AllFreeNovel
Share Us
She decided to be brave and look at him. She refused to cry the way she did last time they were together. He wanted to talk, so talk they would. They weren’t here to talk about the good ole days. That ship had sailed.
“So what do we have to say to each other, Chance? I thought it was a done deal. Whatever we had between us is over.” She was proud when her voice came out calm. He didn’t see how tightly she gripped her purse. He didn’t know the rage, the sorrow that traveled though her every pore.
“We had more than just sex, Noelle. I may have been too scared to admit how much I cared before, but I am not now. I never intended to be gone this long,” he began, making eye contact and holding it. “I thought I’d be gone a few weeks, giving us time to calm down. I planned on coming back to hash this out, but my mission went south, and I ended up stuck in some sandy region for months. It was a tough mission that went haywire. I realized I had enough. All I wanted was to be back home. I want to be with you, Noelle.”
She wasn’t sure what she was supposed to say. She fiddled with the zipper on her purse feeling nervous and uncomfortable. He had no idea what she had been through. The flames of anger had died down, but the hot ashes of sorrow still remained.
“I know I caused you a lot of pain.” Pain echoed in his own voice, and she knew he was sincere. Chance wasn’t an evil person. She had been the one living in an imaginary world thinking love would make everything all right. “I am so sorry for that, Noelle. I didn’t plan what happened at the bar that night.”
“Chance, we both have such horrible tempers. We both want our own way. That doesn’t make a good combination,” she had to admit. Six months of separation also gave her plenty of time to think of what went wrong between them. She couldn’t put all the blame on him. She had to take responsibility for the ruins of their so-called relationship. She had just expected him to return her feelings because hers went so deep. When he didn’t, she had been devastated. Never again.
“We fought a lot, didn’t we?” He smiled as if remembering how they had made up after those loud arguments. She loved all that hot, wild sex. “We did everything with gusto, no half measures for us.”
She nodded. “I suppose I was a tad immature. I have grown a lot in the past months. I am sorry I was such a brat always pressuring you to talk about your feelings.”
“I was stubborn as hell. Can’t say I have changed much. I didn’t appreciate what we had, Noelle. I was too stubborn to give in to what I felt, thinking it made me weak.” It sounded like he did do a lot of soul searching. In the past, he would never have admitted to having any faults. He shouted an order and expected her to fall in line the way the men on his team did. She would throw a fit, and a fight would come next, ending with her in tears and accusations.
“We burned each other up. I suppose as hot as it made the sex it was not good for us. Like any inferno, it destroyed everything.” She sighed sadly. She loved his square jawline, his crooked nose, and the light-colored stubble on his cheek. She would have loved to caress his cheek. His blond hair was short and spiky, and she once loved messing it up. Then he would lean in and kiss her. She put a brake on the path her thoughts were taking. She couldn’t go there. It was too dangerous. She loved him still, but she was afraid to feel that kind of pain again.
“Why did you do it? Even if you didn’t love me, you said we would be exclusive. Why not just break up with me instead of seeing Carly behind my back?” It was a simple question and he frowned, but he kept eye contact with her. She wanted to know why he had kissed Carly. Carly, the woman who had it in for her since the day Chance introduced the two women to each other. Carly always suddenly showed up wherever they were at as if it was a coincidence, but Noelle knew better. Chance hadn’t.
The pain threatened to swallow her up, but she had to know why he turned to another woman. She thought he was an honorable man. If she had not walked into the bar, would he have gone home with Carly? She asked him that question out loud.
“Absolutely not. I would never have crossed that line, even if I had feelings for her. I don’t have any feelings for her. I barely know her. She was a regular at the bar, and we spoke a few times, maybe even danced, but that was it. If I had been sober, I would have pushed her away instantly instead of standing there like a statue.” His voice was filled with anguish, and she knew she had not been the only one living in hell these last months. “I was drunk as hell, which I never do. I like feeling in control. That night I wasn’t. I was confused ab
out us and where we were heading. That whole night was one big cluster fuck. I hurt you, but I am not lying to you, Noelle. All the rumors floating around out there are nothing but made-up fantasies in her head.”
She was too tired to yell or be angry with him. He never believed her when she told him Carly was lusting after him and causing trouble. She could throw that in his face right now and start an argument. All she felt was sorrow for the mess. She had known he was the one for her pretty quickly. She expected it to all work out smoothly. Then it all went to hell in a handbasket. Now she feared allowing him back in.
He groaned and scooted her closer to him. She had been plastered against the door as if ready to make a run for it. She tensed up, not wanting to feel his arms around her. She didn’t want to get used to his comfort and his strength. It would make it harder when he left again. He always left.
“Jesus, Noelle. I know I hurt you. I hurt myself, too.” She felt his lips against her hair, but she forced herself not to move or let her body relax against him. It was tempting. She missed him with every breath.
“Mom explained about the rumors Carly started. She must have mental issues making up all that nonsense about me coming for her. It is all bullshit.” He sounded angry with Carly. It was the feeling she had always had with Carly.
“Carly is an expert manipulator. Maybe the military could use her to cause wars.” She tried to joke, but it fell flat on her own ears. She was doing her best not to cry. “You made me feel so stupid, Chance. I could see through her act. Why couldn’t you?”
He groaned. “God, I know. I am so sorry, Noelle. I was a blind fool.”
“I had dreams of forever. I see now I was naive to believe in fairy tales. I trusted you, Chance. Seeing you with her made me jealous, but more than that, it destroyed my trust in you. Knowing you believed in her more than me ate me up inside and made me feel insecure,” she added bitterly. “The shock of seeing you kissing her like you kissed me is still etched in my memories. I don’t ever want to feel like that again. Ever.”
His arms squeezed tighter around her, and she wanted to wrap her arms around his waist so bad. She had always felt so comforted in his embrace. Her parents had never hugged her. Chance was always touching her. She mistook it for love, not just simple lust. He made it so easy to make her believe in him. “I didn’t kiss her like I kiss you, Noelle,” he denied in a ragged, pain-filled voice. “I barely remember the kiss. I remember your face and how guilty I felt.”
“She told people you wrote her a letter, promising to send for her. She told everyone you had secret encounters with her behind my back. People believe her. I couldn’t even go into town without people coming up to me just to let me know what Carly was saying. It was as if they were all watching some soap opera, but it was my life they were dissecting.” Her voice trembled with hurt, but she refused her tears permission to fall. She shed too many already. She wanted to forge ahead with her life, not be stuck in the same mess.
He swore while cursing under his breath. “My mom told me some of this a few days ago. I had no idea it was so bad or I would have at least called you. By the way, I called your house phone this morning. It was disconnected.”
Noelle pushed herself out of his arms. Allowing herself to be comforted by him was a dangerous path. “I had it disconnected. Too many prank calls. I figured Carly had something to do with it.”
She searched his face to see if he was going to defend Carly, but he didn’t. She knew he probably did regret what happened, but it was too late. She thought her parents not wanting her was hurtful, but the pain Chance caused made her wish for death. Never again would she be so vulnerable. Men had no attention span when it came to women. She remembered her mom telling her that when she was a teenager. Noelle had been experiencing her first crush in junior high. “Men get bored easily, Noelle. Why do you think I don’t like your father out there alone?” she had said. It was the only piece of advice her mother had given her, and she had ignored it. Well no more. She didn’t want to live a life where she could not trust her lover.
Noelle decided bringing up the car accident and the baby would be too painful right now. She was too emotional to think clearly. Maybe another time. She knew she was being a coward, but it was a painful subject. “Okay, so we had this talk. We both got our closure.”
“That wasn’t the point of this talk, Noelle,” he told her, moving her bangs out of her face gently. Just the small touch of his fingers on her skin sent shivers up her spine. His eyes were warm, and she wanted his lips on hers so badly. It was hard not to lean toward him and initiate a kiss. Chance could kiss until she was a melted puddle of goo.
“I like the gold streaks. Very sexy.” His smile was genuine. He picked up a strand of her hair.
“Quinn convinced me to try something different. She said it would cheer me up,” Noelle told him. “It did.”
