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He tilted his head down and his shoulders shook. I knew that Matt was crying. One hand went to his face. I had only seen Matt cry three times in my life. When he married Layla. As she walked down the aisle to him, there were tears in his eyes. When his son was born. He unashamedly shed tears of joy. Then when Grammy died. He cried as he carried her casket across the lawn to the gravesite. I was in front of him and when we sat the casket down, I turned and saw the tears streaming down his face before he could wipe them away.
I went to Matt and held Asia in one arm while I took Matt in my other. I held him while he cried for only a moment. Then he walked away from me and grabbed a towel off the sink. He scrubbed it over his face. “Take care of Disa, Ben so she doesn’t leave you too.”
“Now wait a minute,” I said. “You don’t seriously think this was your fault.”
Matt shrugged. “Ben, I have gone over and over this in my head. I have to take some responsibility for the marriage ending.”
I shook my head at him. “No, you don’t. She left you, moved to Florida and is living with another man. A man, she might be married to for all we know. Matt, you can’t blame yourself if Layla changed.” He shrugged like he didn’t quite believe me.
“Dammit, Matt. I think you chose to ignore the selfishness she sometimes displayed. Danni is the only one that she liked besides Mom. She hated it when planting and harvesting came around because then we were all round you. You know it. We tried to stay away unless we absolutely needed you, man.”
He sighed. The sound was heavy and guttural, like so much emotion was weighing him down. “I didn’t mean to ignore you guys or make you feel like I only needed you to work for me.”
The money Matt paid us was great. It enabled Elijah and me to put down a good down payment on the double-wide trailer where we lived. It wasn’t a bad little place with three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a nice large living room with a vaulted ceiling and good-sized kitchen too. Building on the front porch that extended the length of the trailer and adding the back patio that had a covered space, so we could sit outside no matter what the weather, added more charm to it.
I hadn’t meant for Matt to take it that way. Our brother put everyone else first in his life. He was never first. Matt was selfless. He had given Layla everything she asked for and the woman was never satisfied.
“We love you, Matt, don’t you know that?”
“I know,” he replied.
“Your priorities changed just like Elijah’s did when he married Jen and Danni’s when she married Walker. Man, you did what you were supposed to do and it’s fine. We were your whole life. You deserve to have a life with someone who will give as equally as you do.”
“I can’t man.” He shook his head no. His voice broken and unashamed that he was ready to cry again.
“Okay, I won’t push.”
Layla had only been gone for a little over seven months. They had only been divorced for about three of those months. He needed more time to realize that his life didn’t need to be over just because Layla had left him.
“I better get Asia home,” I told my brother.
He took her from me and cradled my daughter near his heart. He kissed her forehead. Then carefully, he laid her in her seat and buckled her in. Matt put the blanket around her and tucked it under h
er, so she was warm.
“Uncle Matt loves you, pumpkin,” he told her. Then he stepped back so I could pick her up. “Thanks for stopping by.”
I nodded then I stepped close to Matt. I wrapped my hand around his neck and I laid my forehead against his. “It’ll be okay man.”
He nodded but he couldn’t say anything in response. I knew that he was choked up again. “I’ll see you,” I said.
“I’m always here or at Heath’s.”
I chuckled as he walked me to the door. “What do you guys do out there in the woods? He has terrible TV reception, his radio sucks because he needs a new one and is too cheap to buy one. The only thing he does have is internet because Heath would die without the internet.”
Matt chuckled. “We watch shit on his smart television. You should come out. He’s rigged it somehow, so he can pull down shows legally. You know me I don’t know anything about technology.”
That would be the day. I had a child now that I had to care for. “Maybe when the baby gets a little older and either Elijah, Danni or Mom think they can handle more than one.”
He laughed then he clapped me on the back. “I guess I’m more pathetic than you.”
He stepped through the door and I followed him. “How’s that?” I asked.
“I get offers from everyone to watch Justin every weekend.”
I shook my head at him. It was too soon for me to leave Asia but that was okay. I really didn’t want to sit out in Heath’s cabin and watch television with the three most miserable men in the universe right now. Not when everything was going so well for me.
“Tell Disa, I said hello.”
