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“I don’t know about that, I think I’m getting better on my own. I really feel okay.”
I’m not even lying to get my
own way when I say that, I do feel like I’m recovering. The memories are lowering, taking on a much less important place in my brain. I can still feel them, I know all that stuff happened to me, but with Jordan by my side, I would much rather think about the future. I want to spend my energy thinking about him and where we might go from here. I’m done with the past. In my mind, talking about it gives the memories legs, it gives those men further power over me, it allows them to claim a little bit more of me.
But if it’s what I have to do to get out of the hospital and back to my real life then so be it. I suppose I’ll go through anything to get back the life I worked so hard for. I’m desperate for that.
“Alright, I’ll go,” I pout like a teenager. “But I’m not happy about it. I don’t see why I should.”
Jordan slips his arm from mine and he wraps it tightly around me. I feel my weight against him, loving the feel of him. I glance up at him smilingly, wanting to find the moment to thank him but before that happens I’m stunned by the sensation of his lips crashing against mine. We haven’t kissed really since being back in America, maybe the odd peck on the cheek, but this is different. I can feel all of his emotions within it. Especially when his hands cup my cheeks and he holds me in place while his tongue darts between my lips. This is a real passionate kiss, a bit like the ones we used to share all the time in the early days, and it feels amazing.
“Oh my,” I murmur against his lips as he pulls away from me. “Oh, wow, Jordan.”
I don’t know if this means what I hope it does, that we’re going to pick up where we left off when I get back home, but my brain spins wildly at the idea. If I really am going to wake up back in that cell, back in hell, then this will be it. I squeeze my eyes tightly shut and beg that not to happen.
Thankfully, my prayers are answered and when my eyes open he’s still there, clinging onto me, hopefully loving me just as much as I do him. Our eyes linger on one another for a few seconds, before reality kicks in.
“We better get going then. Your physio awaits.”
28
Jordan
“How does it feel to be home?” I ask with a smile as Veronica hobbles inside. “I hope I kept it tidy enough…”
To be honest, I haven’t been home much since Veronica has been at the hospital. Only fleeting visits to pick stuff up. I tried to do a mad tidy up yesterday when I found out she might be coming home, and I hope it’s enough. The last thing I want is for her to feel stressed out. She needs to be calm and relaxed to aid her recovery.
“It feels good,” she replies in a small voice. “So good. You have no idea. It’s been such a long time.”
I know that feeling, I remember it well from when I returned from my tour. It was so overwhelming that it was actually a challenge to face it. And what I’d been through was nothing compared to Veronica. She’s doing so well, moving on at such a rapid pace it’s hard to remember what she’s been through. Every so often I forget that I found her in that dreadful place in such a state, my brain erases that part from our history.
But she has, no amount of forgetting will change that. I need to respect just how much this might be for her to take in, so I step back while she runs her hands softly over everything she can touch. She’s feeling it like she’s a new born baby and it’s the first time she’s experienced everything in the world. I suppose it probably feels that way to her. She thought she was going to die, she didn’t think she would end up here again.
“Are you alright?” I ask quietly, not wanting to interrupt the moment too much. “Do you need me?”
When Veronica turns back to face me there are tears streaming down her cheeks. “I’m just so glad to be here.”
I race to her and hold her, embracing her tightly. I slide my eyes closed and really feel the magnitude of having her in my arms. I will never ever be able to take her for granted, not after all of that. Every touch with her is wonderful, amazing, unexpected. It could not be happening, she could still be in Afghanistan, or dead. I have to be grateful to just be in the same room as her. I don’t know how we’ll ever be apart again.
“I’m glad that you’re here as well. Everything about having you back is amazing.”
“Being back is amazing and it’s all because of you. If you didn’t come to rescue me…”
“Someone would have come for you.” I couldn’t take all the credit. “They would’ve saved you.”
“But you are the one who came. And I won’t ever forget that. You risked your life for me when you shouldn’t have had to. If only I had listened to you in the first place we wouldn’t have gone through that.”
We haven’t talked about all the arguments that came before because it really hasn’t been the time or place, but it seems now she wants to. I suppose it’s better to get it out the way early so we can start moving on.
I move into the living room while wiggling my finger and indicating for her to come with me. Veronica almost tiptoes behind me as if she feels nervous for us to start this chat but it has to happen. There have been a lot of things that we’ve been skating around and I don’t want to do that anymore. It shouldn’t be like that. If we’re going to really start again then I want to do so in an open and honest way.
“I just want to start off by saying that I’m sorry.” I sigh loudly. “I’m sorry that I was a jerk to you.”
“No, no.” Veronica shakes her head violently. “You were right, I should have listened.”
“I wasn’t right though, really. I didn’t know that was going to happen. I just… I thought I knew better than you because I’d been to Afghanistan. But what you experienced was so much worse than me.”
“But you were right… you did know that something bad would happen. I was stubborn.”
