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His parents gave him no choice. He was eighteen. He could make his own decisions in life, Josh had told him. He shook his head. Ben was privileged. He was told he’d be cut off if didn’t go to school. He thought he would come home after graduation and try to make things better with Kai. He never did.
Ben knew he had a daughter. He had gotten in touch with Josh because he had no one else to ask. Maybe it was time to tell them the truth since Ben never had.
This thing with Sophie had done things to Josh. It made him think about things that were right and wrong in his life. Things he would have and could have done differently. He saw Ben the other day from a distance. He saw him, saw the recognition in his eyes. Saw him turn away and wondered about him.
Was his life filled with regret? Did he know he had a grandson now? A beautiful baby boy that Josh adored. A child named after him.
He looked at his own life. Every life had regrets even his which was so good he should be on his knees every night thanking God. Everyone wanted a little something different, would do something just a little differently to make things a little better but he had a good life. Please don’t take her from me, he repeated.
He wondered how soon they would know something? It felt like forever since the nurse had taken Sophie back. A door opened and automatically he looked up. The same nurse who had called Sophie’s name looked at him.
“Mr. Russack. Sophie has changed her mind. Could you come with me please? I’ll take you to her.”
A sense of dread felt like lead in his belly. He stood and walked to her. She smiled at him, but it didn’t reach her eyes. The news wasn’t good. Sophie needed him.
He followed her down the hall with his head low. Sophie needed him. The words kept repeating in his head. He had to be strong for her.
**
Sophie
She walked to the door and was greeted by the nurse who led her down the hall to a room where she was to undress, waist up, just like at the Imaging Center.
“We’re starting with an ultrasound then we’re doing the biopsy. The doctor will explain everything before the biopsy.”
Sophie undressed and stuffed her things into the locker just like she did for the diagnostic mammogram. She slipped into the hospital gown that she could have wrapped around herself twice. Then, she locked the door with the key hanging from the coiled key ring holder before she slipped that onto her wrist.
Wishing she had Josh come back with her now, Sophie stepped out into the hall. “Ready?” The nurse asked her. She nodded. This woman was probably close to her age. She touched Sophie’s elbow, “It will be fine,” she promised. “You’re in good hands today.”
Sophie smiled at her, but her stomach felt terrible like a herd of buffalos were stampeding through her guts. She was led to a room where she laid flat on her back while a tech gathered images of her offending breast just like a baby ultrasound. She had seen enough of these recently. She stared at the ceiling tiles like she did when Doctor Ben did the pap smear except no heartthrobs were plastered on the ceiling here.
She counted them and wanted to ask if the tech saw anything, but she knew that the oncologist doing her biopsy would explain everything to her when they were done here.
“I’m sorry, were you talking to me?” Sophie asked her.
“I just wanted to know if you were doing okay?” The tech responded.
“I am,” she replied.
Then her mind traveled back to her wedding to Josh. They were going to have a party this year but, so much was going on with Hannah and Heath’s wedding. Then the birth of the babies. They talked about it but decided to wait for number twenty-five, an important milestone in their life. Now Sophie wondered if she would even see it?
Josh had been great when she told him she was pregnant. He was older than her. Four months, to be exact. They were six weeks from graduating high school. Barely eighteen. They waited to tell their parents until after graduation.
She remembered the first months of living with her parents and how awkward it was at times. Josh worked hard for a lumber company in town for the first five years of their marriage. Then Josh’s dad, Brad offered him the money to start their landscaping business. They had two kids and needed a way to support their family that also gave them the freedom of raising their children without daycare. Josh had paid back his father’s money plus interest.
Their wedding, was simple on the back lawn of his parent’s home on a cool, fall day. Their mothers wanted Father Paddy, the priest of their church to marry them but Catholic priests are only able to marry in the church. Sophie and Josh struggled with the whole idea of being forced to have a wedding inside the actual church. Father Paddy advised their parents to leave them alone. In the end, they settled on a non-denominational pastor from a church in a nearby town. Sophie thought Father Paddy assumed like everyone else, the marriage would never make it.
That was probably the start of their separation from the church. She didn’t know that it was good for them. They did manage to get the kids both baptized. Heath had made his first communion. Ally had not. Probably, their mother’s attending mass every Sunday is why Heath made his. They just never forced Ally to go with their grandmothers. She didn’t know how she was feeling about that now.
Sophie still had the dress that she wore to marry Josh, tucked away in a box somewhere in the top of her closet. A sheath style dress, in pale yellow that did nothing to hide her growing baby bump. Although, then, they weren’t called a bump. They didn’t have gender reveal parties. They didn’t have sprinkles for the second babies. They only had one shower for the first baby.
Sophie felt a tear roll into her hair, but she couldn’t move to wipe it away. Josh had looked so handsome in his black suit, with white shirt and tie. His mother had insisted that he dress up. He had just wanted to wear dress pants and a polo shirt.
She hadn’t cared what Josh what wore to their wedding. Sophie was marrying the love of her life. Everyone said they wouldn’t last but she and Josh knew that they would.
Here, she was worried about being alone with Josh for the first time in their married life and everything was working out just as he had promised. She turned her head away, so the tech wouldn’t see her silly, tears.
“We’re all done. I’ll take you to Doctor Roberts. She’s doing your biopsy.”
