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Sophie sat up. “Thank you,” she replied.
She could finally wipe away the tears that were staining her cheeks. Memories seemed to be crowding her head now that things in her life, seemed so fragile. She walked down a short, hallway and took a seat in the doctor’s office where she waited. Then they could get this show on the road.
Her leg crossed one over the other, the crossed leg was bouncing faster than usual. Her nerves were on edge as she waited. Her thoughts went to Josh again. She was just this nervous on their wedding day too. He was not.
They had known they would get married someday, after college when they were settled in their careers. He knew what he wanted to do, she did not. They had always been that way, Josh confident and directed. Sophie confident and a little scattered. Josh always reassuring her that everything would be fine, even then and it always was. Somehow, things just worked out for them.
She worked in the local grocery store while he worked at Miller’s Lumber. They sometimes only saw each other for a few hours each week while she was pregnant. They were saving money like crazy, so they could get their own apartment.
Her parents weren’t like Kai’s. Her mom didn’t make snide remarks not that they weren’t disappointed, they weren’t going to college. They even offered to do what Kai’s were doing so they could both attend local community college, but they told them no. They would make it somehow and they had. Josh’s parents were just as great and supportive of them too.
Besides Micki and Kai, Josh was her best friend. She really meant that about him. When Richard left Micki, it was a huge shock to them all because the three couples had been close. She had seen him a week or so
ago. Richard was a miserable man now. He missed his family and he missed his sons.
Only his oldest saw him outside of the family scene. Richard refused to come to the house to pick up the boys even though Micki offered to meet him with the five younger kids, so he wouldn’t run into her new husband, John Overly. Richard wouldn’t even agree to that. He was just lost without Micki and found it easier to not see any of them.
He realized too late what he had given up. Sophie had seen this a few times now and she didn’t like it. She realized how lucky she was even though at times she gave Josh a hard, time, he took it in stride. He pushed back when he needed to put her in her place, but they had a rock, solid marriage. Besides being her best friend, she was crazy about him and had been since she was kid.
She turned when the door opened. The doctor stopped by the chair where she was sitting and shook Sophie’s hand. “I’m Doctor Roberts. Nice to meet you, Sophie. We usually don’t bombard the patient with ultrasounds and biopsies in one day but Doctor Hillard and the radiologist who read your diagnostic, Doctor Simpson, thought it important to get you moving quickly.”
“It’s cancer, isn’t it.”
She sat behind her desk. “I don’t sugar coat things, Sophie. From what I’ve seen so far, I’m afraid so. I won’t know more about your cancer like what stage or what kind until I get the results back from your biopsy.”
She nodded. “Could my husband come back with me?” Sophie’s hands were trembling now. She thought she could do this, even when the cancer diagnosis was confirmed. She thought she was strong enough to handle this part alone, but she wasn’t. She was falling apart, and she needed Josh.
The doctor handed her a tissue. “I’ll give you a moment while I have my nurse get your husband. Then we’ll get started on your biopsy.”
Sophie appreciated her compassion and her kindness. She was shredding the tissue in her hands unable to do anything but stare at it falling apart in her hands like she was doing inside.
“Sophie,” he said her name.
She stood and gazed at him through tear filled eyes. “Josh.”
He opened his arms to her. “I know baby. I saw your doctor in the hall. She told me.”
She was grateful she didn’t have to say the words. She laid her head against his chest and his arms held her strong. “You’ll be all, right.” She didn’t know if he was trying to convince himself or her.
His voice washed over her, calming her like he always did but this was different. This was cancer. This was something they had no control over. This wasn’t like getting pregnant with Heath at eighteen because they didn’t have a condom handy then making the decision to not go to college because they were sure they could make something of themselves without an education.
This wasn’t working their butts off until they were bone weary, saving money to start their own business and achieving that success. This wasn’t laying out the goals they wanted in life and having dreams they wanted to achieve. Determining what they needed to do to reach them, eliminating the obstacles and making sacrifices for their children until they got what they wanted.
Cancer had its own agenda. She had no control over it. Sophie had to rely on doctors to make the best decisions for her to eliminate the disease growing inside her because she didn’t understand what was happening to her. Not really.
Sophie didn’t like the feeling of being out of control. At this moment, she hated her own body because she felt like it was betraying her.
After the biopsy which included a small incision in her breast where tissue from the lump was excised and a titanium marker was put in its place, so the doctors could always find it, she left The Cancer Center with Josh.
The results would be available in three to five days, she was told by Madge, Doctor Roberts’ nurse. She had got her from the waiting room. Got Josh for her. Reassured her that she was in good hands. She would be scheduling an appointment with Sophie for further discussion about treating her cancer once the results came in. She was her main point of contact going forward for all her needs. She wanted Sophie to be comfortable with her.
In the car, they were both quiet. Sophie stared at the lines on the highway passing her by; mesmerizing her. Her mind was a complete blank. Where before, memories were distracting her now she was just numb.
“You okay, Sophie?”
“I have cancer, Josh. How can I be okay?” She sounded defeated and a little snippy. “I’m sorry,” she told him.
She knew her attitude was part of beating this thing invading her body but right now, she just felt like curling up in a ball and giving up. She leaned on the window. The coolness caused her eyes to close.
