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“Try to look excited,” Tanya says, rolling her eyes and pushing me out of the car. “This is meant to be fun.”
But this is her idea of fun, not mine.
Five minutes later, I’m hot and the vodka-based drink Tanya bought has my mouth tasting horribly.
I’m not cut out for this. Maybe I should just leave.
Tanya might not even notice I’m gone. But she brought me out because she wants me here, and I don’t feel like I can do that to her. I should try and have a good time for her sake, to make her happy. That’s what friends are for, right?
“Macy!” Tanya shouts over the music. “Those guys over there, they’re cute, right?”
I look to where she’s pointing. There are some guys around our age drinking beer and rowdily shoving into one another over by the doors. None of them strike me as attractive, especially when they’re acting like a bunch of teenagers. But Tanya looks hopeful, and I can tell she wants to go over and talk to them. Dread hits me when I realize this was never going to be a girl’s night, after all. Not when she’s out on the prowl.
“Yeah, I guess…”
“Then let’s go! Come on!”
I follow her lead, wishing I was small enough to hide behind her, that I was invisible, that I wasn’t here, to begin with. But the boys catch sight of us both at the same time. Tanya is glamorous in her short dress and heels. Her lipstick making her lips pop even more and her bare legs going on for days.
And then there’s me.
I stay behind her, too shy to comprehend actually talking to one of these guys. Tanya dives straight for the best-looking one, and I feel like a spare part, standing awkwardly at a distance so I don’t have to talk to any of the guys.
They’re eyeing me up like vultures, but not in the same way they’re looking at Tanya. As though I’m not having a hard enough time already.
This is exactly how I imagined it would go. Tanya is having the time of her life and I’m standing here wishing that the floor would swallow me up. These guys clearly aren’t for me. A few of them are watching me, talking to one another, and laughing. I know without being able to hear that they’re saying cruel things about me. I feel the sting of tears in my eyes as I can only imagine what they’re saying about me.
I just want to go home.
I don’t want to pretend to have a good time anymore.
I head to the bathroom before I burst into tears. I know Tanya will be fine out without me. In fact, I bet she won’t even notice that I’m gone. I take a little time to myself, sitting in a stall and wiping mascara from my cheeks. This is so silly. I already knew this wasn’t going to go down the way I wanted it to. The way I’d hoped. I knew before we even arrived that I wasn’t going to find a man for me in a place like this. But what hurts most is how easy everyone else seems to find it. Hooking up, finding love, even just finding someone to spend the night with. Why can’t it be like that for me? Just because I’m different, it doesn’t mean I’m unworthy of love…right?
I pull myself together enough to head back out onto the dance floor, but I can’t see Tanya anywhere. I feel frustrated as I wander around the bar. I could really use some help from my best friend right now. Just a little comfort would be nice. But she’s nowhere to be seen.
“Looking for your bestie?”
I whirl around and see one of the guys from the group standing behind me, grinning. I’ve never felt so uncomfortable with someone smiling at me before.
I nod uncertainly.
“She’s long gone,” he sneers. “She left you here on your own. Left with one of my pals.”
His words feel like a stab to the heart. Would she really do something like that to me? She knew I didn’t even want to come here. Would she really just leave me stranded on my own?
I check my phone and my heart plummets. He’s right. She sent me a text.
Found a hottie, I’m heading home with him. You can find a cab, right?
I’ve never felt so angry with her in my life. How could she do this to me?
I slide my phone back into my bag, trying not to let fresh tears spill. This night has been a total bust. I don’t know what to do with myself now. All I do know is I want to go home.
I guess I could get an Uber back to my apartment.
“Hey, you! Are you ignoring me?” a voice calls out.
