arguing, we were both being stubborn and pig headed, neither of us could say anything right. We were two divided people, lost in our own thoughts. Now, we’re a team. I feel more connected to him than ever before. I know I can rely on him for anything I want, whatever I need.
With every single day that passes, I find myself falling deeper and deeper back in love with him. I never lost that love, it’s always been there, but now it’s growing, it’s developing in its intensity. I seriously hope that he feels the same way about me. I want us to continue to build this bond for the rest of our lives.
“Are you ready to go to physiotherapy?” Jordan asks me with a smile while extending out his arm to me. “I can take you there, I already spoke to Nurse Elsie and she said to just take you there.”
I roll my eyes and chuckle. “Trust you to make friends with the staff here, honestly.”
“It’s impossible to spend so much time here and not make some friends.” He shrugs as if this means nothing, but to me it’ everything. He really has spent so much time here. Who knows what he’s missing out on?
“Okay, that’s fair.” I push myself off the bed and take his arm. “And yes, I would love for you to take me.”
“And after physio, I think you have an appointment with the therapist. I know you don’t much like that, but you’ve got to do it as part of your recovery. It’s in your healing plan.”
I roll my eyes angrily. “I don’t like it, I really don’t. I can’t see what can be gained from talking it through.”
“You went through a very traumatic time, of course, you should talk it through, this is the only way.”
