AllFreeNovel
Share Us
This fucking woman can make me go from zero to a hundred in less than a second.
This fucking woman is going to be the one who kills me.
4
Katherine
I’m falling… it’s dangerous… I’m going to end up with a shattered heart…
“Katherine, what is up with you today?” My snarky boss, Arthur, snaps my attention back into the room. “You’ve been in a day dream. Those reports aren’t going to write themselves, you know? I do actually need them today or I wouldn’t have asked for them.” He snorts as if he’s made a joke. “So, can you wake up long enough to do them? I wouldn’t want to disturb you if you have somewhere so much more important to be in your head?”
I dart my eyes around the room, burning up as I feel all eyes upon me. Working in the stock market is such a man’s world, I have had to really struggle to get to where I am, I’ve had to prove myself more than everyone else, and now I’m on the verge of throwing it all away over some man who just isn’t worth it.
“Oh, yes, of course.” I bumble around over my desk like an idiot, as if I’m actually looking for something. I just need to stop feeling all the prickle of eyes upon me. “I’m sorry, I… I was just…”
“Yeah, yeah, we don’t need to know what’s going on inside your brain. We don’t understand how women work in this office anyway and I don’t think it’s time to learn.” The others laugh. “Just get it done.”
I grit my teeth at the sexism. I want to ki
ck off and make a stink about it but the last person who did that ended up leaving because of the mess it made. Maybe that’s why I’m such a control freak because there’s so much I don’t think I have any power over. So, that makes it even weirder that I would put myself in another uncontrollable situation with Alistair. If I’m not careful I truly will end up in love with him, fully in the knowledge that he won’t fall in love himself. He told me as much in the back of that cab just before we hooked up the first time.
“Don’t fall for me,” he warned in between frantic kisses. “I won’t ever fall for you.”
And I’ve held onto those words tightly, knowing that I’m not the only one to hear them. He probably says that as an opening line to all the girls he has sex with, just so he can say ‘I told you not to!’ if they ever do. I vowed to myself that I wouldn’t, I told myself it was just a moment of madness, but I’m still in it.
When I left his apartment this morning I told myself what I always do. That will be the last time, never again. Only this time I’m going to have to mean it. I can’t keep doing this, it’s bad for my health.
“Hey there, Katherine,” Gary’s soft voice calls out to me. “If you need any help, let me know.”
Ah, Gary. The man who’s absolutely perfect for me on paper. He’s no bad boy, he’s sweet and kind, caring with everyone around him. He’s successful too, really good at his job, and he doesn’t act like this is a man’s world. He treats me like I belong to be here. He has good genetics too, he’s very good looking, and he’s got a nice home near his mom’s so he can keep an eye on her. He goes to the gym, but not too much, and plays five a side soccer at the weekends. He’s literally the perfect man for me, what a shame he started here a week after Tamara and Logan had gone on their world wide trip, leaving me knee deep in Alistair.
“Oh, thank you, Gary, that’s really kind of you. I think I might just need a coffee to wake up my brain, that’s all.” I raise my cardboard cup high. “Do you want one while I’m going?”
A chorus of ‘I do’s’ come from the other guys, but I pointedly ignore them. They can’t make jokes about me half the time and want favors the rest. They know my stance on them all by now, I’m just here to work, not to make friends. As far as I’m concerned, they can all go to hell.
“I’ll come with you, actually.” Gary jumps up. “I’ll get everyone a drink.”
As we walk towards the canteen where the coffee machine sits, I dart odd looks at Gary. Something is clearly stressing him out, I can almost see it rolling off of him in waves. That’s not like him at all, I’m the one who gets all worked up about things. He’s a very calming influence. His mood is enough to distract me from my issues.
“What’s going on, Gary?” I furrow my eyebrows at him. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I just…” He sighs audibly. “I have something that I want to talk to you about, that’s all. Alone.”
Hmm, now I’m really intrigued. I lean closer to him and wait as patiently as I can manage until we get into the break room, then I bring the coffee machine to life while waiting for him to finally confess all.
But he doesn’t. He waits until I can’t take it any longer and I feel compelled to say something.
“So, Gary?” I try to smile through the nerves but it isn’t easy. Probably because I’m already so close to the edge. “What’s going on here? What did you need to talk to me about alone?”
“I erm…” He shifts his feet uncomfortably along the ground. His cheeks stain red as whatever he needs to say to me really stiffens him up. It’s having the same effect on me too, I’m really freaked out now. “I just wanted to… to ask you something, actually.” He’s so unassuming, the opposite to Alistair. Which is a good thing, Alistair is bad news. I’m not supposed to be thinking about him now anyway. “I just wanted to… know if maybe you’d…”
All of a sudden, it hits me what might be happening here. The coyness, the blush, the difficulty of him getting out the question… I think Gary might be about to ask me out. My immediate reaction is to panic and run before I have to say anything that will break his heart, I don’t like the idea of that at all, but thankfully, my brain fixes me in place. It reminds me that this might actually be just what I’m looking for, the distraction I need.
I eye him curiously. He isn’t Alistair, but maybe that’s the point. Perhaps if I’m not going to go back there with him then I need to move forward. And Gary is perfect on paper, he fits in with the vision of my life far more than Alistair ever could. If I really strain my brain I can see myself building a future with this man. He could be the one I marry, the one I have kids with. Not that I’m moving too fast but I need to remind myself of why I should say yes. There are many reasons why my life should go in this direction rather than the one it was.
“I was thinking that maybe we could…” I still cringe, I can’t help myself. I’m so used to a man being commanding and taking what he wants. “Go out on a date, for drinks or a meal, or whatever.”
Don’t worry about how it started, just thinking about how it can go.
