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I sigh loudly, dropping my phone on the table and I move over to the window. I don’t know what I want to do exactly, just that I want to get out. These four walls are closing in on me, driving me nuts, I need to breathe freer again before the depression swallows me whole and completely consumes me alive. It’s on the edge already.
Without even thinking about it, I leave my phone where it is and I grab my keys instead. I head towards the front door without a destination in mind. It hardly matters anyway, I don’t need to be anywhere right now, I just need to do something that will calm my thoughts down. Something to numb the pain.
I soon feel the same claustrophobic sensation out on the streets, the city is always so busy. There are people everywhere, banging into me with each and every step. My lungs squeeze tight, I can hardly get any air into them at all. Being outside is all well and good except I can’t get any space. I need to get to the park, which is only a short walking distance, but somehow, I don’t quite make it all that way. I stumble across the first dive bar I find and I head inside. Drink, I need drink. Just one or two to calm me down, then I’ll head to the park.
“What can I get you?” the friendly looking bar maid asks me. She flicks her dark black hair over her shoulder, causing the snake tattoo across her chest to ripple and shake. It’c sool and dark, just like her clothing. The only thing shining on her is he silver line under her eyes which matches her lip piercing. She looks like a grown up goth, but in the best way possible. “You look like you could use something strong.”
“Strong, yes,” I gasp back while sliding onto a sticky bar stool. “That sounds perfect.”
It’s dark in here, the light of the outside world is blocked out which makes me notice how sensitive my eyes have been up until this point. I find that I can actually smooth out my face now which is something. I dart my eyes from side to side to see what other people are in here but there’s only a drunk old man asleep at the other side of the bar. His fingers are clutched around the glass but he’s definitely snoring loudly.
His head slumps forward, hitting the bar with a thump. I brace myself, preparing for him to wake up, but he’s too wasted for that. The bump doesn’t even affect him at all.
“Yep, don’t worry about Ol’ Bill, there.” She nods her head towards him. “He’s been asleep for hours.”
“Right.” I take the drink from her, knocking it back without even asking what it is. It’s so strong it makes my throat burn but that heat feels good. It blocks out the agony inside my brain. “Thank you.”
“Would you like another?” I nod yes. “I thought so. You seem like you do. I’m Sia, by the way,”
“Hi, Sia. I’m Tamara.” I shake my head and smirk with bemusement. “At least, I think I am.”
“You think?” She leans on her elbows and gets her head closer. “Now that sounds like a story. As I’m sure you can imagine, this place is boring most of the time. Why don’t you lighten up my day?”
That sounds intoxicating, the ability to share with someone new, someone that I don’t even know so her opinion won’t matter too much -
although she is cool and I’d like her to think the same of me. I don’t particularly want to go through the whole sorry saga again, but the shot of drink has loosened my lips. I find the words coming out without me even meaning them to. “Okay, but it’s a doozy, so be prepared…”
“I can honestly say that you’re a first,” Sia shakes her head and chuckles at me. “I haven’t quite met anyone like you before, and I don’t think I will again. I’m so glad you walked in to Puzzles today.”
I lift my glass up in a cheers gesture, almost tumbling backwards as I do. Either I’m swaying or the whole world is. Perhaps I’m in the middle of an earth quake or something. I’m not too sure. I don’t know how long I’ve been here either, but then again, I don’t know much of anything anymore. Not that it matters.
“I’m glad I came in here too.” Oops, I might be slurring my words a bit. “It’s been fun, Sia.”
“So, this amnesia… it sounds awful.” Her understanding fills up my chest with a warmth. She gets me, she knows me more than all the people who have known me my entire life. “It must be dreadful.”
“Oh, it is. It really is, I don’t remember little really important things like Logan.”
“Logan?” She wipes a dirty cloth across the much too stick bar which somehow makes me laugh. It’s not funny really, but I can’t seem to stop giggling like an idiot. “The guy from the train, right?”
“Yep. The guy who I met twice on the train. Not that I remember the first one, of course.”
“He sounds really nice though, he’s been really understanding.”
“Yeah.” I pout out my bottom lip. “I suppose he has but I don’t much know him anymore. Not like he does me. Am I being crazy? Am I pushing away someone that I actually like over something dumb?” Sia doesn’t immediately give me an answer which makes me groan loudly. “Oh no, you do, don’t you?”
I watch Old Bill, seeing his head hanging even lower. If he’s not careful then he’ll end up falling to the ground and banging his head. He might even end up like me, with amnesia from that bump…
“Wait!” I leap up with excitement and race to behind the bar. The strong drinks that Sia has given me have loosened everything up, including my inhibitions. I would never normally act this way but it feels right. “I need a bottle of wine. Do you have one? Ooh, look you have loads in the refrigerator there.”
“Wait, woah, what are you doing?” Sia tries to stop me from pulling the fridge open but I have some odd inner strength that beats her hands down. “I can’t responsibly let you drink a whole bottle of wine when you’re drunk.”
“Oh no.” I give her a bemused look. “This isn’t for me to drink. I’m not crazy.”
“It’s not to drink? Then what is it for?” I point to Old Bill and she follows my eye line. “Not for him?”
“No, silly.” I giggle. How can she not see what’s really going on here? “But Bill is going to bang his head in a moment and he’ll get amnesia like me. None of us want that, do we?”
“And… wine is going to help that? I’m sorry if I’m being dumb, but I can’t see it…”
