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She looked up. Startled by the sudden appearance of Father Paddy. He was standing in the aisle wearing his black pants, but instead of his usual golf shirt and sweater she was used to seeing him in when she bumped into him in town he was wearing an LSU Tigers sweatshirt. She knew they were his favorite football team.
Scooting down, Sophie gave Father Paddy room, so he could join her on his knees. He was silver haired now. She remembered when his hair was as black as hers and now, like then, it touched his collar. She liked his longer hair. She always had. Sophie always thought it made him cool.
His eyes were pale blue like her own. Their elbows touched as their hands were folded in front of them. For a while, they both prayed silently. She peeked at him out of the corner of her eye, realizing more about him. He was wearing his glasses today that were round, silver and smudged on the left lens. His beard needed a trim desperately. It always had been thick. If she didn’t know Paddy was a priest, he would look like a homeless man right now.
“Father Paddy,” she began not looking at him now but staring at the floor in front of her, “I have cancer.”
He turned his face towards Sophie. “I know. Ross and Kai both told me. Then your mom and Josh’s mom came to see me this week. All of them are concerned for you. You’ve been on our prayer list since you were diagnosed.”
When Sophie looked at Father Paddy, he smiled at her. “You know Ross,” he declared. “He had to get you on the prayer list and light a candle for you as soon as he knew.”
“I do. He’s always been the religious one. I’m surprised he didn’t become a priest.”
Father Paddy threw back his head and laughed. The sound reverberated throughout the empty church. “I’ve heard his confessions, Sophie. He’d never make it as a priest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
Sophie shot him a look then she chuckled at him. “Want to talk about this, Sophie?” She nodded. “Let’s sit back on the seat.”
“I don’t think God is hearing me right now. I’ve been absent for a while you know.”
“Darlin’ girl, he doesn’t stop listening just because you haven’t been inside his house, you know that.” At first, she didn’t know what to say to that. Paddy put his arm around her giving her shoulders a squeeze. “Take your time, Sophie. I’m not busy tonight.”
She laughed at him. “The first thing that crossed my mind was that I was being punished.”
He grew serious. His face compassionate as he gazed at Sophie. “No, sweetheart. You know that God doesn’t punish people by giving them cancer.”
“Then why did I get this? My life was perfect, Paddy.” She wiped her sleeve across her nose.
“I don’t know, Sophie. Do you think it’s fair that a child gets cancer?” She shook her head no. “Children are innocent. Why would he give them cancer?” She knew that Paddy was right.
“I wish I had the answer why anyone gets cancer, but I don’t. All I can suggest is that the way to get through this is using the faith you have in God. You have to know that he is right there with you to pick you up when you think you can’t get through another day.”
She glanced up at the cross. “Ross’s faith has always been stronger than mine. He’s never missed mass unless he was ill. He has become a strong member of the church as an adult. Josh and I haven’t been to church since we were twenty-five or so once Ally was baptized and Heath made his First Communion.”
Paddy interrupted her. “I don’t agree with that. Ross wears his faith on his sleeve. He proclaims his out loud. You keep your faith in your heart, but it is there, I know it. You’re different but not bad.”
“Here you sit with me as if I have never missed a day of mass in my life. Why?”
He chuckled at her. “Because you need me. Don’t you Sophie?” Father Paddy asked. “You might have been absent but you’re still a member of my parish as is your family.”
She turned her eyes to him, glistening with tears. “I do need you. I’m afraid, Father. I’m afraid I’ll die, and I won’t see Joshua grow up. I’m afraid I’ll die, and I won’t see Ally marry and have children of her own. I’m afraid that I’ll die, and Josh will find someone else and although he should I can’t bear to think of that right now.” She rambled.
Paddy chuckled at her. Then he pulled her in close and comforted her with his beefy arm around her slender shoulders. “Stop, Sophie.”
“I need absolution. I was sitting here telling God, what my sins were in my usual long-winded, round, about way…”
“Sophie,” Father Paddy interrupted her, “I remember your confessions.” He rolled his baby, blue eyes at her. “Darlin girl, you can ramble on so.”
She laughed. “You always had to tell me enough so that you and God could give me absolution so someone else could go to confession besides me.”
“I did.” His blue-eyes twinkled. “So is this visit about receiving absolution.”
“I start receiving chemo next week. I am terrified. I want to feel like I am forgiven.”
“What did you do that was so bad Sophie?” Fat
her Paddy asked.
She was quiet for a while. Then she looked at him. “I haven’t been here in a while, Paddy. I haven’t given enough of me to God. That’s all. I think he forgives me, my occasional swear words. It’s the same as when I thirteen and discovered I liked the occasional f-bomb.”
