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“You are right. It was always your plan.”
“I thought it was our plan, Tiff. Yours and mine.” The guilt overflows inside of me and I know it shows. He can read me like no other. I simply nod and swallow the pain; his pain is summoning in me. “Then what the fuck, Tiff. Why the hell would you leave me? No word… warning… nothing. I don’t want to ask if you knew before you left you were pregnant, but I know in my heart you did and that makes the knife in my gut twist. I fucking love you, Tiffany and I thought you knew it. Hell, I thought you loved me back. Maybe..” He stops, runs his hands through his hair and turns his back to me for a second. I see his shoulders moving up and down, and I know he is trying to calm himself.
I stand there for a minute or two, feeling like total hell, physically holding my hands together to keep from touching him, consoling him. “Mark,” I whisper, holding back as much as I can. My throat is clogged, a plea filling up inside of me to beg him to forgive me. I know I owe him an explanation and an apology, but right now, everything is too raw. He turns and I know the time to say I am sorry is not now.
“Maybe, I am dumber than I thought. Maybe what I thought we shared between us was really in my head and I simply was convincing you that you felt it too.” Oh God. No. Is that what he thinks? My head begins to shake vigorously as I walk toward him to refute this notion, but he backs away from me. “I don’t know… I thought maybe if I brought you here it would cool the fire and extinguish the fire inside of me, having you here, in the house I bought for us before you left. But now, I feel nothing but anger and pissed off, knowing I loved an illusion this whole time. I guess maybe I wanted you to see what I wanted for us before you threw it…me away. I just…I can’t.”
I watch as he sprints past me and walks out the door. I reach for him but my hand falls at my side. I have no right to touch him. To beg for forgiveness. Especially when I am not entirely sure I was wrong. So instead I watch as the love of my life, keeper of my heart, and father of my unborn child walks out, and I cry.
Chapter Six
MARK
I talked to myself the entire walk to her father’s shop, talking myself off the ledge, reminding myself that she is the woman I love and that I should hear her out. I tried to calm myself on the ride over. I took deep breaths as we walked to the door, and she walked over the threshold of what should be our family home for the first time. I counted in my head as she looked at the pictures I had hung around the house. Hell, I even swallowed my anger numerous times while my hand was on her stomach, feeling my daughter kick for the first time. I managed to remain calm through all of that. Then she laughed. Fucking giggled in that sweet, innocent way she does and that is what made me snap. Fucked up, I know. I mean it sounds crazy to me, but there it is.
I pull up outside of my parents' house and simply sit behind the wheel head in my hands. I keep going over everything. Every moment. Every word, trying to figure out what made her run from me and take my baby with her. The thing is nothing makes sense. NOTHING!! Losing my temper, I punch the car horn over and over fighting back the pain and tears, my heart threatening to pierce my chest and bleed out all over the floorboard of my car. She is the life flowing through my veins. From the moment I knew she was mine; I planned my career, life, and goals around her. Around us. Trying to think of everything and anything that would make it perfect. How did I get it so wrong?
Knock. Knock. I look up to see my sister standing at the window motioning for me to get out. Knowing I can’t stay in here any longer, reluctantly, I open the door. “I take it from the look on your face, I was right?” she asks, patting me on the back.
“Yes. Dead on.” She looks as shocked as I feel.
“Pregnant. Wow.'' She stops for a second and then takes a deep breath. “Do you think…”
“Don’t fucking finish that statement, Lara. The baby is mine, damnit!” I yell into the air not wanting to give voice to something secretly in the back of my mind even though I know it is not possible.
