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My eyes couldn’t meet his no matter how badly he had treated me. I didn’t want to see the look of betrayal on his face. Shame made red creep up my face to the roots of my hair. All that I had wanted was to get the hell out of this marriage without any trouble. Get out without him knowing that I was pregnant with Kerry’s child. This secret now revealed would give me the out that I wanted. James would leave the marriage. He might even get sympathy and I knew that he would be in another woman’s arms before the ink was dry on our divorce papers. He would finally be out of my life and I should feel nothing but gratefulness.
I waited for his response. He said nothing. Unable to stand it any longer I stole a peek at his face in the mirror. He was shocked. I watched the shock turn to anger and finally pure, raw hatred. He turned red with his anger building inside him. I tore my eyes away and stared at the floor suddenly afraid for my safety. I began backing up. He progressed forward. His tie hanging loosely not finished around his neck. He lifted my body from the floor in hands that had left bruises only a few weeks before. He had me pinned against the bedroom wall before I could escape the bedroom. My eyes met his. I was staring into bottomless empty globes that were beyond reason unable to look away. He was beyond emotion.
“Have you told McCoy?” He asked with hatred and sarcasm dripping from every word.
“Why…”
He cut off my question. His grip harder and more painful. “Come on Gabrielle. You don’t think I’m that fucking stupid.”
“I’m sorry James,” I said apologizing. I was suddenly afraid for the baby growing inside me more than myself.
He would never have had to know had I been able to talk to him about divorce before he discovered my pregnancy. He had made the last six years of my life a living hell but I was the only one who was sorry. Stop apologizing Gabrielle.
“My lawyer will be in touch with you,” he replied releasing me as quickly as he had grabbed me. He shoved me away as if I disgusted him. I stumbled a bit but regained my footing easily enough.
“Did you ever love me?” I asked softly which caused him to stop at the door.
“No,” he replie
d stonily. “Love is a word that has no meaning in my life when it comes to women other than my mother. You were suitable like one of my employees I evaluated you by how much you could benefit my status in society. You were nothing more than a beautiful possession.”
He was a cold arrogant bastard.
“I treated you like nothing more than a possession. One that is easily discarded when overused.” His statement struck a nerve. I was about to be discarded because I was overused.
He had. James treated his possessions with little or no respect. He tossed things aside easily just because he no longer liked the color or the feel of it. He would toss me aside just as easily.
“Get out while I pack I don’t want to see you. You disgust me.”
I left our bedroom leaving the door open behind me, which he promptly slammed shut causing the chandelier in the hallway to sway the tiny crystals tinkling with beautiful music. I could only feel intense relief that this part of my life was finally over. He just needed to pack and leave. I waited at the top of the stairs. Waiting for James to leave. It was almost over.
Sitting on the top step in the hallway I listened to his movements with eager anticipation. He was packing clothes. The bedroom door slammed once again. Standing I leaned against the wall to give him room as he passed by me as if I were a ghost. His footsteps were heavy on the bare wood steps. Then he left in his car, the tires screeching on the asphalt road.
My breath released in a rush. He was gone. I now would have two children to support and one was going to college. College at NYU no less. I didn’t know how Kerry would react to the news of his second child growing in my belly. I was alone and afraid just as I had been at seventeen when I had discovered that I was pregnant with Keegan only seventeen years later I should have been smarter. My knees gave way and I slid to the floor in a puddle of tears.
Relief. Fear. Uncertainty. Relief. Freedom. Relief. Damn. We were almost there.
#
James’s side of the closet was nearly empty. He had left some of his most expensive suits. His drawers were emptied. I was liberated. There was no more dealing with him but it was strange not having him in the house not having to anticipate his mood not having to hide from him. No more egg shells. Kat and I were free. I talked with Keegan explaining that James had moved out until she and I could find another place to live. I guessed? I didn’t really know anything at this point. She wanted to graduate with her class but would understand if she could not and we had to move back to Hell right away.
Graduation was four months and one week from now. Could I get James to let me stay at the house until then? He could afford an apartment in Lexington to stay in the short term until we were gone. I didn’t hold any hope that he would be that generous. Retrieving the prenuptial agreement from my strong box late that night alone in my bed I read words that gave me some encouragement.
According to our prenuptial agreement I would leave the marriage with half million dollars and any clothes, gifts or other belongings that I had accrued during our marriage after five years of marriage. The money, I thought was probably just a blip of what James was worth but I had never cared for his money. I thought that he had loved me in my naiveté. It felt like blood money but I needed it. I needed it to support my children.
Keegan still didn’t know that I was pregnant. I thought it best to tell her father, the baby’s father too…first. That proved more difficult than I could have anticipated. Kerry always seemed to be in meetings when I called his office. He was not home when I called and when Keegan talked with him she would hang up saying she forgot that I wanted to speak to him. Finally, I asked her if she had told her dad that James had moved out.
She stopped on her way up the stairs and turned to me. She looked uncomfortable talking to me about her dad as if she was betraying a confidence of Kerry’s. I felt awkward waiting for my daughter to answer.
Finally without waiting for her answer I told her, “I need to talk with your Dad. Please don’t forget the next time.”
She went to her room where she would talk on the phone for hours with one friend after another leaving me alone in my empty house feeling tired and emotional and more alone than I had ever felt in my life.
Chapter Fifteen
After school one day, a week after James had left Kat sat down with me on the living room sofa. She had questions. Suddenly my marriage was over. Why? I explained to her that James finally listened to what I had been telling him since Christmas Day leaving out the fact that his discovery of my pregnancy is what caused the fatal end to my marriage. She couldn’t have been happier that James was gone she told me but she had founded concerns about our future. Concerns I also had.
The questions she had regarding where we would be living and when we would need to move, I could not answer. James had not given me that information before leaving. He hadn’t talked to me in a week. I was at a loss to give Keegan answers that she needed to feel secure. I had no money of my own and she knew that. Just how long my husband intended on supporting me I didn’t know? So far he hadn’t cut me off from anything but I had spent very little money. Probably he would not support me for very long considering the circumstances.
