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“Gabrielle, how are you feeling dear?”
I waited until I was sure that James had hung up. “I went to the doctor’s office in Eden. He confirmed I’m pregnant. How do I keep doing these things?”
“What things?”
“Screwing up my life and everyone around me,” I replied feeling like I could cry.
“Gabrielle, a child is a gift from God. Do you really think you’ve screwed everything up? Everything happens for a reason. I know that you think I’m corny but it does. You don’t belong in Eden with James. You belong with Kerry. That is why this happened to you.”
“In Chicago?” I asked.
“Wherever he is I think you belong there.”
“You hated him,” I accused.
Yancy sighed deeply into the phone. “I hurt you and my granddaughter with my behavior. You don’t think that I’ve felt guilty all these years?”
I was silent surprised by mother’s admission. “I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for. Esther is who changed my mind about Kerry. She was a wonderful woman who showed me how shallow I was. Esther had more diplomacy than I ever had. She also showed me what a wonderful person Kerry McCoy is. He has never stopped loving you but I guess you knew that.”
“He said something like that.”
“He was at the church when you married James.”
“He told me.”
Then James walked into the kitchen. I was staring directly at him when I made a wish that he would just go away. Vanish. Disappear. Fuck, just let me go before you find out that I’m pregnant.
“Yancy, I’ve got to go,” I told her knowing that I couldn’t talk to her anymore, now that James was in the kitchen with me.
“He’s there?” She asked.
“Yes,” I replied. “I love you. Bye.”
I hung up the phone.
“James we need to talk.”
“I won’t divorce you,” he snapped before flying out of the kitchen like a man stung by a bee.
Sighing I went back to my chores in the kitchen wiping down the kitchen counter and cabinets with vigor brought on by frustration.
#
One morning during the week after New Year’s Day I lost my cookies so to speak. The nausea was so bad that I could not hold it back. James walked into my bathroom while I was vomiting in the toilet. It wasn’t a pretty sight…me sprawled on the bathroom floor in my tee shirt and shorts with dry heaves.
“Gabrielle, what is going on with you?” He asked with a hint of accusation. “You said the doctor said it was nothing but you’re still tired and now you’re vomiting. I’ve watched you turn green in the morning trying not to puke.”
I laid my head on my forearm, which rested on the rim of the toilet. What should I say to James? Should I lie to him? Should I tell him that I was pregnant? The thoughts raced through my head when he repeated his question about my health. I shouldn’t lie to him but I did.
“I’m okay. Leave me alone.”
“Whatever you say,” he replied leaving me alone with my misery.
In our room I could hear him moving about getting ready for work. What am I doing? Why don’t you just tell him? Coward! I stood on shaking legs and walked to our room. He was tying his tie standing at the dresser looking in the mirror.
“I’m pregnant,” I said quickly without looking at him. The words rolled easily off my tongue in a soft, silent whisper of release.
