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“Oh, I don’t know, go back to that massive house of his? Not to be insensitive or anything, but it’s not like there’s anyone else there to have a problem with it anymore.”
“Courtney!” I almost shrieked, actually kind of horrified. My voice was loud enough to make Courtney wince. “That’s a terrible thing to say! And it shouldn’t surprise you that I didn’t go home with him. It’s not like him being back in town magically changed who I was, right?”
“Right, but come on! Isn’t this sort of the one you’ve been holding out for? After all of those freaking Prince Charming kinds of books, isn’t he yours? The ridiculously hot ex comes back into town under tragic circumstances? You both happen to be in the right place at the right time? Tell me that isn’t the perfect scenario for you to pop your cherry.”
“Sorry, but no.”
“What more do you want, Fay?”
“For him to prove it’s about more than just getting me into bed, for starters. He was drunk, Courtney, and I was, too. If we’re even going to think about going there, I’m going to need a little bit more than that.”
“Like what, a diamond ring?” she asked.
“No, but some conversation might be nice. A little bit of time to get to know each other.”
“But you two dated all through high school!”
“That’s right, and that was years and years ago. I mean, after all this time, we need to get to know who we are now. I told him very clearly that if he wanted to see more of me, he knew where to find me.”
“Yeah, well don’t get your hopes up, lady. I wish I were wrong about this, but I don’t think men like the one you’re holding out for exist. Not even when they’re hot exes.”
“They may not. Then again, they may. We’ll just have to see.”
I thought I was doing a pretty good job of sounding sure of myself, but inside, I felt like I was going to have a heart attack. The night before, I had felt so good about what I was doing. I’d felt sure that it was the right move. But in the cold, gray light of the next day’s afternoon, I wasn’t so sure.
Neil had probably only been expressing interest in me because he was drunk, and he knew I might still have an emotional tie to him. Maybe he was also a little bit surprised that I hadn’t freaked out on him yet. If that was the case, he wasn’t the only one.
Even though I was the one living inside of my own head, I still couldn’t quite understand how it was that I was so okay with the fact that Neil had completely bailed on me and was now acting like nothing had ever happened at all. I was maybe a little extra cautious, but whether or not I should have been, I found that I couldn’t make myself be angry. Part of me even wanted to be angry. It felt like it would have been a hell of a lot safer than whatever it was I was doing instead, but I couldn’t do it.
What I could do was make myself half-crazy. Courtney and I opened up the diner. I waited to see if Neil would come and see me, or if it had only been his drinks talking. Courtney’s words kept replaying in my mind over and over again, like a tape on a loop. I couldn’t help wondering if everything she’d said to me was right. Maybe it had always been right, maybe all of it had been, and I had only been wasting my time on stupid dreams of life being a certain way that didn’t really exist.
“Hey! Hey, dreamy, pay attention!”
I looked up so suddenly that I almost dropped the salt shaker I had in my hand. Courtney, who had actually done some work for a change and wiped the tables down, was groaning and laughing at the same time. Jesus, I really did belong in one of those fairytale movies, one of the ones where the main princess was so full of daydreams that she could hardly navigate the world around her.
I had been so busy thinking about Neil and whether or not I had played things the right way that I had managed to dump a not inconsiderable amount of salt all over the counter top. I cursed to myself under my breath. That struck Courtney even funnier than the spillage itself and got her laughing in earnest.
I began to set about cleaning my mess up. I was so wrapped up in what I was doing that I completely ignored the sound of the door’s bell dinging. Courtney stopped laughing and, instead of greeting our customer, remained totally silent. That was odd, so I looked up, already on the verge of being pissed off at her for making my afternoon harder than it needed to be.
“Neil!” I exclaimed.
“Fay,” he said, smiling. He looked tired and a little worse for wear. But somehow, he managed to look completely gorgeous all the same. “Did I come at a bad time?”
“What? No! No, you didn’t. We’re just getting everything set up.”
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t the salt go inside of the shakers and not on the countertop?” he asked with a grin.
“Ah, is that where I went wrong?” I said, feeling embarrassed. “Good thing you were here to tell me.”
“Definitely,” he agreed, smiling wider as he took a seat right in front of where I was still trying to clean up my mess. “Dodged a bullet if you ask me.”
“Well that’s good. Don’t want to do the opposite.”
Neil laughed a little, and then there was silence. I could feel him looking at me while I looked down at the salt. At the same time, I could feel Courtney’s eyes boring into the side of my face. It was such an intense stare that I was sure that giving her super powers would have meant my death. I wanted to look right back at her and tell her to back off already. She cleared her throat and tapped the coffee machine.
“Oh!” I said.
“What?” Neil asked, sounding like he might be genuinely considering my well-being. “Is something the matter?”
