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I force a smile onto my face. One day I’ll look back on this moment and be so glad that I went for this. “Sure. Actually, that sounds really nice. Erm…” I tuck a stray strand of hair behind my ear and dart my eyes downwards. It’s okay, I’ll make eye contact with him later. “What did you have in mind?”
“Oh… I think I’m just a little blown away that you said yes, actually.” His awkward laugh doesn’t do anything for me. “Would you like to go for dinner? I could take you to the Indian near here?”
Urgh, that doesn’t exactly scream romance, but it’s fine. I’m not looking for a grand gesture or someone to knock me off my feet. But that’s okay, this is more realistic. That’s what I need.
“Yeah, that sounds great. What about Friday night?”
“Yep… Friday sounds good. Do you want to text me your address so I can pick you up?”
“Well, why don’t we just meet outside the restaurant? Save you coming out of your way.”
“Sure… sounds good. I’ll see you then.”
“Good.” He nods sharply. “Right. I see. Friday then. I’ll see you then. Well, I’ll see you in a minute at the desk, but…” Oh God, there’s that awkward laugh again. “Yes, okay, I’m off.”
He gathers up all the coffees and leaves the room sharpish, leaving me alone with all the bewildering thoughts racing through my mind. That was intense, and not actually in a good way. I don’t know how I feel about it…
I grab my cell phone out of my pocket and immediately put in a call to Tamara. I hope she isn’t too busy to pick up, I really need her more than ever right now. I drum my fingers rapidly on the side while I wait for her to answer.
“Hello?” She sounds harassed, but that’s fine, she has twins. She’s always stressed out these days. “Katherine, is everything okay?”
“Yeah… erm, Gary from the office just asked me out.” Even saying it aloud sounds weird. “Like, just now.”
“Oh, my goodness, that’s amazing! He’s the cute one, right? You said yes, of course.”
“Yeah, that’s the one. I did say yes, but…” I halt myself in my tracks.
“But what?”
Of course she asks that! What am I going to say? Because me and Alistair have been secretly hooking up for ages and I don’t know how I feel about him? I couldn’t say that even if Tamara knew. Not unless I want to completely humiliate myself. It isn’t like Alistair is waiting around for me. I know he’s hooked up with others. It’s stupid to even consider how he might feel in all of this.
“But… I haven’t been on a date for a while,” I improvise. “So, I’m a bit freaked.”
“When is it?”
“Friday.”
“Well, what are you worrying about? I have plenty of time to help you before then. Plus, don’t forget that you’re amazing. He’s probably already madly in love with you. I really don’t think you need to worry at all.”
“Hmmm… yeah.” It’s weird, I actually feel oddly guilty which is just dumb. “Okay, thanks.”
“Come over tonight. Me and Logan will give you some tips.”
I want to ask if Alistair will be there too, I’ve been surprised by him before, but I don’t know if I can say his name anymore without giving myself away. Luckily, Tamara is under the impression that we hate one another because we can’t seem to be in the same room without fighting, so I can easily get away with it.
“Right, great. See you then. I’ll pick up dinner on the way. Thank you.”
As I hang up the phone I feel an odd sense of emptiness encasing me. None of this feels right, but what can I do? Alistair isn’t about to magically become a man who wants to be with me and Gary isn’t going to have that… that spark I don’t even know how to explain. That thing which ignites my fire and brings me to life.
But the fire will burn out eventually, it always has to. It can’t stay alight forever.
“Gary,” I mutter to myself. “It has to be Gary. He’s the right one for me.”
I’m sure the more I tell myself that, the more it’ll become real. I’ll start to feel that way as well.
5
Alistair
